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Original poster

DS punched someone in school today.

234 replies

AlaskaElfForGin · 20/01/2020 16:33

I'm mad with him, of course I am.

BUT his form tutor told me that it happened in reaction to a boy in his year telling everyone that I've just had a mastectomy (I have) and taking the piss out of DS because of it. Asking how he felt now that his 'mum is actually a man'. Apparently it had been going on last week and continued today so DS lost his temper.

DS is never in trouble - he hasn't had one behaviour point since the start of the school year and only had one last year for forgetting his PE kid.

I've been called in to speak to his form teacher, for the first time ever. What are they likely to do? I understand that there will be sanctions, I totally get that and he should never have hit this boy, but I can see how it happened.

OP posts:
HoneysuckIejasmine · 20/01/2020 16:46

Frankly I imagine your kids form tutor is on his side too.

Original poster
AlaskaElfForGin · 20/01/2020 16:46

What is the school doing about the emotional bullying he is receiving?

For me, that's that'll be the most important part of the meeting.

OP posts:
mumonthehill · 20/01/2020 16:47

Go to the school with the I understand he did wrong, address the issues that caused it, say you will have a strong word with him etc. Then take your DS out for a big piece of cake and give him a huge hug. He will know he did not react as he should but honestly he was pushed to breaking point.

avocadoze · 20/01/2020 16:47

Flowers to you and your ds OP. Bullies know exact what to say to push their victims to the limit. Violence is never the answer, but your ds will no doubt have realised this already. Hopefully the kid who was teasing him will now be punished appropriately.

Qwerty543 · 20/01/2020 16:48

Well hopefully the bully has learnt a valuable lesson.

Shockers · 20/01/2020 16:50

Heck, I’d like to give that boy a slap too... and you and your DS a big hug.

Allcrimps · 20/01/2020 16:51

Well the bully learned that if you're a dick to the wrong guy, you're going to see consequences. Your son probably feels like shit about it if hes bot usually the 'type' and will take that lesson going forward. I can't get worked up about it. I'm not the 'I make excuses for my child' type, but to be fair, he's had a lot on his plate and sounds like he was pushed and goaded until he snapped. I hope he gave the boy what for tbh! And besides, sometimes a little bit of rep is a good thing. Boys that age can be dicks so it's a little message that your son is not to be fucked with. Don't worry about school, first offence under difficult circumstances, he won't get any grief beyond a talking to.

Livebythecoast · 20/01/2020 16:51

Hopefully the school will realise how out of character this was for your DS and punish the vile bully.
Wishing you well with your recovery Flowers.

richele4 · 20/01/2020 16:52

DS was right, what a vile boy the other one sounds like. Hope your DS broke his nose.

Varnas · 20/01/2020 16:52

Your son was bullied, the school hasn't done anything to stop it and he was pushed to the point to use violence.
It's totally school's fault and your son should not be punished. You need to be by his side in this situation.

Jaxhog · 20/01/2020 16:53

I think you know that what he did was absolutely wrong. But I think both your DS and the other boys deserved to be punished. However provoked he was (and he was), resorting to violence is never the answer. This is a lesson he needs to learn.

NanooCov · 20/01/2020 16:53

If I were the other boy's parent, I would be absolutely sickened by my child's behaviour and hope that your DS received the absolute minimum of sanctions from the school (if any at all).

If I were you, I'd be weirdly proud of your DS. Thanks for you and your whole family.

AlexanderHalexander · 20/01/2020 16:55

There's emotional bullying, and then there's tormenting a peer because his mother had cancer.

It's emotional torture, and I think the other boy clearly has very serious problems.

saraclara · 20/01/2020 16:57

To be fair, the school probably knew nothing about these taunts until now. 15 year old aren't followed around by teachers who hear their conversations.

I'm sure that they will now investigate the bullying though. And be entirely sympathetic to your son (while feeling obliged to go through the motions of saying don't do it again)

Ohyesiam · 20/01/2020 16:58

I’m a total pacifist, cissy , , don’t believe in violence , hate fighting sports.
But I’m totally with your DS.
The other boy was behaving disgustingly, it takes a certain sort of heartlessness to find something that someone is already wounded by ( I mean your illness op, not your surgery) and decide to twist the knife.
It was an appropriate response.

I would be onto the head of year/ house to make sure the other boy was well sanctioned.

It is likely now that bully boy will start treating your son with a bit more respect.

hellcarryingahandbag · 20/01/2020 16:59

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Ohyesiam · 20/01/2020 17:00

Posted early.
Your son was standing up for himself, and his family.

Glad to hear your life is getting back on track, hope you and your family go from strength to strength.

Neolara · 20/01/2020 17:01

I suspect your ds's form tutor is also secretly team DS as well and thinks the other boy deserved it. Obviously, they won't be able to admit that in the meeting.

I'm sorry things have been so difficult for you and your family. I agree with others that you just need to agree that D's shouldn't have hit anyone, then move swiftly on to how they are going to stop the miserable toerag saying awful things to your ds again. Also good to come up with a plan for what your ds should do if it continues so he doesn't have to resort to violence.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/01/2020 17:01

Heartfelt sympathies to both of you Flowers

I hope school take the sensible approach given his excellent track record and the little shit picking on him has the book thrown at him.

steppemum · 20/01/2020 17:02

Well, I'm with your ds too.

And I have NEVER in 17 years of mn seen a thread where a child hit/pushed and every single poster says the other child deserved it.

Which just goes to show how unjustified the other child's behaviour was.

Flowers for you and your ds

ineedaholidaynow · 20/01/2020 17:02

I would be mortified if it was my DS one taunting your DS. I would want tough sanctions against my DS and the least punishment they could give your DS

Kwkwjwkek · 20/01/2020 17:02

I’m with your ds too. They need to be taught a lesson

billy1966 · 20/01/2020 17:02

I've never been in this situation and I certainly don't condone violence but I would be as kind and as loving and as supportive if it was one of my boys.

Your son has had a very stressful year worrying about you. The poor pet.

I would indeed give the expected platitudes on condoning violence but I would want answers as to what action will be taken against the bully.

I would not be accepting any bullshit answers from the form head. I would be asking for a formal response.

Bring someone with you to the meeting.
Also take notes, document the meeting and minute it back to them with exactly what's been agreed.

If you don't get the action you want. Go over their head.

Your poor boy💐

LauraAurora79 · 20/01/2020 17:03

Ask to see CCTV of the incident. While this will show your ds hitting the bully, it might also show the bully taunting him. And then you have the bully. Find the school's anti-bullying policy and locate the section that describes bullying as being persistent/words rather than a one off punch. Take that to the meeting with you so that when you ask what sanctions the bully is going to get, if they say nothing, then you can refer them to that.

So sorry. How awful for your poor ds, to have had to go through all the worry of you being so ill and then to have to deal with such a vile child.

whiskeyandice · 20/01/2020 17:04

I hope the little shit now thinks twice before opening his disgusting shitty face and talking utter shit.
Shithead.