Replace your pets name with "my drunk friend"....

[floatygoat]

And tell us what they're doing right now?

My drunk friend is in the garden shouting at the neighbours over the fence.

My drunk friend is flat out on the floor, where he has been for some time......

Our drunk friends have been out in the garden eating grass...as you do.

My drunk friend ate his own poop for the nutrients.

My drunk friend saw that mil was out watering the garden and decided that he had to drink all of the water that was clearly being wasted on the flowers. Cue very wet drunk friend, flattened bushes and a displeased mil

My drunk friend missed the litter tray and shat on the floor!😷🤢

My drunk friend is lying in a sunbeam flat on his back, legs akimbo, showing his 'gentleman's areas' off.......

My drunk friend is currently sitting in the Cadbury's delivery box licking his arse.

One of my drunk friends is staring at me hoping I drop lettuce on the floor for him to eat. The other drunk friend is sleeping in the middle of the living room on the floor and his legs are twitching like crazy.

My drunk friends have been fighting.
One is now sunbathing and the other is licking her arse on the sofa.

My drunk friend is passed out on my bed

My drunk friend is trying to hump my other drunk friend in the garden.

My drunk friend has just walked up to his sleeping brother and bit him on the willy.

One of my drunk friends is in bed with DH!
I want to get in the bed, but I'm afraid she'll attack me if I try to shove her out!

My drunk friend is sitting on my chest and headbutting me in the face.

My drunk friend is pawing at my boobs while DH watches.

My drunk friend has just conned a second dinner out of DH by pretending he was starving and neglected.

My drunk friend is keeping her teeth nice by eating a broccoli stalk.
Another drunk friend does a crazy yoga pose to unashamedly clean his nether regions! If we suggest that the mantlepiece might not be the best place to do this, he sneers judgily at us.