Fucking had enough. Genuinely. Need a handhold.

[fuckinghadenoughnow]

I have NC because I don't want this linking to my profile.

I have had enough.

Life is miserable. Reasons are my shitty, disrespectful 5 year old who is getting worse right now.

My husband who is fed up in his job and wont/can't do anything about it.

My parents who are on the brink of having no food or money.

I genuinely don't know if I can take anymore. I feel like I am carrying everything right now.

My son is a strong boy, and stupidly, I back down. it'#s my own fault I know but I can't cope with him being upset. Last night he had asked could we put the decorations up. We did. And let him stay up a little later. He became a little shit when after 30 mins extra time he was told it was bedtime. Kicking off. Crying. Screaming. Saying we had spoiled his day. I did my best to stay calm and not lose my shit. eventually, after an HOUR he calmed and was in bed. My husband says to leave him to cry but for my own reasons (anxiety) I can't cope with it.

This morning we needed milk as the milk we had in had turned sour. He kicked off majorly because it meant he would have to pause his tablet for 5 mins whilst we went out. And yknow what... i almost contemplated thinking fuck it and leaving him home alone and going for milk.

We get to school and he plays football with a school owned football. It rolls across the playground and another child grabs it. This child did nothing wrong at all. He and my son have always had a fractious relationship. My son shouts at this kid saying he was playing with it. the other child gets upset and is hystercial beacuse my son shouted at him. I took the ball off my son and told him he needed to apologise. he refused point blank until he got into school. Then came out saying the other child ignored him.

My husband is down and pissed off with his job and the situation with our son but equally doesn't do anything about his work situastion and says to me he has no idea what to do about our son. I think he's as downtrodden as I am.

I genuinely feel like walking away from evrything. I can't do this much more. I feel sick every morning. And every evening when I am going home as to whether my son/husband has been good/had a good day.

I cannot do this anymore.

Well done for going to the GP. Often admitting you're struggling can lighten the mental load. Have you told DH how bad it is?

@ChipsAreLife I think he already knows and is feeling it himself. It just feels like we are enveloped in a load of shit and unhappiness whether at home or at work and each part is impacting on the other and we are also impacting on each other.

I suppose I also worry because it's me who has the MH and physical health issues. I feel I am always the one upset/sad/ill and so try to keep it to myself.

I hear no health issues, no cancer, no grief, no domestic abuse, no losing your house. I could go on and on. I could give you chapter and verse about it all but that's not what I am here about.

Op this won't help you in the very short term (like, today) but DD could be difficult when she was younger and my friend recommended Noel Janis Norton to me. She has a CD that I used to listen to, easier than ploughing through a book. She's a bit earnest for the British taste (says I, an American) but her methods really worked for me, and surprisingly quickly. DD is now 13 and I get none of the usual teenage indifference to me, she got through all that young. Google her maybe.

I've broken down at the doctors before, sometimes it's the best thing to do.

OP Well done, very proactive. You can only change things one step at a time.

Start with yourself and move outwards, and everything else should fall into place. Life is hard, it is not easy.

If you are sandwiched in misery, book a babysitter go out for dinner and level with dh. We can't carry on like this, what do we change first?

Waiting until you are utterly broken is the hardest time to ask for help. We have all felt burnt out at some time or another. Look after you, let the world take care of itself. You just have you and ds to think about. The minute anyone starts offloading, stop them there and say you have to go/make an excuse.

Self preservation op. Self preservation.

Double up on your contraception! Last thing you need right now.

I've rung the referall people she told me about...

@fuckinghadenoughnow I'm going to try and be as helpful as I can here without having been in your situation myself.

1. Your child is difficult, I would feel the same, all children are like this at some point. BUT, he isn't technically a little shit, he is a young child at a difficult age that can sense the home tension and needs more structure/routine. He goes to bed at a set time, set routine every single day. Tantrum or not. If he kicks of and screams, carry him up to bed, don't say a word to him, put him in his bed, say good night and leave. If he gets up, put him back, say good night again and leave. Repeat repeat repeat until he stops. Do not give in or give attention to tantrums. Be firm and strong and keep repeating until he realises he is getting nowhere. Also implement the naughty step where you can. Ever remember super nanny? She was ace, look up some of her teachings, I think you may find them beneficial. Please try and keep your own emotions aside and DO NOT GIVE UP.

