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Original poster

Baby number 5 on the way and I'm scared about what people will think

294 replies

Featheringthenest · 18/05/2020 06:40

My husband and I have 4 amazing children under the age of 11 and this weekend we found out that we're expecting baby number 5. I desperately want to be excited but my overwhelming feeling is anxiety because I'm scared of what people are going to say and think. I'm very fortunate to be a full time stay at home Mum as my husband has an excellent job so I've never had to rely on people to look after my children and that won't change with the new baby. Am I overthinking this or is there still a stigma around large families? With 4 children I'm told all the time by strangers that I "must be mad" or "blimey, you're brave" which after a while hurts because my children are so well behaved and quite frankly my favourite people to be around. I know this won't have anything to do with anyone else and that I shouldn't care what others think but the truth is I do. Any advice would be gratefully welcomed. Thank you

OP posts:
Hanamuslim · 18/05/2020 09:39

Destroyer, is this what you really think or were you being sarcastic.**...You don't care about the environment
You won’t be able to give them enough individual time
How can you afford them?
Bigger car needed
Bigger home (unless they share, which is not ideal)
You’ll have no time to yourself
Etc etc

I have 4 children and due my fifth, god willing by next year. I certainly care about the environment and teach my children all about worldly issues and matters.
They all get equal time and we are a close knit family and all get one on time with both parents.
My husband owns 3 businesses. We are not exactly rolling in it. We have a lot of outgoings as well as paying staff but we are living comfortably and we still budget and dont go overboard.
We currently have a 7 seater jeep. Husband says he will get a larger car the end of the year. Hes very ambitious and hardworking. To have 4 kids, he has always wanted to make sure he goes above and beyond to provide
We started from nothing and we are trying to build a better future for our children.
And even looking at getting a bigger home also by the end of year.

Everyone has different situations. Be happy for op. Instead if saying because if 5 children she doesn't care about the environment. That's a bit ridiculous isn't it.....

Desiringonlychild · 18/05/2020 09:40

Congrats OP. As from my username, I am only going to be having an only child. Therefore I need other women to help me raise my replacement (or DH's replacement). Cos I hope the NHS is still around when i am 80. So I welcome any woman who is willing to take on the task.

PuntoEBasta · 18/05/2020 09:40

I do wonder how many people would say certain comments when then they're not behind the barrier of their keyboard.

It's an anonymous internet forum, OP. The whole point is to give honest responses that you might not get in real life.

There are a lot of people who would dearly love more children but have stopped at the number that they can afford, or think responsible. It's inevitable that these people will resent you a bit but you can't allow yourself to care. I wish you all the best for your pregnancy.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Rockbird · 18/05/2020 09:40

Congratulations OP. A baby is lovely news Flowers

As usual the keyboard warriors can't give their opinion in a mature way without giving you a bit of a kicking. Shame.

DH is one of five and there were raised eyebrows back then in the 70s. But they are a lovely family and very close.

NaturalBornWoman · 18/05/2020 09:41

I was hoping to come to Mumsnet for some advice and support from those who understand the anxieties and worries of this crazy world of parenthood, not to be told I'm stupid and irresponsible

You posted saying you were worried about what people would say/think. You knew it was a controversial subject. ‘People’ are responding.

I’d judge you. Completely unnecessary, unreasonable and self indulgent. Obviously I wouldn’t say anything out loud but this is online and you invited opinions.

Coffeekisses · 18/05/2020 09:41

HOW RUDE are some of these replies!!

I am in awe of and a bit jealous of people with big families. Overpopulation is not caused by people adding one more child to their families and is not in fact a problem in the UK where we have an ageing population.

Congratulations OP! Enjoy the excitement and joy of baby number 5!

Oh and people have said dumbass things to me like “ooh you’re brave” because I have two (two!) boys! It’s sexist and horribly rude. Some people just can’t help it I think.

PuntoEBasta · 18/05/2020 09:42

PS There is a 'Larger Families' board on MN. You might find it more closely aligned with what you are looking for.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/larger_families

Hanamuslim · 18/05/2020 09:42

If people want to have 10 kids bloody let them. I dont know why everyone is being so negative. My 5th baby came as a complete surprise. I am so happy but yes I am also anxious about the coronavirus situation.

My husband is thrilled. Hes hard working and provides for all of us. We are not a burden on the economy. I mean come on.

Patapouf · 18/05/2020 09:43

My first thoughts would be you were nuts, you didn't give a shit about the environment, and that you are irresponsible. I'd be disgusted if you went on to have a sixth.

But then I'd remember that technically it's not really any of my business. Global overpopulation is very very worrying so obviously I don't think anyone should be having that many children but I'd hope it would be balanced out by the child free.

MegaClutterSlut · 18/05/2020 09:43

Although 5 kids is a lot imo (I'm one of 5) it's really no one else business but I judge people who have 20 odd

It was a bit hectic during childhood but great now. Personally I dont know how my mum done it tbh

The most common question my mum got asked is of we all had the same dad Hmm which we do btw...

lynsey91 · 18/05/2020 09:44

@BabyLlamaZen when did I say dogs contribute to the economy? Not all children do anyway. If they grow up to have minimum wage jobs they won't contribute anywhere near what they take out and some may not even get jobs

I pay for my dogs as I should because I want them. I don't expect others to.

