Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DD 14 drink spiked

204 replies

Holdingtherope · 01/01/2020 01:08

I am at work tonight. Unbeknown to me, daughter and friends snuck out to a party. Looks like my daughter was either spiked or drunk too much.

She is fine, going in the ambulance to hospital. What will they do? I feel so helpless. Husband in bed and can’t wake him.

Suitable punishment? Only child who has hot teenager age yet and it’s so unknown. I just don’t know what to do

OP posts:
notaflyingmonkey · 01/01/2020 08:20

What a stressful night you've had Op Flowers

Parenting a teen can be bloody hard at the best of times, but I would guess that a teen with a terminally ill DF throws something else into the mix.

My DS was referred to SS. Unfortunately it didn't do him the slightest bit of good. I begged a referral to CAMHS but he turned 18 before he was seen. Depending on where you live, support for teens is few and far between unfortunately. My lovely GP was the person that gave me the best advice in the end.

Troels · 01/01/2020 08:24

All these ‘perfect nurses’ I have never been like that but you did remind me of the student on my course who was a week or two into training and stopped at a RTA and offered assistance!

Aww bless I've met students like this. Grin Less than a year in and they have answers for everything and their opinions are the only right one.
Getting qualified and out on your own usually cures it.
Glad you found someone to come in early and got to pick her up. Sorry to hear your Dh is so ill too.

drspouse · 01/01/2020 08:33

I am glad she's safe, did they establish if it was alcohol or something else?
I went out with friends as a student and left my keys behind, and all my friends' bags/keys, with my flatmate in bed. The flatmate was deaf but it was in the days of landlines and no voicemail. I literally rang the landline from a payphone for 5 minutes before she woke.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 01/01/2020 08:37

Troels - I sent this thread to my MIL who just retired as a nurse and dealt with a lot of students in her time (Oh the stories...) She is currently feeling a little lost.

I hope it reminds her of all the bullshit that she doesn't have to deal with anymore.

Purplewithred · 01/01/2020 08:40

The paramedics would have spent most of last night taking drunk people to hospital: at least your daughter wasn't aggressive, on drugs, hadn't been driving, didn't grab their tits/balls, didn't vomit kebab all over them etc etc. It would have been a relatively easy job. She is by no means the first teenager who snuck out and got completely paralytic behind her parents' back.

Obviously your circumstances are more difficult - if you work nights and DH can't ride shotgun when you're out then effectively you're leaving DD home alone. At 14, with the added pressure of DH's illness, it's going to be tough for her to step up to responsibilities her friends don't have to worry about. Is there a charity you can contact for support for yourself and for her? I doubt SS have the bandwidth to get involved until there is a significant problem, and you don't want things deteriorating to that point.

KidCaneGoat · 01/01/2020 08:44

Hi, hope your DD is ok now. I was thinking, is there a way you can raise this as a major incident/near miss at work? You should have been more able to contact on call and leave in an emergency. That seems more of the issue. There could be plenty of other reasons why you would need to contact them - imagine if you had a funny turn at work or there was an incident with a patient - and you couldn’t contact on call. I’ve worked in safeguarding and we wouldn’t have phoned SS if we’d been able to contact a parent but they couldn’t get there immediately. Only if we couldn’t contact anyone at all, or we had other concerns. But I hope you get the support you feel you need. I don’t think it’s that bad that your daughter sneaked out. Teenagers make mistakes.

Leflic · 01/01/2020 08:44

Teen sneaks out and gets drunk at teen party on NYE. Ambulance called because 14 year olds haven’t seen anyone pass out/ go to sleep from drinking too much ( and it doesn’t sound like Op DD is used to drinking) . Hospital says she’s fine and needs no treatment.

One parent at responsibly at work one with a terminal illness at home asleep.

Am I literally the only person who thinks this doesn’t involve SS, safeguarding or any other sort of moral outrage?

SimonJT · 01/01/2020 08:53

Do the people who think the father sleeping is poor parenting expect single parents to never ever sleep?!

Inforthelonghaul · 01/01/2020 08:55

OP I honestly can’t see what the big deal is here. Teens get drunk, that’s a fact and to be honest they seem to do it much less than when I was a teenager.

Sit your DD down and talk to her. You were at work, her father was unable to respond. It’s a good opportunity for her to learn and luckily no real harm done.

There are many many things to worry about if you let yourself but for me this wouldn’t be one of them.

lovelyupnorth · 01/01/2020 08:59

@Leflic

I’m with you. The hospital clearly had contact with Mum and would understand why couldn’t attend. And why dad was uncontactable. A 14 y/o sneaking out and getting pissed is hardly unusual.

Think there’s some people not in the real world.

OP hope all is well today. Having collected pissed DDs up from various locations in the past. 14 is a time to experiment and I’m sure a night in hospital will have taught her a lot.

One thing I have as on emergency call out for lifeboat. Is certain numbers on DNB override which means calls get through and ring loud regardless if phone is on silent or DND. Also have a different ring tone for these which is very loud and annoying. We need that as live in a house with no landline.

