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Original poster

Baby number 5 on the way and I'm scared about what people will think

294 replies

Featheringthenest · 18/05/2020 06:40

My husband and I have 4 amazing children under the age of 11 and this weekend we found out that we're expecting baby number 5. I desperately want to be excited but my overwhelming feeling is anxiety because I'm scared of what people are going to say and think. I'm very fortunate to be a full time stay at home Mum as my husband has an excellent job so I've never had to rely on people to look after my children and that won't change with the new baby. Am I overthinking this or is there still a stigma around large families? With 4 children I'm told all the time by strangers that I "must be mad" or "blimey, you're brave" which after a while hurts because my children are so well behaved and quite frankly my favourite people to be around. I know this won't have anything to do with anyone else and that I shouldn't care what others think but the truth is I do. Any advice would be gratefully welcomed. Thank you

OP posts:
usersouthcoast · 18/05/2020 07:43

I'd assume that you love being a Mum - which is clearly true.

I'd love a fourth, but we can't afford to move house right now for more space and our three are very close in age, so would prefer not to have a larger gap for one of them.

Congratulations OP. Lovely news.

SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge · 18/05/2020 07:45

The birth rate in the U.K. is far too low. Ageing population. Thank you on behalf of society what you are doing is extremely important.

userabcname · 18/05/2020 07:46

I'd be happy for you and a bit jealous! I'd love a big family but practically it wouldn't work for us. Congratulations!

Interested in this thread?

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Families
HeronLanyon · 18/05/2020 07:49

Congratulations op.
If I thought anything it would be about population and what it’s doing to the world and wondering why people have so many children.
I’d assume your were catholic or other religious or cultural factor in size of your family.
I do mean congratulations also.

ScrapThatThen · 18/05/2020 07:53

Your new baby is as valued and important as your eldest, your middle two and your youngest, and as any new life - how exciting, congratulations. Some people have bigger families, that's ok. The comments you mention aren't really critical I don't think - they are just acknowledging that parenting can be hard (like when you have your first and people say you will never sleep again). This thread shows that lots of people do have an opinion that a larger family size is a 'bad' choice - but population size isn't really down to you OP 😂 you are operating on quite a local small scale and I don't think that particular statistic is on you. And we can all be judged one way or another on our carbon footprint. Don't worry about what others think too much - stay within the law and enjoy your life lived well.

Ughmaybenot · 18/05/2020 07:54

I’d congratulate you and move on. I don’t get all the moral posturing about it, we all make our choices and our own impacts on the world in different ways.
I’m one of five, holding that dreaded middle child position Grin and it was great growing up. There’s 9 years between the oldest and the youngest,-‘d we had a wonderful time.

Confusedaboutthis01 · 18/05/2020 07:55

I’d actually be in awe of you to be honest. I have one DC who I love to pieces but I’ve found the transition to motherhood really hard. I think women who can have that many children are a different breed and it takes devotion and total selflessness to give 100% of your time. Respect to you.
I can also see the argument about the planet, which is valid to be honest. I suggest you just remain mindful that people have genuine concerns about that and for you guys to always try to do your bit environmentally - that’s all any of us can do Smile

Sittinonthefloor · 18/05/2020 07:56

Congratulations, I’d probably be a bit jealous. I’d think it was a bit self indulgent rather than beave.

Original poster
Featheringthenest · 18/05/2020 07:56

Wow, a very mixed bag there. Thank you for taking the time and effort to respond. For those worrying, we're a very green family and we are hugely aware of the impact a large family has on the environment and we do everything we possibly can to counteract this.
I was hoping to come to Mumsnet for some advice and support from those who understand the anxieties and worries of this crazy world of parenthood, not to be told I'm stupid and irresponsible. I do wonder how many people would say certain comments when then they're not behind the barrier of their keyboard.
I'd best start building that thicker skin then...
Kindest regards.

OP posts:
Mirrorxx · 18/05/2020 07:58

I would also think you are being very selfish and not thinking of the planet or other people.

AlltheLemurs · 18/05/2020 07:59

Congratulations. You are happy. That’s the main thing.

I don’t think people go into that much detail about other people’s finances.

If other people see you are happy they will be happy for you.

KindnessCrusader · 18/05/2020 08:00

Congratulations op. You sound like a really lovely parent and you've been patient with people that have been really rude to you here! I'm sure your family is lovely. Thanks

Blankiefan · 18/05/2020 08:00

I do wonder how many people would say certain comments when then they're not behind the barrier of their keyboard.

OP - you asked what people thought. Did you only want people to say what they thought if it was what you wanted to hear?

ScarletFever · 18/05/2020 08:00

Congratulations

I would think that you know how babies are made by now, and it was a conscious decision to have another child. If you were happy about it, then that's great

It makes no difference to me.

SandysMam · 18/05/2020 08:02

Well you did ask OP! You can’t flounce because people told you thier opinions!

WeAllHaveWings · 18/05/2020 08:04

Each to their own. As one of 5 children I would feel sorry for the children as they will not get the individual attention they deserve, especially as teens. My mum missed so much that was going on in my life that I needed help with as she just had too much on her hands with 5 kids. Still resent her for it.

I would also hope you have outstanding life insurance on both your husband and yourself so they are not plunged into poverty in the event of a loss.

OliviaBenson · 18/05/2020 08:05

I do think you are being environmentally reckless. And being green such as by recycling does not in any way offset the carbon footprint of a child.

For me though, it's not just thinking of the environment but the future of those children - is the world going to be safe? What kind of issues will they have to face? we've recently had floods, droughts and this virus and it's only going to get more extreme in the future. No one seems to think of that.

We all have an impact on the environment by just being alive. It's not your children's fault, they didn't choose to be born. But I do judge parents of larger families.

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 18/05/2020 08:07

Congratulations

But please don’t call yourself a “green family” with 5 kids

okiedokieme · 18/05/2020 08:07

Ultimately it is personal choice but unless you privately school, use private healthcare etc you are costing taxpayers so some people will get grumpy.

PirateWeasel · 18/05/2020 08:07

It's an emotive subject, OP, as well as the eco and organisational concerns. Some people would give anything to have one child and to them five might seem massively unfair. But to be honest, as long as you can afford to give them all a good life and aren't expecting other people to shoulder the burden, it's entirely your business. Congratulations!

DaphneBucket · 18/05/2020 08:10

Honestly? I would think you're selfish too, you might be green but unfortunately 5 children will need 5 houses, 5 cars etc etc and lots of people limit the amount of children they have due to this.

I don't say that unkindly it's just what I would think. If I knew you I'd say congratulations and wouldn't voice my opinion to you.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/05/2020 08:17

As long as you can afford another baby, and will look after it properly. I wouldn’t worry too much about what people say.

It’s mostly when people are dependent on benefits that eyebrows are raised. Larger families have become something of a luxury now that so few can afford them. I suspect that quite a few people would love to have more than 1 or 2 if it would not put such a strain on finances, if they could afford a bigger house, etc.

AJPTaylor · 18/05/2020 08:19

Good for you is what I would think. If you are happy in this world and the child will be loved that's all that is important!

nannieann · 18/05/2020 08:22

Only your and your DH's opinions count, not other people's. I think the big change comes with the 4th child, as then you can't all fit in an average family car. Enjoy your pregnancy and new baby. Each child is a precious gift.

FergusSingsTheBlues · 18/05/2020 08:23

Aww hun, well done , another babba

Is that better OP?😂