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Original poster

Our life is falling apart

210 replies

WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 13:09

Me and my partner have been together 9 years. We have 2 children age 3 and 5. We had a perfectly normal relationship, we argue, we make up, were generally happy in our relationship. He doesn't like my sister, he never has done I don't know why but really hates her.

About 2 weeks ago he started doing some extra work for somebody who asked if he could sell car parts and dismantle some cars he's brought damaged. (He is a mechanic.) Of course he can sell car parts we have an eBay account where we sell our own things and he's a mechanic he can take parts off with his eyes closed. However this was not what was going on, the man who he was doing this for was running a chop shop and he was actually stealing the cars and getting my partner to take them apart.

Police were called last Tuesday, my partner got arrested. The police came to my house and said it was now a crime scene i wasnt allowed to stay at home. My sister found out because she lives close by where he was caught so obviously saw all of the police and came straight to my house to make sure I was ok and if I needed anything etc... just being a good sister and good auntie to our kids. My partner got let our Wednesday pending further investigation, now he wasn't remotely interested in the effect on me or the kids... he was more interested in why I had gone running to my sister about what had happened even though I didn't! We had a big row and he just wouldn't listen at all to anything I had to say. He went to his moms early hours of Thursday and I haven't seen him since. His mom says that she hasnt seen him, so me being worried about him reported him missing last night. The police came out to speak to me and phoned his mom whilst they were here... who told them he's perfectly fine but doesnt want to see me at all and stop contacting her!! I am absolutely fuming angry raging all of the above because nobody has thought about how this has made me feel. I'm so worried about what's going to happen and him hiding away isn't helping how I'm feeling. Does nobody think I have a right to know what has happened? Am I just over reacting? My emotions are very much all over the place at the monent.

Long thread I'm sorry, it's probably confusing but please just read it a few times and if you have any advice on what I should do please get in contact. Please no unhelpful advice or judgemental words.

OP posts:
fronttoback · 04/05/2020 14:12

Are you sure that the people whose car it was know that it was being done at your house? The police wouldn't give them that information. I reckon that the dodgy dealer had been know to the police for some time, and he was trying to cover his tracks by getting your DP to take over, especially since it has only been going on for a few weeks.

Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 14:15

Sorry I may have been a little bit confusing with the details. The place he was doing the car was at a unit, he had sold some parts from the car on eBay unaware they were stolen (as far as I am aware) the buyer from eBay turned up buying his own car parts fron the unit and then called the police. My address is on eBay where they had found the car parts advertised, that's why I am worried they have my address.

OP posts:
fronttoback · 04/05/2020 14:18

Oh. That does complicate things rather. Is the ebay account yours or your DP's? Whose bank account would paypal payments go into, yours or his?

You need to tell the police your fears about possible reprisals.

Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 14:21

The eBay account and PayPal both in my name. I'm so worried about what trouble I am also going to be in. All payments went through my bank.
I have contacted 101 about my fears, they said they cannot station officers outside my house 24/7 based on a feeling, I have to call 999 if anybody actually comes. I've hardly slept since Wednesday or eaten. I probably look a state I daren't look in the mirror.

OP posts:
Lipz · 04/05/2020 14:22

Oh wow it does sound like he knew what he was involved in but there is the tiniest chance he didn't. But, and it's a HUGE but, if he was innocent he would be doing everything in his power to talk to you, rant about being set up, needing a shoulder to cry on, instead he's hiding at his mother's, refusing to speak to you or check in the children's and your wellbeing and she's lying for him!!! This all makes it sound that he's guilty and a guilty person will do everything to avoid questions. I'd text him and tell him he needs to talk to you ASAP otherwise the marriage is over.

PersonaNonGarter · 04/05/2020 14:32

Come on OP. He dragged you into being a fence. He completely knew what he was doing.

This is not entry level stuff. I think you knew he was dodgy.

BorisTheBellend · 04/05/2020 14:35

The fact he is hiding under his Mum's skirt and not coming to face you tells you everything you need to know.

If he was innocent he would be home with you raking over the last few weeks and trying to figure out how you are going to cope if he goes to jail. He'd also want to spend every minute with his kids if he thought he was going to jail.

He's a coward, a shit partner and an absolute joke of a Dad.

And if my MIL ever lied to me saying she hadn't seen her son knowing I was worried sick which led me to ring the police then she would be getting cut out of my life too. She obviously doesn't give a shit about the kids either if she hasn't told her shit stain of a son to get home and see them.

Mrsjayy · 04/05/2020 14:38

Who do you think is going to come to your house? All you can do is assist the police and call them if you feel threatened your kids dad had done a flit and left you to it with 2 small kids.

Mulhollandmagoo · 04/05/2020 14:38

He knew they were stolen, he knew all of the paper trail would lead to you (your name, PayPal account) he then got caught and has abandoned his children, so if anyone comes to your house it's them who will be in danger??

