DS punched someone in school today.

[AlaskaElfForGin]

I'm mad with him, of course I am.

BUT his form tutor told me that it happened in reaction to a boy in his year telling everyone that I've just had a mastectomy (I have) and taking the piss out of DS because of it. Asking how he felt now that his 'mum is actually a man'. Apparently it had been going on last week and continued today so DS lost his temper.

DS is never in trouble - he hasn't had one behaviour point since the start of the school year and only had one last year for forgetting his PE kid.

I've been called in to speak to his form teacher, for the first time ever. What are they likely to do? I understand that there will be sanctions, I totally get that and he should never have hit this boy, but I can see how it happened.

Accept he was wrong, but also ask what they are doing about the other boys offensive and bullying behaviour.

I'll probably get flamed but I'm with your DS.

He's never hit anyone before and I'm absolutely not excusing what he's done but he's so upset and angry. He said that other things had been said but he won't tell me what.

Oh god. See this is where things get so unfair. Kids can be arseholes fir weeks and nothing happens then the one time the victim fights back they the one who gets in trouble.

He was wrong to hit

But

I'd tell the school that you will deal with dd as soon as they deal with the nasty bullying

I'm.sorry you had to have a mastectomy

Yes. The bully's behaviour needs addressing. I'm with your son as well.

I hope you make a complete recovery

The other boy got his just desserts

I wouldn't punish your DS at all in these exceptional circumstances.

I agree with Honeysucklejasmine. What the other boy did was far worse and quite frankly deserved it.

I'm with your son too 🤷🏼‍♀️ I wouldn't be able to be too angry at him

I'm with your ds as well, obviously resorting to violence is wrong but hes clearly had a lot to deal with and it was the last straw, poor lad. I'd be asking the school what they are putting in place to stop the bullying immediately. There may well be a sanction but as a first incident and with mitigating circumstances I would expect it to be the minimum consequence set out in their behavior policy for this kind of offence.

I'll probably get flamed but I'm with your DS.

Me too.

I think he's angry because this boy was laughing about it. Last year was shit and DS had lots to deal with and now that I'm coming out of the other side of treatment, we're slowly getting back to normal.

DS did the right thing imo.

Im with your DS too.

Reassure the form tutor that you've had ' violence is never acceptable' talk then ask what they are doing about the nasty little bully.

Sympathy for you and your son - surely school can see how unacceptable that boy’s behaviour was?
Obviously violence isn’t ok, but your son’s reaction was understandable in the circumstances.

I think you need to ask you DS what else was said. Write them down, and take them in to the meeting with you. Accept that your son was wrong to use violence and will accept a reasonable punishment, but you also want to know what punishment the other child will also be receiving, and how the school are going to ensure the bullying doesn't happen again.

He's most likely going to get a few days exclusion or detention.

We'll have a proper talk when he's calmed down a bit but there will be no punishment from me. He's just said that he felt he had to protect me (from what I don't really know) and I must admit I would probably have felt the same when I was 15.

Team DS as well.

Obvious, there needs to be measured and reasonable (sympathetic) consequences for his lashing out but it would be unjust if the bullying boy went unpunished for his really cruel taunts.

Don’t blame your ds at all, that boy was asking for a punch. The school need to accept the extreme provocation, and also address the appalling bullying behaviour of the other boy.

Had a mastectomy myself 3 years ago, really hope you make a good recovery

Another who thinks DS was right in this instance.

I'm with your ds, and I'd be fuming that the school have been allowing this other boy to get away with such cruel behaviour. That's what I'd be wanting answers too.

What is the school doing about the emotional bullying he is receiving?

In all honesty, the other boy deserved it! They have to call you to the school as a formality so they are seen to be consistent. The form teacher was clear with the reasons as to why, they just can’t ever be seen to agree with a violent outburst. Go along to the meeting, nod and agree it was wrong to react like that and then ask them what they are going to put in place if this other child continues to goad your son. I hope you’re on the mend as I’m sure your ds has been stressed and worried about you.

His form tutor was lovely on the phone, he knows DS well so he knows this is not normal for him.

for you. Hope your recovery carries on being successful.