Badly explain your job

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

Because I think we all need a laugh at the moment! Inspired by a Twitter hashtag, explain your job (or an old one) and guess what other posters’ jobs were.

I use dangerous chemicals and fire around children.

Science teacher?

I told people their choice of footwear was wrong

I give old people money til they die.

According to DD, my job is Sticking cameras down people’s throats and up people’s bottoms! (I don’t actually operate the cameras but I’m there when they do!).

Soon to be registered drug dealer

Boss scientists about.

@OneTooManyBathtimes
Chiropodist??

@Kpo58
Pensions? Post office??

I facilitate fogeyism and disappoint most of the people I see.

Bossing people about and spending other people's money (programme manager)

I'm a specialist in mind games and indoctrination of the vulnerable.

@bettybattenburg
Politician?

I play with play dough and wipe noses and bottoms all day.

I lie to children.

Betty - a counsellor?

I have to listen, try really hard not to daydream and then pretend I know exactly what to do to many people 30 years younger than me.

Trying to light and keep alight a metaphorical light bulb using telepathy to a machine that operates hourly using lots of dodgy wiring and a circuit board of short thick planks with a few shiny sparks thrown in for good measure.

@drinkingwineoutofamug Pharmacist?

Rubbing bodies for pleasure and making pubic hair look lovely

I poison babies

I'm an 'ambulance driver' apparently??? 😤

I write lots about things other people are doing

I move numbers on a spreadsheet from 1 column to another and make up stories about why they don't match.

@CatBatCat Accountant?

I write things that tell people what to do, and then get hissy with them when they do other things.

I guess the price of how much it costs to build something and hope someone agrees my guess is a good one and goes with it

Then I hope my guess is a good one so that the company doesn’t lose money on it

Then I do it all over again

@SignOnTheWindow are you Father Christmas?