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Original poster

DS punched someone in school today.

234 replies

AlaskaElfForGin · 20/01/2020 16:33

I'm mad with him, of course I am.

BUT his form tutor told me that it happened in reaction to a boy in his year telling everyone that I've just had a mastectomy (I have) and taking the piss out of DS because of it. Asking how he felt now that his 'mum is actually a man'. Apparently it had been going on last week and continued today so DS lost his temper.

DS is never in trouble - he hasn't had one behaviour point since the start of the school year and only had one last year for forgetting his PE kid.

I've been called in to speak to his form teacher, for the first time ever. What are they likely to do? I understand that there will be sanctions, I totally get that and he should never have hit this boy, but I can see how it happened.

OP posts:
CuckooCuckooClock · 20/01/2020 17:05

How badly hurt is the other boy?
Probably plenty of teachers will sympathise with your ds.
I think it’s sad for both boys - the other one will have context too.

georgialondon · 20/01/2020 17:07

Good on your son. I hope they address the bully's behaviour.

mummykauli7 · 20/01/2020 17:08

Also with your DS. Good for him for sticking up for himself and you.

It's a first "offence" so hopefully punishment won't be too bad. But make it clear that any punishment he gets the bully should also get if not more.

Out of interest did DS mention bullys behaviour to any teachers before the punching incident. If so ask why it wasn't dealt with and why your DS had to endure such cruel comments being made to him.

Reginabambina · 20/01/2020 17:08

This makes me think of Anne of Green Gables. I know that hitting is bad but this did make me smile.

Littlebearstrousers · 20/01/2020 17:09

Another one for team DS.

Hope the bully knows to keep his head down and mouth shut from now on.

Hope you and your son are okay Flowers

Stuckandsadintheupsidedown · 20/01/2020 17:09

Bless.his heart. I wouldn't punish him either but I would sit him down to watch the one punch documentary in a weeks time or so.
I'm related to someone who served a life sentence for throwing a punch that killed another man.
One day your boy is going to be even bigger and stronger, this needs to be the first and last time he hits another person.

Violetparis · 20/01/2020 17:10

I'd be proud to have such a loving, loyal, brave son. The teaching staff will surely see that your son has been pushed to the brink after such a tough time for your family. Best wishes to you all Flowers.

Oblomov20 · 20/01/2020 17:11

Good luck with the meeting OP.
Hope you can turn it around so the focus goes back to the bullying!

leafyskyline · 20/01/2020 17:11

Another vote for team DS here, also said by someone who hates violence.

I would simply say you'll be dealing with DS at home (by treating him to his favourite takeaway and big hug), and ensure the meeting is focussed on how they intend to deal with the appalling bullying your DS has been facing.

Thanks for you following your treatment OP

Motorbike311 · 20/01/2020 17:12

Team DS as he did the right thing. Sometimes bullies just need a smack. I would suggest getting him a pizza tonight

Barbarella1 · 20/01/2020 17:12

CuckooCuckooClock -

How badly hurt is the other boy?
Probably plenty of teachers will sympathise with your ds.
I think it’s sad for both boys - the other one will have context too.

What context would that be? A bully taunting a boy who’s mother has had cancer? A sexist twat who thinks a women isn’t a women without breasts?

Team DS all the way and I wouldn’t accept any punishment from the school.

Moonflower12 · 20/01/2020 17:12

I too am with your son. The other boy deserved all he got.

Thanksfor you. Xx

Pinkypie86 · 20/01/2020 17:13

My DS 11 did the same a few months ago.
This boy had been taunting him, goading him, sending messages for a number of weeks - got a phone call saying he had whacked him.

Well, I don't do an eye for an eye type thing but, I think my son was well within his rights to give this boy a taste of his own medicine - although I'd have preferred he hadn't used his fists.
The boy did punch him back, twice!

Moral of the story is - Your son was wrong to punch, the other lad was definitely wrong to name call and be a general little shit - but, there will always be this kind of behaviour!!

It's a tough one to know where to stand... I don't know anyone who would be able to define exactly who was in the wrong.

frumpety · 20/01/2020 17:13

Christ only know's what else was said if your DS is protecting you by not telling you Sad I think he has done really well to keep his hands to himself for so long and should be commended for keeping his cool for a week.
Wishing you a speedy recovery Flowers

WeirdPookah · 20/01/2020 17:13

Your son sounds a brave lad. And emotionally more mature if he is ready to defend you this way at this age, despite the actions he was driven too.

I hope his school deals with the bullying he has received and that his form tutor stands up for him and normal behavior.

You have a wonderful lad. I hope your recovery goes well.

Pinkypie86 · 20/01/2020 17:14

Posted too soon...
Good Luck with your treatment.
X

GeraldineFangedVagine · 20/01/2020 17:15

I’m with your DS. I hope you are on the road to recovery and so is he xx

PristineCondition · 20/01/2020 17:17

Im struggling got sympathy for the other boy here too

Hope the school deal with this kindly OP

Kanga83 · 20/01/2020 17:17

I'm with your son. Good for him. In the meeting I would accept that violence is not acceptable, but he was provoked by an emotionally charged response and what will the school be doing about the bullying your son has been on the receiving end of.

calgaryreminiscence · 20/01/2020 17:20

I can’t for the life of me see what the mitigating circumstances would be for the boy your ds hit - totally inexcusable to goad him like that.

I would be having a chat about provocation not being an excuse in law though, your ds was morally right to defend you but if he’d hurt the other boy badly he’d have paid a high price.

CuckooCuckooClock · 20/01/2020 17:20

barbarella
I don’t condone either boys actions but if we are excusing violence perpetrated by the op’s son because of what he’s been through then we can’t judge the other boy because we don’t know what he has been through.
Many years ago one of my students (I’m a teacher) punched another student. There had been some racist insults thrown and the recipient snapped. The boy who was punched ended up with his jaw wired for 6 weeks it was so badly broken. Both boys lives we changed that moment.
Lots of people said the punches boy deserved what he got for being racist.
I knew that his mum had just lost a several year long battle with cancer. Whilst that doesn’t excuse his behaviour, it does mean that he was a little boy going through a really shit time and was making some bad decisions.

Kn0ckOnTheDoor · 20/01/2020 17:20

sorry op, but im with your son. give him a huge hug from us all please for standing up for his mum. Flowers

Buzzzlightyear · 20/01/2020 17:22

So angry on behalf of your son! It’s absolutely not ok to go around hitting but as pp have pointed out these are exceptional circumstances. If that was my child (the one saying those hurtful things) i would feel they deserved it.

lilmishap · 20/01/2020 17:22

Did the school tell you it was going on last week?
If they were aware of it before it got to punching, I would be furious that they hadn't intervened.

There's only so many times you can expect a boy to say 'stop saying that' and walking away before it escalates.

bluebella4 · 20/01/2020 17:24

I'm with your son. Our home works like.. if my son has reported a student and told student himself to stop and nothing has been done then my child has the right to protect himself.

I have realised quite a few kids have no respect or care for others and believe there are no rules, hench why they bully and continue to do so because the know they can get away with it and believe it or not protected more than victims of there meanness!

Although, speak with your child about anger. An how he feels with regards to you and your op.
I wish you a speedy recovery!