Badly explain your job

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

Because I think we all need a laugh at the moment! Inspired by a Twitter hashtag, explain your job (or an old one) and guess what other posters’ jobs were.

I use dangerous chemicals and fire around children.

10 different occupations in a day or so it seems like Jack of all trades. Master of none. Both in and out work.

Bubbletrouble Piano teacher?

Yay

Yes police

Alot of idiots having family around for BBQs tonight

@DontGoIntoTheLongGrass

Off topic I know, but how are you dealing with it? Are people getting fined? I guess not much you can do if on private property!

@SisyphusDad
"I write fiction with numbers and convince other people that they are facts." =
Accountant?

I give people aids for a living

Late to reply I know, @drinkingwineoutofamug but no. Shoe salesperson/footwear department. Basically upselling and telling people what they think they've been told is right is actually wrong. Or that they'd prefer a different shoe. I'm glad I'm no longer doing it tbh.

Although my DM still thinks she knows better than her chiropodist and is making her feet worse. She won't even listen to me and I've been telling her the shoes she's wearing are bad for her, despite her telling me she wanted my opinion because I know about shoes. Can't please some people, can't help them either.

I make dead people look better, I also make living people look better, especially children, and sometimes I also make clothes look fabulous.

@Youfunnycunt

Stylist or coroners?

@Youcunnyfunt

Coroners
Stylist?

I fill in endless forms about what naughty men have done and fortune tell about what they likely to do in the future, with specifics as to where when what and to who. I then write down what will stop them doing it and establish I don’t have hardly any resources for providing the things that stop it. Then everyone’s backs are covered and it’s not entirely pointless at all.

I do nothing for women but encourage them to do lots.

I was either Shit Hot or fucking awful depending on who I was working for.

I work with bodily fluids and instruments of torture.8-)
It has been known for a person to leave with some body parts missing after a routine visit.
I'm pretty good at needlework too

dyscalculicgal96

Nope :)

Should add, they only look better in an alternate reality...

If o do mine wrong I can cut people's heads off

I tell young adults they need to pull their socks up and that spell check cannot save you. Then I look in my tissue drawer.

Bossing people around in complicated games of lets pretend.

I commentate on dead people.

@Babamamananarama a theatre director?

@CandyLeBonBon a hairdresser?

@stickwoman cabin crew?

@shazkevincarrotlover surgeon?

Nope