DS punched someone in school today.

[AlaskaElfForGin]

I'm mad with him, of course I am.

BUT his form tutor told me that it happened in reaction to a boy in his year telling everyone that I've just had a mastectomy (I have) and taking the piss out of DS because of it. Asking how he felt now that his 'mum is actually a man'. Apparently it had been going on last week and continued today so DS lost his temper.

DS is never in trouble - he hasn't had one behaviour point since the start of the school year and only had one last year for forgetting his PE kid.

I've been called in to speak to his form teacher, for the first time ever. What are they likely to do? I understand that there will be sanctions, I totally get that and he should never have hit this boy, but I can see how it happened.

What an absolute horror. What an awful thing to say
I wouldn’t punish my son for punching him, in fact I might punch him myself

I'd take him for McDonalds personally.

Before the meeting, get a copy of the school's bullying policy and go through it point by point asking how they have implemented it in relation to the other boy. They don't have to give you personal information about him, but they do have to demonstrate what they are doing to put an immediate stop to this sort of conduct.

He was wrong to hit him but I don't have any sympathy for the other boy.

I would definitely be asking the school how they are addressing this bullying behaviour as your son was provoked.

Sorry to hear about your mastectomy and I hope you make a full recovery

If DS came home saying your son had punched him and he admitted why he'd lose all privileges immediately and be told to write you and your boy a letter of personal apology.

Sounds like the boy got what he deserved. I'd just say as a pp said that you've had the violence is never acceptable chat and ask what they're going to do to address the bullying.

I’m with your ds. It’s obviously a very stressful and upsetting time for him (and you). What are the school doing about the other boys bullying behaviour. Your ds need a support from school

I'd like to think that the bully will think twice about picking on your son again.

I agree that writing down everything the bully has said is a good idea. It also sounds like the form tutor will listen to you. Do come back with an update. I hate bullying.

Well the bully learned that if you're a dick to the wrong guy, you're going to see consequences.

This is pretty much what DH just said to me. He doesn't think it's right that DS hit this other lad either, but he says he would have done the same.

From what I gather from his form teacher, the school didn't know what was being said last week. They only really know because another pupil told a teacher what was being said, DS hadn't said anything.

I hope he broke the other boy's nose. Do not punish him please. I'm sure he understand that this isn't how one should normally respond but I think his response was warranted in this instance.

I hope you are recovering well from your operation. x

At 15 your DS would not have wanted to get the school involved, he wouldn't have wanted to be called a snitch (or whatever the latest word is). I know this from experience.

Your poor ds. How cruel are some people. That POS deserved it. Dont punish your boy. Focus the discussion on what is being done to the bullies.

I hate bullies! Your son took as much as he could before snapping, the poor thing.
Good on him!

I wouldn’t accept my child being given a detention or whatever for this unless the other kids were. Im with your ds on this..

I don't think I would have been able to get the words out in his shoes "that kid keeps taking the mickey out of my mum because she had breast removal surgery for cancer" is difficult to say as an adult.

Sorry, should have said I hope you’re on the road to recovery and getting better.

I think you should let the school know you are happy to discuss DS's punishment for hitting right after they have demonstrated that they have reformed the school's bullying culture. I don't for a moment believe no one knew what the boy was saying. Boys who say these kinds of horribly hurtful and awful things don't just do so out of the blue, they have form for bullying and picking on others. As soon as the school demonstrates that it has dealt with this bully and the culture that allowed him to behave this way, then you can discuss DS's behaviour.

while a punch can kill if the recipient falls badly, in this case it didn't and it sounds like some pain was richly deserved. I would also want to know what is going to happen to the revolting bully.

From what I gather from his form teacher, the school didn't know what was being said last week. They only really know because another pupil told a teacher what was being said, DS hadn't said anything.

Even better that there are witnesses.

I always take the line that I won't double punish. So I'd be saying that yes, I'll have a word with him but I won't punish him again at home if he's been punished in school. I'm with your DS, he must have been ever so upset to react the way he did and I'd be telling school exactly what the other boy had been saying/doing and make it clear that he needs dealing with too.

I hope you have a speedy recovery

I’d be wanting a meeting with the other boy, ds and me, wherein the other boy could repeat the things he’d said about me, to me.

good

I can see why your ds has reacted that way and also think that the key issue is the bully not him.

I’m with your ds too. I hope the school come down on the bully hard. Be proud of your ds for fighting for you. What a piece of shit the other boy is. I would not be condoning any sort of detention or punishment for your son. Wish you well on your road to recovery.

Hoping for your complete recovery, OP

I’m with your son on this one. Good for him. If the school has a zero-tolerance on violence policy, like my son’s school has, he’ll get the same punishment as the other boy, unfortunately. Definitely question the school about what is being done to address the vile child who started it.

Last school year my son was attacked by three boys during a class (one of those workshop classes where kids work in groups). The teacher didn’t see the other boys jump my son, but naturally he saw my son defending himself and push and punch one of the boys attacking him.

My son had never, ever been in trouble before, while one of the perpetrators was a constant troublemaker. All four of them got hauled down to the principal’s office, and because of the zero-tolerance policy, all four of them got a three-day in-school suspension. To sort out the mess, the administrators questioned some other kids in the class, who verified that the three bullies started it, completely upending the lies the bullies were spewing that my son began the whole thing.

My son overheard one of the principals saying (behind closed doors) to the other, “Well, what was Tilez Jr. supposed to do? He was jumped by three boys!” The assistant principal, when he called me, was almost apologetic on the phone, but had to adhere to the zero-tolerance policy, which I completely understood.

I don’t like violence either; however, I did have one comment and one question for my son: “Next time, it may not be such a good idea to retaliate as you did, although I see why you did it,” and “Did you land some good punches at least?” He said yes.

On the plus side, those same three boys have been working to get into my son’s good graces, and he’s now “cool” with them. He won’t be best friends, but since he’s got a bit of a rep now, they leave him alone, and no one else has tried anything with him since.

I imagine it will be the same with your son, and bullies will know to steer clear of him now.

Sorry for the long post. Bullies everywhere rile me up to no end.

Ahhh. I’m so sorry your son is being bullied. Poor lad- after what you’ve all been through too.

It would have been hard for anyone not to react to that taunt.

I’m sure you will cover all this with him but i’ll say it anyway, it’s what I stressed to my DS after a similar incident.

There will always be an arsehole. In any class, any school, any job, any pub, any football match, any nightclub. There is always someone there who gets their buzz from riling others. They win when you react. It’s exactly what they’re aiming for when they start taunting. You win by holding your tongue and walking away. It sounds like a cliche but that is literally it. They don’t get their kick when you don’t react. It’s very hard- at first- but it gets easier and also- when bullies realise you don’t react, they move on. And finally- one punch can kill. The reason for the punch doesn’t matter when someone is lying dead in front of you. A teenager died in exactly these circumstances a couple of years ago near to me. School boy disagreement- other boy punched him and that was it. It’s that quick and that serious. You can’t express that too strongly to him.