Shedidnt · 01/01/2020 09:02

She'll be as sick as a small hospital.

Bit young to be sneaking out, unless she's closer to 15.

Why does your family need SS support btw? You can bet your life that if you didn't want them sniffing around, they'd be on you like a hot snot. Because you actually want them around, they'll be nowhere to be seen.

AnnaMagnani · 01/01/2020 09:03

Leflic no you are not. Absolutely no way my DM would have left her night shift for me, if I'd got myself in that scenario.

She was at work, earning money and looking after sicks patients while I was being irresponsible? At least I was now safe. She pick me up in the morning fuming.

And from my A+E days, everyone said their drink way spiked - no-one ever said the far more likely 'I have drunk too much'.

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 01/01/2020 09:03

I have been "reported" to SS once in hospital, but no further action taken by them.

It just meant it was put I a register, and if something else happened they would have a record.

The SS person in hospital was very friendly and helpful (but I was still scared at her being there at all)

This was a few years ago, and DS younger

Hope your DD is OK, what a shock for you all!

Shedidnt · 01/01/2020 09:03

One thing I have as on emergency call out for lifeboat.

What does this mean?

Shedidnt · 01/01/2020 09:09

She's not going to be terribly popular with her friends. They're all going to be rather annoyed that her drunkenness landed them all in A&E to support her. At least they did that much.

Beansandcoffee · 01/01/2020 09:09

If my teenager is out drinking and I go to bed I leave my phone on so if there is an emergency they can contact me. Single parent here.

To be fair to posters slagging the husband off the OP did a huge drip feed re her H. Under normal circumstances I’m sure if a young teenager is out partying most parents on MN would stay awake to ensure their young teenager gets home safely.

Skyechasemarshalontheway · 01/01/2020 09:14

How many people have missed the fact the teenager snuck out the house.

Lots of teens have done that, that needs a bit of punishment but how was dad meant to know.

I certainly wouldn't expect it if it has never happened before. My phone is on do not disturb at night unless the kids are away.

Glad your home op and hope dd doesn't feel to bad when she's up in the morning.

damnthatanxiety · 01/01/2020 09:18

Only on MN would people be raging and abusing a person for being asleep. At night. When they assumed (quite normally) that their 14 year old was also asleep. I have my phone next to my bed but I am aware that I am unusual and by all accounts, doing the wrong thing in having my phone on next to me. All scientific and sleep advice is to gave the phone off or in another room. Yet MNers predictably are angry at a terminally ill man on medication for being asleep. Sheesh.

damnthatanxiety · 01/01/2020 09:19

What do MNers think single parents do? Not sleep?

Ragwort · 01/01/2020 09:36

leflic totally agree with, of course the mother can’t ‘walk out’ of her job caring for vulnerable, elderly adults Hmm - that would result In another serious safeguarding incident, odd how people often only think of safeguarding in relation to young people.

And social services aren’t just sitting around ready to intervene at the smallest incident, as mentioned earlier, I volunteer with vulnerable families & teenagers and trying to get SS involvement is very difficult, so much is left to the volunteers - all trying to do their best but with very little knowledge or understanding.

diddl · 01/01/2020 09:38

Who else was she partying with & where?

That might give a clue as to whether or not there's a real possibility of her drink being spiked?

Had she already asked to go & been told no-is that why she snuck out?

I'd be really disappointed with her.

lovelyupnorth · 01/01/2020 09:39

@Shedidnt

I have a Overide running on my do not disturb on my mobile as I’m crew on a lifeboat. So the call comes through ringing loud regardless if phone on silent or Do not disturb.

CinderellasSecrets · 01/01/2020 09:41

I think DD needs a little support, lots of comments on here on how the OP has alot to deal with because of her husband's illness; and how wicked the 14 year is to 'take advantage' of that, not so many comments on how hard it must be for a 14 year old to deal with her dad's terminal illsness. Is it possible she's feeling lonely, overwhelmed, scared? Maybe this is a cry for help. She does need to have some consequences but I don't think coming down on her like a tonne of bricks will help anyone.

And as for the paramedic laughing, I tend to find that paramedics make light of most situations even very serious ones to try and put the patient at ease, if OPs daughter was worried about her mum's reaction then the paramedic may have been trying to show her that it wasn't as bad as she thought.

MintyMabel · 01/01/2020 09:45

He has a terminal illness and takes strong medication.

That’s one hell of a drip feed. Might have been worth mentioning in the OP, don’t you think?

Sounds like you need to make better arrangements for someone who can be there for your children in an emergency.

AlaskaElfForGin · 01/01/2020 09:46

I’m surprised that, as a parent, you dint have (or there isn’t) ANOTHER system in place so you can be contactable at night.

@CanIHaveADrink Well, at the moment, my DCs don't go out at night on their own. When they do, I'll have something in place. So you don't need to be 'surprised, as a parent'.

I have a particular alarm clock suitable for people with my type of hearing loss to wake me up in the morning.