No way can dogs be as bad for the environment as children are.

Hanamuslim · 18/05/2020 09:46

@Featheringthenest.... I cannot believe the responses you have got. And I know exactly what you man.....people told me I am mad with every single child(I have 4 and just also found out am pregnant with number 5). I find it so bloody rude. I am married with a hard working and very ambitious husband. I work from home myself. So I find managing a family very easy. My eldest two help out with chores. And we are a very tight knit and close family. We are also very surprised when we found out but I trust in god and staying positive and hoping by the time I am due, or should I say we are due, covid19 will have calmed down.

TARSCOUT · 18/05/2020 09:48

Congratulations, how exciting. I love the fact you say your DC are the best people to be around. The more the merrier! I was youngest of 4 and always wanted a little brother or sister.

LockedInMadness · 18/05/2020 09:48

Given this thread everyone was probably slagging me off behind my back but I really don't give a shit.

I really don't think the vitriol and hate that gets spouted on here is representative of real life, tbh. I think a lot of keyboard warriors just say nasty things to make themselves feel better. I don't think people in 'real life' are like that so much.

My cousin was one of 5 and she hated it growing up, being the 2nd eldest. She felt like a freak, because they needed a mini-bus and people would stare.

People would stare because there were 5 children? Ha ha, a bit dramatic is she, your cousin? Grin

Lordfrontpaw · 18/05/2020 09:49

You’re not one of many kids I assume. Yes people gawp are large families.

80sMum · 18/05/2020 09:50

It’s no one else’s business

I totally disagree with that statement! Actually, it is everyone's business! Over population is a global problem, the biggest problem that we all face and probably the greatest threat to the future wellbeing of the entire planet and humankind itself.

Sorry OP but I think it's very irresponsible and short-sighted to deliberately bring more than 2 children into this already overcrowded world.

Imagine if we'd all did the same thing and had 5 children each. How many extra cars would be on the road in 20 years time? How great would the housing shortage be - or how much land would have been concreted over to build more and more houses? How many more roads, shops, schools, hospitals would we need? How would we obtain enough food to feed everyone etc...?

lynsey91 · 18/05/2020 09:54

@Hanamuslim oh yes just have as many children as you want. What an utterly stupid and selfish thing to say.

The planet IS OVERPOPULATED. The UK IS TOO. People need to stop saying we need more children because we bloody don't. Are you all that stupid? Where is all the money going to come from for all the extra resources for all these people?

@Coffeekisses of course the problems are caused by people having "one more child".

As I said above, so many services in the UK are struggling to cope and things will only get worse. Councils, GP surgeries etc are on their knees now.

We are not going to build tons more houses or roads are we so the situation with regard to both of those will be worse.

By the time you all realise what a shit storm the future is going to be it will be too late. It probably is already too late.

If you cared about the planet and the environment you would not be having more than 2 children

choosesoap · 18/05/2020 09:55

I'd think you were missing something in your life to be interested in personally, and will struggle when the kids grow up and leave you.

Figgygal · 18/05/2020 09:56

I’d be worried too
People won’t say anything to your face like they do here but yes lots of people will judge So get growing that thicker skin

Tootletum · 18/05/2020 09:57

Who cares what other people say. As you can tell from this site they'll be bloody snarky about anything, so just live your life. If you don't want to stick out with lots of kids, just move to Golders Green and you'll be entirely average Smile

GachaBread · 18/05/2020 09:57

I have 5 children and it's bloody hard work. Giving the right amount of attention to each and every one I have always found hard to manage. More so now that a month ago I have now become a single mother so I am finding it really difficult.

If you are 100 percent certain that you can manage, home life is great and you can accommodate all their needs financially, mentally and physically then go for it. You sound like a fantastic mother.

Amanda87 · 18/05/2020 09:58

Who cares what people think??? Seriously!
The only questions are: Are you guys happy? Can you make it?

Honestly, don't waste your time concerned about other's opinions!
BE HAPPY!

Hanamuslim · 18/05/2020 10:00

Sorry my comment was meant to say 4 children from the ages 2 years to 12 lol . Not 4 under 4 lol. That would mean one every year hahaha

moveandmove · 18/05/2020 10:00

I would think you had nothing else in your life. I imagine with 5 kids you wouldn't have time with friends, a career, hobbies, exercise etc so I'd think you keep having babies to fill your time (like your trying to fill a missing void in your life).

MsTSwift · 18/05/2020 10:02

Agree with babdoc sorry. But had that opinion since studying population in a level geography.

You are not a green family that’s quite funny. I wouldn’t say that in real life.

We stopped at 2. Would have felt guilty having any more than that. That’s just my opinion- you did ask. I would be polite to you of course but couldn’t stretch to gushing

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