Fucking had enough. Genuinely. Need a handhold.

[fuckinghadenoughnow]

I have NC because I don't want this linking to my profile.

I have had enough.

Life is miserable. Reasons are my shitty, disrespectful 5 year old who is getting worse right now.

My husband who is fed up in his job and wont/can't do anything about it.

My parents who are on the brink of having no food or money.

I genuinely don't know if I can take anymore. I feel like I am carrying everything right now.

My son is a strong boy, and stupidly, I back down. it'#s my own fault I know but I can't cope with him being upset. Last night he had asked could we put the decorations up. We did. And let him stay up a little later. He became a little shit when after 30 mins extra time he was told it was bedtime. Kicking off. Crying. Screaming. Saying we had spoiled his day. I did my best to stay calm and not lose my shit. eventually, after an HOUR he calmed and was in bed. My husband says to leave him to cry but for my own reasons (anxiety) I can't cope with it.

This morning we needed milk as the milk we had in had turned sour. He kicked off majorly because it meant he would have to pause his tablet for 5 mins whilst we went out. And yknow what... i almost contemplated thinking fuck it and leaving him home alone and going for milk.

We get to school and he plays football with a school owned football. It rolls across the playground and another child grabs it. This child did nothing wrong at all. He and my son have always had a fractious relationship. My son shouts at this kid saying he was playing with it. the other child gets upset and is hystercial beacuse my son shouted at him. I took the ball off my son and told him he needed to apologise. he refused point blank until he got into school. Then came out saying the other child ignored him.

My husband is down and pissed off with his job and the situation with our son but equally doesn't do anything about his work situastion and says to me he has no idea what to do about our son. I think he's as downtrodden as I am.

I genuinely feel like walking away from evrything. I can't do this much more. I feel sick every morning. And every evening when I am going home as to whether my son/husband has been good/had a good day.

I cannot do this anymore.

And you DS sounds very sweet tonight! Well done

So to reflect, my good bits were he held one of our hands all the way home and we talked about school.

I got to see him in his after school activity.

There's been no shouting. Theres been no tears.

Both of my boys are asleep. Ive got a fire video on the telly and my christmas tree is twinkling.

And i also followed the fake it til i make it motto. I sounded like demented mary Poppins im sure lol

The way you talk about your son is horrifying

Please reach out to your health visitor to be sign posted for help for both you and your DS

Great news OP, what a difference a day can make! Hopefully your DS can see what a happy family time you can have together when everyone’s getting on. Here’s wishing you many more times like this

I used to find writing down the good bits of each day helped. I can't remember the bad bits now (just the overall sense of what that time was like) but I remember the good bits that I wrote about :)

I also found this eye opening at the time.

www.huffpost.com/entry/study-postpartum-depression-lasts-longer-than-you-think_b_6538866

@BertieBotts I will give that article a read.

I am in a much brighter place right now than i was this morning.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply.. even the cutting replies. They all gave me some thinking material.

I'd not let him have the tablet back that day for any nonsense about coming off when asked. That's a standard rule in my house. If my 7year old did that it would be a week. If he kicked off about that it would be two. If had to do this rarely as they know I really mean it when I say something.
I know it's not nice when they are sad but yours has picked up on that you are bothered by the carrying on and will pacify him. So rewarding the bad behaviour. He will get worse if you don't crack down on him now. I have a nephew who is now 10 and thoroughly unpleasant to be around. When he was 5 id have described him as you have here. Now he is an outright bully with no respect for anyone. Every day his mum is called into the school. I fear he is only going to get worse. Don't let that happen to you. It sounds like you have a lot of stuff going on. But I'd start with the child's behaviour. And don't give your parents any money. Maybe food if they are going without but don't be giving cash. It will not help them in the long run.

Also - give yourself a time limit. If you don't feel that the behaviour has improved in six months or whenever, use that as a deadline to start looking for outside help whether it's parenting classes, assessment for developmental disorders, family therapy or whatever you need to do.

I wish I had done this earlier but I genuinely didn't realise my DS1's behaviour was out of the ordinary. I just thought it was me being shit. I actually think the delay in everything has damaged our relationship and it makes me sad to think of what we have lost. It's getting better because I'm working on it better now but I wish I had got on top of it earlier.