I would text mummy, and tell her when she's finished wiping his arse all of his stuff is in bin bags on the front lawn and could she come and collect them for him and could she kindly make him aware that you are filing for divorce and that if any shady characters appear on your doorstep you will happily direct them to her address.

saraclara · 04/05/2020 14:40

If he had the ebay and paypal accounts in your name, I think it's extremely likely that he knew what he was doing. And running to his mum's and avoiding you is beyond cowardly. You would be mad to have him back.

Smelborp · 04/05/2020 14:41

You had to leave your home during a pandemic because your partners actions made it a crime scene. He’s left you to deal with everything alone, including raising your children and refused to tell you where he was. Where did he expect you to stay? I agree with others, get angry.

Mrsjayy · 04/05/2020 14:41

Can you. Go back to your Sisters ? Are you allowed to close the eBay /PayPal or are the police still looking at them ?

Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 14:45

The police have his phone which I have the number for. He would have a new phone by now but I have no number or he would of had the wrath of me down the phone.

It's taking all my strength not to text that sly cow for lying to me and telling her to collect his stuff but if I text her again she will file a harrasment complaint she told the officer last night on the phone 😂.

His stuff will go in the burning bin I'll probably feel better then.

Totally agree with all of you saying he's abandoned us when he should be here facing what's coming with me not hiding round her house.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 14:46

The police haven't actually asked me anything about eBay or PayPal yet which is why I have left the accounts open, I don't want to get myself into trouble for tampering with any evidence. My sister is only in a 2 bed flat with herself, her partner and her 3 kids.

OP posts:
MrsDoylesTeaBags · 04/05/2020 14:47

Oh dear, I'm fully in agreement with Mulhollandmagoo He knew what he was doing and he's played yu like a fiddle. My guess is your sister isn't blinded by love for him and can see right through him and thats why he doesn't like her.

Like PP have said, if this was a genuine error or he'd been caught up in something innocently he would be working with you st try to resolve it or figure out what will happen next. He wouldn't have laundered all the dirty money through your account and then left you high and dry.

You need to get tough and harden your heart to him, he's put you in a really dangerous position and could cause you a lot of trouble.

chunkyrun · 04/05/2020 14:48

Your sister probably sees through his bullshit which is why he doesn't like her

Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 14:49

I don't think he actually understands the seriousness of this at all. What if I end up being dragged into this because of him, what happens to our kids? It's like I'm the only person who is thinking logically about what's happened

OP posts:
NicLondon1 · 04/05/2020 14:52

Also - if this reassures you - I highly doubt the car owners will be wanting to turn up at a criminal's house to cause trouble.... they would have just used your address to get the police involved. Most people would rather the police deal with it.
They will just want the police report to make an insurance claim and get some money back. Otherwise - put it this way - they don't know it's not a gang of criminals living at the address and it could be dangerous for them turning up... they probably would never think it's just a mum and her kids!

3rdNamechange · 04/05/2020 14:52

I'd text his mother 'all of exhs stuff will be outside at 9am. If not collected by 1pm it will be going to the tip. Locks changed. Please inform him as I can't get hold of him. '
Let her try and get you for harassment, stupid woman, protecting her criminal son over her grandchildren.

Mrsjayy · 04/05/2020 14:53

What a mess not exactly what you need right now his mum sounds a peach I would keep the door locked so he can't waltz in and keep talking to your own family for support.

Onone · 04/05/2020 14:53

The owner did some detective work on eBay,how much money did he actually make?how long was he doing it for?

Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 14:56

It's in the thousands but not in hundreds or tens of thousands. I can't give an exact amount because I don't actually know.

The best thing I think I can do is move, start a fresh somewhere else. I don't wish to know he's been sent to prison reading it in the paper, as his significant other and mother of his children he should be telling me in person. Why is he a fucking dick hiding behind his mother. She won't support him once the attention has died down, she will be spending the money he has left before he goes to jail.

OP posts:
Mapril · 04/05/2020 14:57

all I know is he is in a lot of trouble but doesn't seem to give a flying shit about how his kids will be affected

That is ALL you need to know about him.

WhatDay · 04/05/2020 15:00

Ive named changed for this as i have a bit of an insight into this. My DH is in the same trade and has accidentally (genuinely!) ended up with stolen cars / stolen parts. As well as having had some stuff stolen and knows some of the people that do it.
Try not to worry about them coming to the house, they wouldn't have got the police involved if thats what they were going to do.

My feeling is your DH is hiding out as he's embarrassed at his stupidity. Id be fucking livid at the police turning up at the door and going through my house and the kids stuff, that alone and his subsequent cowardliness would be enough for me to pack his things and dump them at his mums - she clearly knows where he is.

Whats the deal with this other man? Was he the one stealing the cars? Do you know if he's been arrested?

Original poster
WhoCaresAnyway95 · 04/05/2020 15:03

@whatday no nobody else was arrested and I can imagine he hasnt given any names other than just saying he was working for somebody else.

What happened in your partner's case? Did he go to jail? Or is it still on going?

OP posts:
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