DS punched someone in school today.

[AlaskaElfForGin]

I'm mad with him, of course I am.

BUT his form tutor told me that it happened in reaction to a boy in his year telling everyone that I've just had a mastectomy (I have) and taking the piss out of DS because of it. Asking how he felt now that his 'mum is actually a man'. Apparently it had been going on last week and continued today so DS lost his temper.

DS is never in trouble - he hasn't had one behaviour point since the start of the school year and only had one last year for forgetting his PE kid.

I've been called in to speak to his form teacher, for the first time ever. What are they likely to do? I understand that there will be sanctions, I totally get that and he should never have hit this boy, but I can see how it happened.

No Wire. I was immensely proud of my son for hitting someone who kept hitting a smaller child whilst the school did nothing. He tried to reason with the violent bully in more than one occasion whilst the playground staff stood there regarding their navel. Try having some empathy for the bullied.

I work in primary and if this happened and I HAD to give your son a consequence then it would be missing play or lunch, but I'd arrange for him to sit inside either with me,another trusted adult or the pastoral care team and just have a chat about how he is and check up on him/try to help him rather than as a punishment.

I dont think your son was in the wrong.He lashed out in defense of his mother and the horrible lad deserved a punch imo.

No Wire. I was immensely proud of my son for hitting someone who kept hitting a smaller child whilst the school did nothing.

I didn’t say you shouldn’t be?

Try having some empathy for the bullied.

Christ, if only you knew.

OP I'd take whatever punishment school give for hitting and that's the end of it regarding your ds consequences. They will do something as they cannot condone violence. I would expect this to be a lenient sanction but they will have to do something.

I'd expect school to act on the bullying. If they didn't know about it until today then I can see why they haven't acted before. They might not give you specifics of what they are doing to the bullies but they should be doing something.

I don't think your ds was in the wrong.

I'd be asking what support the school has provided for your DS over the last year and what tyry are doing about the bullying. I would say that I did not condone his actions however given the immense pressure hes been under clearly this was uncharacteristic behaviour from a specific set of circumstances. And yeah I'm in your DS's corner too.

Well, personally I'm really proud of your son! I would tell the school that you will support their punishment, go easy on him at home, and also ask the school what measures they will be taking over the bullies. They should call their parents in too and tell them what their sons have been saying.

Nah Wire you likened the ops son to a toddler. Not cool. Standing by and doing nothing isn’t anything to be proud of, although understandable if you consider how schools are so impudent with regards bullying.

Impudent

Hopefully the meeting will be more about how they can support your Son through this awful time and not his reaction. Although violence is never the answer, he clearly got to the point he had to shut up this bully, just perhaps the staff should have silenced him first!

I’m with your son on this one. Well done for sticking up for his mum

Another one on team DS. Those are horrific things to say and I don’t blame him one bit for teaching the bully a lesson.

To be honest I wouldn’t except any form of punishment from the school and any teacher who tells you they wouldn’t react to something so personal is a liar in my opinion. They should be focusing on punishing the bully.

I hope you are ok OP, this must be very hard for you too!

I'd punish your son by taking him on a fantastic day out..........

Ex teacher here. I never condone violence, Bravo ds

It's possible your ds finally reacted because he needed it to be brought to the school's attention without being seen to tell tales. Now another dc has also spoken up I'd be trying to find out from ds everything that has been said and done and by whom because there's sure to be more.

The little shit who has been bullying and teasing ds is very unlikely to be acting on his own without a gang of cronies sniggering, egging him on and joining in. It's quite likely that they're making others in the group ostracise your ds. Try to get the whole story from your ds including any aggression and retaliation from ds back because you can be sure the bully will find every excuse in the book.

Good luck to you both tomorrow.

I think your son totally did the right thing. I’m normally “ walk away, let it go” but everyone has their limits.

Wishing you well for tomorrow and the longer term with your health. You’ve raised a kind young man who loves his mum very much. 🌺

I hope it was a bloody good lefthook, now the little pig wont be so mouthy

Give him a hug.
Give yourself a hug.

I would tell him that you love him for his sensitivity in not telling you everything they said, but that he needs to tell the staff everything.

Tell the person that you speak to also that he hasn’t reported it all to you because he wants to protect you.

It is really good that other pupils reported what was going on.

Every single one of us would rather have a son who did what yours did than have the shame of a son like the other boy.

I'm with your ds too bullies like that need a good wallop if you ask me

Nah Wire you likened the ops son to a toddler. Not cool

I understand you feel defensive as your child has reacted in a similar way to the OPs, you'll See in my first post on the thread I said my child has too so I’m coming from the same position as you. I’m not meaning to upset anyone.

Lashing out in anger is a result of not having developed the emotional maturity to control your temper. It’s an immature response. That’s not being said as a dig at anyone, I’ve been there myself, just a description of what it is.

Personally I think the whole world is a better place if we’re encouraging non violent reactions as the starting point. I’d rather my child didn’t hit anyone where at all possible and I’d rather my child wasn’t hit even if someone was really really angry at them.

Team Ds. Standing up for his mum, what a lovely boy.

Your poor DS. Hopefully the school will stamp on the other boy's behaviour & will give minimal sanctions for the punch.

WireBrush - did you miss the part where the OP said that her DS has been ignoring the other boy's horrible comments for some time already? Her DS's punch wasn't the "starting point", his initial reaction was to ignore the vile behaviour. Or what would you have recommended, given that most schools' responses to verbal bullying seems to be to ignore it?

I’m with your son as well . Other boy deserved it

did you miss the part where the OP said that her DS has been ignoring the other boy's horrible comments for some time already?

No I’ve read the whole thread.

Her DS's punch wasn't the "starting point", his initial reaction was to ignore the vile behaviour.

I know.

Or what would you have recommended, given that most schools' responses to verbal bullying seems to be to ignore it?

Should we be recommending that children hit then when they don’t think the school is doing enough? Is that what you are suggesting?

It’s also not clear whether the boy had actually informed the school of the bullying before today’s incident.