Hi again OP
Your clock idea is a good one - my other half sent it me as a lifehack but I haven't done it yet. IKEA do really cheap wallclocks for two quid here
www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/stomma-wall-clock-white-00374136/
and I have just this minute managed to get the plastic front of without damaging the clock. I just need to get my ruler and permanent pens now...although I might try washable board markers and see if it works. Then in theory I could wipe and reset in future.
Home bargains do multi coloured board markers for a fiver iirc.
offspring.lifehacker.com/make-bedtime-routines-easier-by-color-coding-a-clock-1802975343
I am such a nerd #smallwins

Glad you are feeling a bit better. All the people are on here berating you for language used in a vent/what should have been a safe space for you, can award themselves with a fat shiny medal ...am not telling you where I am sticking it
Take care OP . I think the thread has been useful for many and those of us who are not busy polishing our will find that sharing ideas is always helpful. I am going to look at some of the links provided too OP. It may often feel like it but you are not alone love. Feel free to PM me anytime or revive the thread as and when and I will respond to it. X

Something I found helpful with ex dss was to give a warning, so "in five minutes time, I'm going to ask you to put your shoes on", then do it in five minutes. It does help a bit. I'm not very keen on being dragged away from something I'm enjoying to suit someone else's timetable myself so I know how they must feel to have things sprung on them!

Keep up the good work OP - and do not panic when things slip back or do not go right - this will happen. But now you know you can turn it around.

I'm pleased that you asked for advice and then actually took it, and it seems to have worked. It sounds like praise is definitely the answer!

Well done OP. The more you ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good behaviour, the nicer he’ll be, I’m sure.

I'd get rid of the elf, to be honest. IMO it's too much for the kids to live up and causes anxiety all by itself.

I always remembered about was said by a friends about his son they are like dogs and need lots love and exercise. Walking running chasing balls. Change the pattens and the child will change too.

Morning all.

Im feeling the dread of the school run.

I have to get there for 8.30 due to parking and having to whizz straight off to school. He wants to go and play football when we get there which is fine but its with the kid from yesterday as well as others and i feel anxious incase he is reactive to thatnkid again.

Or do i just go in head held high and think its just kid stuff. NB he and this kid have a fractious history.

Really appreciate all the kind suggestions and encouragement

Every day is a new day. Just deal with what is in front of you and dont worry about anything else. Good luck.

Xx

Head high, look for the positives. If a problem does occur, ask for a chat with the teacher, saying that you would like to get him off to a good start to the day, what does s/he suggest re fractious friend?

But bear in mind that a bit of fractiousness is good for kids. It's how they learn to handle conflict. Some learn (or are taught) to avoid it. Others learn how to deal with it by being the strongest. Others learn the art of compromise. But they don't learn instantly. We often have to get things wrong, and be guided gently by someone wise, before we learn.

Good luck. Make your expectations clear. We are going to walk into school nicely today. I want a big hug before you go. When you see X, dont panic if he wants to play football too. Remember if there's a problem, I expect you to be kind. . . . We can talk about anything later.

How did the school run go? Hope he went off OK.

It is often wisest (but not always easy!) to keep out of the children's squabbles. Unless of course there is real bullying. Boisterous boys are a fiery combination.

There have been some really good things in the last 24 hours - hang on to them.

It went well thank you. Other boy ran up to my son and they played. Boys mum and i had a hug because we are in contact and i had said what a shit time i am having lately.

Actually looking forward to tonight.

Son had breakfast and got dtrssed with my help when asked and as a reward got 10 mins if tablet time on the proviso he turned it off when i asked.

I have said many times how we hes been behaving since school yesterday. And he did turn off when asked.

I again praised him massively.

I think this could be the way forward...

Truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for your comments and those still checking in.

I felt so lost, low and unable to see a way out yesterday.

OP I'm SO pleased you've had a positive evening and morning. Try and keep this momentum going now, but equally please please please don't beat yourself up if things take a little step backwards - we can't have a perfect day every day so it inevitably will happen. It's easier said than done, of course... Just remember to draw that line, gather yourself and remind yourself that you will get past it again, and just how good it feels when you do. It's the only way we can keep our sanity!

I’m so pleased you had a better day. I’ve been reading all the posts this morning and picked up on your comment about his after school activity. That does sound like a lot - some kids can cope with that level, others can’t. If you think tiredness might be the root of his morning issues then might be worth scaling that back.

I have a great friend who is mum to two very energetic boys, her answer to everything is to feed them. When they are grumpy or stroppy, feed them. It’s amazing how much an empty tank can affect kids moods.

There were always mums at my dd’s school gates who arrived with a big smile for their kids and then handed them a snack straight away! Fuel them up for the walk home.

Take care and here’s hoping for another better day for you.