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Original poster

Our life is falling apart

210 replies

WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 13:09

Me and my partner have been together 9 years. We have 2 children age 3 and 5. We had a perfectly normal relationship, we argue, we make up, were generally happy in our relationship. He doesn't like my sister, he never has done I don't know why but really hates her.

About 2 weeks ago he started doing some extra work for somebody who asked if he could sell car parts and dismantle some cars he's brought damaged. (He is a mechanic.) Of course he can sell car parts we have an eBay account where we sell our own things and he's a mechanic he can take parts off with his eyes closed. However this was not what was going on, the man who he was doing this for was running a chop shop and he was actually stealing the cars and getting my partner to take them apart.

Police were called last Tuesday, my partner got arrested. The police came to my house and said it was now a crime scene i wasnt allowed to stay at home. My sister found out because she lives close by where he was caught so obviously saw all of the police and came straight to my house to make sure I was ok and if I needed anything etc... just being a good sister and good auntie to our kids. My partner got let our Wednesday pending further investigation, now he wasn't remotely interested in the effect on me or the kids... he was more interested in why I had gone running to my sister about what had happened even though I didn't! We had a big row and he just wouldn't listen at all to anything I had to say. He went to his moms early hours of Thursday and I haven't seen him since. His mom says that she hasnt seen him, so me being worried about him reported him missing last night. The police came out to speak to me and phoned his mom whilst they were here... who told them he's perfectly fine but doesnt want to see me at all and stop contacting her!! I am absolutely fuming angry raging all of the above because nobody has thought about how this has made me feel. I'm so worried about what's going to happen and him hiding away isn't helping how I'm feeling. Does nobody think I have a right to know what has happened? Am I just over reacting? My emotions are very much all over the place at the monent.

Long thread I'm sorry, it's probably confusing but please just read it a few times and if you have any advice on what I should do please get in contact. Please no unhelpful advice or judgemental words.

OP posts:
WhatDay · 04/05/2020 15:03

Ebay is rife with the stolen stuff its fuelled such a boom in theft of cars, especially classics with hard to get parts.

browzingss · 04/05/2020 15:04

What was he actually arrested for and how long is his sentence purported to be?

I think he must have known there was something dodgy with the cars, surely as a mechanic the thought must have crossed his mind as it’s an unfortunate part of his industry.

I doubt anyone will go to your house to threaten you. The victim has reported it to the police so isn’t looking for street justice. The thieves themselves won’t bother, they obviously want to lay low to avoid police detection, and visiting your house is obvious witness tampering which criminals do tend to avoid.

Also I’m not sure what the motive for them attacking you would be, they purposely asked your partner to sell them himself so any “heat” would be on your partner. This is what they wanted, they probably also gave your partner vague information about who they are so it would be difficult for him to identify them.

He doesn’t like your sister because she saw through his facade early on.

Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 15:06

I just don't know who's telling me lies and who's telling me the truth. Nobody seems to want to tell me anything and it was my house they were rifling through not anybody elses. None of this makes sense. He is in a mood because my sister came to see if I was ok. His mom is in a mood because I didn't tell her the police were at my house. They're all just strange people when I think about it.

OP posts:
WhatDay · 04/05/2020 15:08

Nope my partner wasn't arrested, he told them where the car came from and that was it. The car was taken away and that was the end of it.
He was done for handling stolen goods years and years ago, that was because he didn't tell the police who gave him the parts - he didn't know they were stolen. He didn't go to jail, i think it was a suspended sentence.

MyOwnSummer · 04/05/2020 15:08

Let's make a list. He has:

  1. Committed serious criminal activity, which means he will go to jail possibly for quite a while and meaning that you will become a single parent with no other support
  2. Put you at risk of a criminal charge by using your house, paypal and ebay account
  3. Traumatised your kids by having the police search the house
  4. Run away from all of the above and refused to talk to you, his partner.

So he isn't a partner in any meaningful sense of the word. Not at all, you were a convenient unwitting front for his criminal endeavours. Fuck that shit.

Change the locks, throw his stuff outside for his bitch mother to collect if she wishes to do so. Sorry you appear to have had children with a complete scumbag, I suppose if he's locked up for a while at least you won't have to deal with his shitty presence in your lives for a while.

Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 15:09

Browzingss he was arrested for dismantling stolen motor vehicles.
I don't know anything about how long his sentence will be, I've just researched other people who have been caught doing the same thing it can range from 3 years up to 7 years.

OP posts:
WhatDay · 04/05/2020 15:10

Honestly, just look out for yourself and the kids. Leave them to it, theres too many misplaced loyalties The truth will out. His cowardliness says all you need to know.

Zebracat · 04/05/2020 15:10

Oh dear God, what a shitstorm.
Please do not damage his property or van, the last thing you need is a charge of Criminal Damage.I think you will be Believed that you were not aware that there was any criminal element in the sales. And I would send a polite, brief text to his mother asking her to contact you about collecting his things, as the relationship is over. That is not harassment, don’t get drawn into anything else, after all, he has probably lied to her too.
He has behaved like a jerk. Please don’t have him back.
Terrible shock for you, glad you have some support from your sis.

Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 15:11

4 vehicles were found in the unit not just 1. I thought maybe he would just get done for handling stolen goods too but if he's not willing to tell the police who the unit belongs to surely they won't believe his story?

OP posts:
Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 15:12

Do i need a solicitor? Will they take my kids? He has fucked me over in the worst possible way.

OP posts:
browzingss · 04/05/2020 15:13

I'd text his mother 'all of exhs stuff will be outside at 9am. If not collected by 1pm it will be going to the tip. Locks changed. Please inform him as I can't get hold of him.

DON’T do this. Useless advice. You are an involuntary bailee of his goods, they do not belong to you so you cannot do what you please with them, including disposal. You have to give him reasonable notice to collect them, as in 30 days, 4 hours would never be seen as reasonable by a judge. Also the text is evidence that you set an unreasonable notice period, he can take you to court with that and prove his case.

Also don’t text his mother, especially not the day after she and the police told you not to contact her. Jesus Christ. Either get a solicitor involved or ask a police officer to pass the message on - did any of the officers who visited leave contact info?

Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 15:15

Browzingss I have details of his arresting officer but not that of those who visited last night. He is bailed to my address but he's not here so should I also inform them of this too? I think I need a solicitor at this point incase I get arrested

OP posts:
WhatDay · 04/05/2020 15:17

No, talking is going to be the key to this and it doesn't sound like he wants to do any of that. I know there is a bit of a blind "don't ask questions if you don't want to know the answers".
But unless those cars were damaged your DH would know they are perfectly good cars he's taking apart. Using your eBay, using your address. What an absolute bloody idiot.

IAmReportingYouForBBQing · 04/05/2020 15:17

Sorry but this entore thing stinks. WHo exactly have you got this information from?

There is a criminal that steals cars. He then gets your OH to strip them. But the money is processed through your ebay account and your bank? What happened to the money when it hit your paypal/bank account? was it YOUR bank account? where did the big car thief get his cut from? whose name was on the unit?

OP, you shouldnt be "welcoming him back with open arms" and you should be telling your kids the truth not " he did something a little bit naughty". You need to get some standards and harness your anger into getting yours and your kids life straight, as soon as possible. he is not a good dad, he isnt even a good person. If it was me, he would never be seing my kids again after putting them and their home at risk. I would turn my back on him now and never speak to him or his family again. You also need to prepare yourself for being arrested, it seems that you are far deeper implicated than you understand.

Mrsjayy · 04/05/2020 15:18

Nobody is going to take your Children, you can phone a solicitor and see what they advise though again nobody is coming for the kids Flowers

IAmReportingYouForBBQing · 04/05/2020 15:21

Yes you need to informt hem ASAP that he is not at your adress!! for gods dake it gets worse. I really would suggest speaking to a solicitor over the phone if you can afford it. otherwise, if you get arrested you will just have to take your chances with the duty solicitor BEFORE you speak to the police.

Did you OH do any other work? get benefits?

minniemoll · 04/05/2020 15:21

If his van is still outside could you not put his stuff in it?

saraclara · 04/05/2020 15:22

Look, I'm sorry to scare you, OP, but it's your name on the ebay account, and the money went into your account. You really need to be getting some legal advice here. He has screwed you over even more than you seem to realise.

Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 15:22

Omg the fucking nursery my son attends have just emailed me that they have veen informed a police investigation took place at our home address And if I want my son to attend nursery in the lockdown please contact them asap!

How fucking embarrassing for me! How much worse can this get

OP posts:
WhatDay · 04/05/2020 15:25

There was one of DH's friends who had been taking cars and parts from his work, he didn't get jail time. We were worried as we had bought one of the cars (we knew where it had come from, but thought it was legitimate). We didn't even have the police at the door, we thought it was going to be recovered and gone.. But no, they weren't interested. Guy got no jail time, he even had a new job within the week.

Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 15:25

Yes he was working for a company spraying cars aswell. I would put his things in his van but he has the key with him. I'm just mortified, the money went into my bank and was taken out or some transferred to my now ex's bank account. No trace of the other man I never transferred any money to him, he always had cash

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 04/05/2020 15:26

Email the nursery back and just say

Dear X,
Can you please tell me where you got this information from?

Kind regards,

WhoCares

ILuvQuarintinis · 04/05/2020 15:26

The fact that he wasn't interested in you or giving an explanation suggests to me that he knew what he was doing, sorry.

FortunesFave · 04/05/2020 15:27

Because WHO has been gossiping to them? Or have the police told them??

I'd want to know how they know....because if it's gossip then they've just breached your trust. BADLY.

LemonBreeland · 04/05/2020 15:27

If he won't tell the police who else is involved, then he absolutely knew what he was doing. If he was totally innocent he would have told the police.

Try not to worry about what nursery think of you. Just look at how you get this man out of your lives.

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