Jilly Coopr character Lockdown competition thread

[BalloonSlayer]

The most successful thread I ever started was about wanting to be a Jilly Cooper character.

Since lockdown, this has started to feel more achievable. See my scores below:

• Cut my own fringe: 3 points (scissors hadn't just been used to cut bacon first, deduct one point)

• car is Absolutely Filthy: 3 points (not a golf, mini or Porsche so as no other cars exist in Jillyworld, deduct one point.)

• "old trousers and a shrunk t shirt made her bum and boobs look huge," yeah whole three points for this one

• anthropomorphising my pets like crazy. No he wasn't showing how much he loves you, he wanted his dinner! 3 points.

• Smell of wild garlic making me miss going out to restaurants : 3 points. (Not sure if that is wild garlic or something else actually, deduct one point.)

So that's 12/15 for me. How is everyone else doing?

Jake cheated on Tory with one of the stable girls the first time he went away to Madrid when she was about to give birth! Before the Helen debacle.

Poor Tory... She deserved far better. She had that dreadful mum too. Wish she had re-married a Malise type character.

But did Perdita have sex with Luke's brother first? Yuk.

I can't remember how much of this I am remembering accurately, sometimes I'm about to say something then it sounds too crazy to be true

God yes, Jake slept with the groom as his reward for winning a medal so yes, a one time shag then a separate full blown affair!
Yes, Perdita went with Red, Luke's glamorous brother and broke Luke's heart. But they ended up together in the end. Such glorious fantasy!
If I've learned nothing else, it's maybe not to dissect the novels too much, haha!

Meant to say... Christoph Waltz is sort of how I imagine Rannaldini

I don't know if it's just because I'm a lot older now than when I first read them, but everyone seems really young. Kitty and Lysander are only 22/23. I'm getting very near her "mouldy old woman" age range.

AIBU to think my husband might be gay? We've been together for 20 years. His first wife was an appalling degenerate, scruffy drunk, and my grown up step-children are just as bad. Since I've had the twins, all DH wants to do is get me to stand in a glass case and pose like a statue. He's always had intense friendships with younger men. Could he be gay?

Ooh. I can’t think who that would be.

More clues?

I'm incredibly petite and I look like a Dresden shepherdess. I have a secret daughter who is also incredibly petite and a real pain. I slept with her boyfriend but it doesn't count because it was only once.

Althea Belvedon?

I only married my husband because I was fed up with One Night Stands and going into work the next day in the same dress so everyone knew I hadn't been home .
I thought he was rich and sucessful like his best friend but TBH, he's a bit boring .
Mind you his best friends wife is a bit starched twinset and pearls .

Any road, I had a bit of a fling with his sponser - help his career and all that .
Them he goes off and shags some Jumped up slip of a girl who is in the same line of work as him ( don't know about fur coat but definately no knickers under her skintight trousers that she split)

Two kids later , I'm back to my former career in ShowBizz ( I'm a journalist and well regarded) but I do feel I've hitched my wagon to a star only for that star to fall off the wagon.

I thought my life would be parties and glamour . Instead he bitches me up when I left a silk scarf in the white wash. Wash your own bloody shirts .

Janey?

Janey was my favourite!

Ha ha at Janey!

Breastfeeding on the Bollinger and poor baby crying with a hangover !

I think Polo is still my favourite, followed by Riders. I know Perdita is a cow, but shes quite endearing too

Imogen was the one I read first-I loved that. Read them all, though have a soft spot for Riders and TMWMHJ. Prudence is probably my favourite name book. I loved all the horsey books, thiihhh don’t really like horses, so glossed over some of those bits .

Score was fab. The art ones were less good (Pandora?) and I liked Wicked although it was rather inappropriate and wrong. Janna was great, as was Emlyn-though he merges into Luke a bit in my head.

I liked Class too.

@Beautifulmaudohara yes!

RCB was so angry, I knew because a muscle was flickering in his cheek

I bought some peonys a couple of days ago. Thought I would enjoy watching them collapse and see if it reminded me of my body in my forties.

They haven't come out yet despite drinking pints of water.
They all just sit there looking like Audrey 2. I have put them outside in the hopes that the sun with remind them what to do.

The book where the heroine of the piece goes up to the wilds of Scotland ( Emily)

Her nemesis Marina has long flowing hair and a big sulky mouth and stands there like the woman in the Scottish Widows advert , just after Emily has scoffed a tin of coleslaw or potato salad (and probably now got onion breath)

And was it her boss ( I'm thinking Rodney) in a slashed to the navel velvet catsuit ?

Without checking, I’m thinking Rodney might have been Prudence’s boss.

Both Emily and Prudence start off with a party in Chelsea, so plenty of overlapping ideas.

Oh yes, always a muscle going in some tense/angry bloke’s cheek. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that happen in real life!

God remember when coleslaw used to come in tins!

I remember an old lady asking me to get some shopping for her in the 70s and had written coleslaw on her list. I had never heard of it! I had to ask the shop assistant what these bizarre scribbled words could be: "it looks like it says 'coleslaw' but that's not a word" Can't say I was impressed when I saw it either.

Russian salad and potato salad too. Bleaugh.

I thought the word was 'coldslaw' the first time I heard it.