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Original poster

Baby number 5 on the way and I'm scared about what people will think

294 replies

Featheringthenest · 18/05/2020 06:40

My husband and I have 4 amazing children under the age of 11 and this weekend we found out that we're expecting baby number 5. I desperately want to be excited but my overwhelming feeling is anxiety because I'm scared of what people are going to say and think. I'm very fortunate to be a full time stay at home Mum as my husband has an excellent job so I've never had to rely on people to look after my children and that won't change with the new baby. Am I overthinking this or is there still a stigma around large families? With 4 children I'm told all the time by strangers that I "must be mad" or "blimey, you're brave" which after a while hurts because my children are so well behaved and quite frankly my favourite people to be around. I know this won't have anything to do with anyone else and that I shouldn't care what others think but the truth is I do. Any advice would be gratefully welcomed. Thank you

OP posts:
PuntoEBasta · 18/05/2020 10:06

When did 'people with an opinion' become 'keyboard warriors'?

CarrieMoonbeams · 18/05/2020 10:06

lynsey91, no of course my dogs won't use the NHS, education system etc. (I'm assuming graduation from puppy school doesn't count?!)

Maybe my post was a bit facetious, but I've worked and contributed for the past 40 years, so I reckon it all balances out.

And for the record, I'd say that I'm child free by choice, but I made that choice due to my awful childhood.

LockedInMadness · 18/05/2020 10:07

Out of interest how many children do you have @moveandmove?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
moveandmove · 18/05/2020 10:09

I have 1, why?

Hanamuslim · 18/05/2020 10:10

Lynsey91.

I should have added on that I meant if you can afford to and can manage a large family. Not just pop out as many as you can for the sake of it and not relying on benefits. And also thinking about the economy. An extra child doesn't mean everyones going to die or the economy will take a massive plunge. My dream has always been to have a big family. My husband works extremely hard in setting up his own businesses do he can look after us all and I work too. We are not lazy benefit scroungers.

LockedInMadness · 18/05/2020 10:10

When did 'people with an opinion' become 'keyboard warriors'?

It's not the opinion I have a problem with, everyone has an opinion. It's the sheer bloody nastiness, there's no need.

ElectricTonight · 18/05/2020 10:12

Congratulations OP,

As long as you, your husband and children are happy then anyone else's opinion doesn't matter. I think having a "big" family is lovely.

Desiringonlychild · 18/05/2020 10:12

@moveandmove you do realize that lots of people judge only child families as well as big families. its really ridiculous that everyone who doesn't have 2 children is automatically vilified..

Hanamuslim · 18/05/2020 10:12

My husband comes from a family of 6 children.. ... I sont think of his mum as bad or irresponsible. I say good on her. She did it a d shenlived it a d was there for all the children. They also had a nanny and a maid and my father in law is in his 70s and still works to this day. Even though all my husbands siblings are grown ups. I wouldn't have a large family if I couldn't do it, look after them all, equal time, provide and be there for them. I have 4 children and I love it.

KindnessCrusader · 18/05/2020 10:13

I think a lot of people (as demonstrated on this thread) only think of how THEY would cope. Some people find Motherhood easier than others. Some people manage their time better. Everyone is different aren't they. What I have noticed is that the women I know with more than two children are generally more patient (with children and adults!) and energetic than those with two and under. That's not a criticism, it's just what I've observed.

LockedInMadness · 18/05/2020 10:14

I have 1, why?

Because you are being a little cruel saying op has nothing else in her life, career, hobbies exercise. I wondered how many children you had if you struggle doing those things as it turns out with just one child.

moveandmove · 18/05/2020 10:16

I don't struggle at all doing these things with 1 child but I definitely would with 5.

Bumble84 · 18/05/2020 10:19

I wouldn’t say anything to someone who had multiple children but because you specifically asked I do think having multiple children had a effect on over population so it wouldn’t be my choice.

Shutupanddance1 · 18/05/2020 10:19

I’d say good for you but I’d have no idea how you’d afford them once they start going to high school/college/uni.

It’s one of the main reasons I’ve only 2

SpoonyFace · 18/05/2020 10:19

I think it really does depend on your resources. My ds's best friend (16) is the oldest of five and can't wait to get out. He's got no space to be a teenager as the house seems to be dominated by the younger ones. He doesn't have a place to have a desk for example but there is space for a play kitchen and Barbie house.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 18/05/2020 10:21

Yes, I would quietly judge you. There will be many who do for all the reasons already stated on the thread.

It is not to do with how much your husband can provide. It is how much the planet can provide. Very simple.

WhatwouldLangdo · 18/05/2020 10:27

My mind went straight to completely irresponsible. I'd think you were mistaken about the meaning of 'green' since there's no way you can balance the carbon footprint of 5 kids!
There's no way each child will ever have your undivided attention unless the others are being looked after by someone else. Did you ask the other 4 how they felt about yet another kid?
I'd also wonder what you planned to do once the youngest was at school, will you just be unemployed forever?
And what if your husband lost his job, or got ill/had an accident or left you?
Your complete dependence on a single salary thats not yours means you've left yourself wide open really and I don't think that's brave either, what a bizarre comment Hmm

Fiona1987 · 18/05/2020 10:30

Don't listen to the naysayers here. A lot of keyboard warriors on here and if you had a close look at their life, you would probably see that they take lots of foreign holidays and plane journeys each year. Each of your children is a blessing, they have a right to be here just like everyone else. Take care xx

Namechanger0800 · 18/05/2020 10:33

This overpopulation crap is spouted every time
Someone dares to have more than 2 children. It's utter rubbish - do we seriously think cO2 emissions would be reduced if everyone had no more than 2 children? Probably not enough to make a difference - the real difference can be made by the wealthy corporations who are doing the vast amount of damage to the world and polluting the most. That is how you address the climate issues not through me sticking with 2 children

MarthasGinYard · 18/05/2020 10:35

I can't get to grips with anyone wanting to be pregnant at this Covid time, let alone adding a 5th to their brood.

FerneGreene · 18/05/2020 10:36

do we seriously think cO2 emissions would be reduced if everyone had no more than 2 children

Er, yes.

RainMustFall · 18/05/2020 10:37

choosesoap
I'd think you were missing something in your life to be interested in personally, and will struggle when the kids grow up and leave you.

Exactly. Some women become so subsumed into motherhood that there's not much left of them as an individual by the time their children fly the nest.

PuntoEBasta · 18/05/2020 10:39

It's utter rubbish - do we seriously think cO2 emissions would be reduced if everyone had no more than 2 children?

Um, yes. I'm not looking for a fight here but that is quite literally the case.

Have a look at the infographic at this link.

Having one fewer child saves 58.6 tonnes of CO2 per year. The next most effective measure is to live car-free, which saves 2.4 tonnes per year. A plant-based diet saves 0.82 tonnes.

Lordfrontpaw · 18/05/2020 10:40

Mum was horribly blue by the time we all left. It was pretty much her life from 23-59 years of age. She had loved her old job and always daydreamed of doing something else.

BarbaraofSeville · 18/05/2020 10:42

A lot of keyboard warriors on here and if you had a close look at their life, you would probably see that they take lots of foreign holidays and plane journeys each year

Annual carbon footprint saved by having one fewer child - 58.6 tonnes

Carbon footprint of one return transatlantic flight - 1.6 tonnes

www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/jul/12/want-to-fight-climate-change-have-fewer-children

A childfree person would need to be flying to New York three times a month for their carbon footprint to exceed just one of the OPs five children.

But lets continue the myth that it's flying on holiday that's killing the planet shall we?