Jilly Coopr character Lockdown competition thread

[BalloonSlayer]

The most successful thread I ever started was about wanting to be a Jilly Cooper character.

Since lockdown, this has started to feel more achievable. See my scores below:

• Cut my own fringe: 3 points (scissors hadn't just been used to cut bacon first, deduct one point)

• car is Absolutely Filthy: 3 points (not a golf, mini or Porsche so as no other cars exist in Jillyworld, deduct one point.)

• "old trousers and a shrunk t shirt made her bum and boobs look huge," yeah whole three points for this one

• anthropomorphising my pets like crazy. No he wasn't showing how much he loves you, he wanted his dinner! 3 points.

• Smell of wild garlic making me miss going out to restaurants : 3 points. (Not sure if that is wild garlic or something else actually, deduct one point.)

So that's 12/15 for me. How is everyone else doing?

Georgie is Belinda Carlisle in my mind, and Flora a bit like Honeysuckle Weeks but less well behaved.

I have just put the YouTube video of Riders on, it's brilliantly awful

Read Emily this afternoon. Rory rapes her. It’s so romantic 🙄

It’s mad isn’t it, that that stuff was just normal back then.

Well not normal, but more accepted or something.

Imogen and Harriet are my favourite of the named books.
I enjoyed The Common Years...
Didnt like Pandora (no characters to like) or Wicked (too much underage sex!)

Hate to say this but I think Zac Goldsmith is very like RCB: tall, blonde, rich, posh, womaniser, MP, handsome, probably charming...and a complete shit but you’d shag him anyway

Rupert has a massive redemption arc in Rivals. He's so cruel to Helen (if anybody started a thread on here saying their DH had said it was like having sex with a frozen chicken and he was worried he'd find the giblets, she'd be told to LTB!), gives her an STD and hits her across the room.

But the way Jilly writes makes you forget that, and just like some of the drink driving, nobody seems that fussed. He did mellow, first with Tabitha, then Cameron knocks a few corners off, then Taggie completes it I think.

The underage sex though, goodness... The two pony club girls playing dwarves in Snow White he was meant to be taking out turned out to be 13 or 14!

What the hell was he doing shagging Buttercunt while Taggie got breast cancer? Maybe Jilly is going senile!

I hate Jilly a bit for doing that to Rupert and Taggie.

I’ve just got to ‘Score!’ and it’s all got rather frenetic, I’m struggling with the names and nick-names. Feeling sorry for Tabitha.
I hadn’t read beyond TMWMHJ before so this is all new to me.

Helen has the most awful character development what a sad state of affairs. She's quite sweet and wholesome in riders at the beginning, she gets raped, beaten up, publicly humiliated, goes on to an even more psycho man ends up getting loads of plastic surgery and an eating disorder plus her kids hate her. Oh my word

I agree about Helen. In the beginning Jilly seemed to like the character and by Score! it was like she hates her.

Imagine if she did a post on here. Carnage!

We could have a comp, post a description of your problem and we could identify which character you are? Anyone want to start?

@fanthorpe, oh yes, let’s do it!

AIBU to think my DH might be having an affair with the wife of a dear friend? In one respect it's extremely unlikely he'd get the chance to stray- he's overweight and I think most of our new friends (we moved here relatively recently) think he is rather common. He built his business up from scratch and we are now quite well off, so I have made efforts to fit in with our new social circle, eg by modifying my accent etc but he hasn't bothered.

What I mean is that not many people we know would give him a second glance. But anyway, this lovely friend of ours has a rather dowdy overweight wife, I am wondering if there could be something going on with her. Why I think he would be attracted to her I don't know, she's the sort who has really let herself go, her DH is far more attractive than she is. She is a SAHM although claims to be a writer, and doesn't go out much, whereas I have my own successful business and am always socialising as I am proving very popular with all our friends and neighbours.

How do I find out if something is really going on? I am not very good with technology, DH is though - it's his job! - so he could easily keep his tracks hidden.

Oh nicely done, that’s Valerie!

Jilly really didn’t like her, did she?

I rewatched the first bit of Riders The Miniseries the other day and found it just as toe curlingly awful as I did when it first came out!! I remember lots of mickey taking in the equestrian community about the appalling riding and sterotypes and how they were supposed to be jumping huge Grand Prix fences (ie 5ft +) fences which only looked about 3ft on the screen . And I will never forget the general hilarity at Michael Praed (Jake) wearing his chaps back to front (I forgave him as I have had a huge crush on MP since his Robin of Sherwood days ). Marcus Gilbert was totally wrong for Rupert imo and the character of Helen was far too 'knowing'. I loved Antony Calf (and still do!) but the actress who played Tory was far too slim! And what happened to their second child who was born when Isa was 18months old? I was very disappointed in JC when she gushed "Oh I love the series its just how I imagined my characters to be".

I love that Rupert bought Freddie a loaf of Mother's Pride for Christmas

Darklis. I've never come across the name in real life, but thought it was pretty.

Oooh, I’ll do one!

AIBU to be going for security? I’m an expat who moved overseas for a job, which is going great, I have to get tough with my colleagues fairly often, but the end product justifies it - I think we might be up for an industry award pretty soon.

The thing is I ended up in bed with the boss... no big deal, it happens a lot on this job. Then he brought in some new big deal guy who I was desperate to work with - but he’s a nightmare, so difficult! Then the new guy threw a big party and I met his grownup son... totally gorgeous and close to me in age, he’s amazing. But I want a more secure relationship - the boss is married but he’s older, massively successful and feels like a winner.

AIBU to ditch the younger guy, even though we might be perfect for one another, and keep banging the boss in the hope that he’ll ditch his frigid frump of a wife and move me into his stately home?

Spudlet, you are Cameron Cook!

But my advice, Cameron, is go for Patrick, he’s lovely, dump Tony as he’ll never leave Monica. And join that consortium!

Here’s my dilemma:

I’m a successful person but my family are a nightmare: my wife spends a fortune without ever asking me (although she does throw great parties), my son competes with me and my daughters are respectively an angel and a bit of a demon - I have a feeling that the latter is sleeping with my ex boss’s son.

The angelic one cooks like a dream, thankfully, as my wife is a terrible slut (in both senses of the word) and the household would go to wrack and ruin if it was left to her. WIBU to fuck off to Ireland for a year and leave the lot of them so I can finish my Yeats biography and get some peace?

Declan O’Hara?