1. Your DH needs to sort his life out too - being miserable and doing nothing about isn't going to change a thing. In fact, it will make it worse. Sit down with him, talk about options, support him though a job change. Talk about what makes him happy and what makes him sad. This is very easily changed.

1. Your own happiness. I think mastering the above 2 will make a huge difference in your life. I think maybe going to speak to a doctor about your feelings may help. You may have depression, you may not. You may just be struggling in life as we all do. If you do have depression (I have been there with mid depression and anxiety) and I am by NO MEANS saying this is a solution or the right thing, antidepressant CAN work wonders. They may help you get a control of yourself and therefore a better control of family life, a clear head. But please, take this advice from your doctor.

1. You parents - sounds like they aren't helping themselves at all here. And this is not your problem. Don't make someones poor financial choices your burden. They are adults. If they are choosing to spend the little money they have on stupid things like that I have no sympathy. Had they been genuinely struggling and spending wisely, my advice here would differ. Sit down, have a chat with your parents and tell them this.

Good luck

Something I did when my children were young and which worked was at bedtime, when they had done that thing AGAIN, was to pretend I'd forgotten. It wasn't tablets then, but imagine this: "Do you know, I was SO pleased with you this morning, because when I asked you to put away your tablet, you did it straight away. In fact I'm so happy with you I'm going to phone Nanny and Grandad/ Uncle John/ Father Christmas and tell them what a lovely boy you've been". Substitute anything that is apt. Children love to be praised, and sometimes it's very difficult to get out of a negative cycle. He's unlikely to correct you about his behaviour, but if he does, just say "Silly Mummy, you're right, but I remember it happening, maybe it was last Tuesday? I'm still going to phone because you made me so happy"
As for the rest, give your husband and parents their problems to worry about. You have your own. If necessary, just say "I don't want to hear about it". Pick your fights with your child, but if you say no, then mean it, and remember to praise when he does something good. Give yourself a break, none of this is easy.

Oh OP - I empathise with everything you say. I can totally relate.
My DC is almost 7, and honestly from age 5 to very recently life has been pretty hellish, DC's behaviour has been so awful. I looked back at the baby and toddler days as a dream compared to dealing with a strong-willed, contrary, tantrumy 5/6 yo. It has been so unpleasant, and I often miss my life before becoming a parent. DC's dad was feeling the same - constant dread, just hating life really, there was nothing good in it.

I googled the situation and bookmarked good advice articles, made lists of things to try.
We have had some success with reward charts, a list of morning routines and evening routines, and if we have a good morning she gets 20p in her piggybank, ditto for evening. We also found success with more boundaries (they are very difficult to implement and keep to, but you need to be strong and know that you are the parent and DC is the child, and you're the one in charge! Please remember that OP). I try very hard not to shout, remain calm, and I offer many hugs when things get fraught. DC's dad and I try to enjoy things even if DC is not.

See if there's anything you can do in your life as a whole to simplify and reduce stresses. Eg Maybe buy milk in tetra-packs and store a few spares, so you are less likely to run out!

Anyway I hope things get better OP - don't worry if it takes some time. Try different strategies, hopefully you'll find some that work. If nothing works, seek outside help - eg parenting courses. Children go through these stages of development, and 5/6 definitely seems like a particularly challenging one. You are definitely NOT ALONE! Good luck OP x

You are having a hard time, both you and your 5 year old. I call it End of Term burn out. Consider what he's been going through since September, the whole class are overexcited about Christmas, learning to sit still and behave and work all day at that age takes a lot of getting used to and I think its normal for all the tiredness and frustrations to burst out when they come out of school and who gets the brunt of it.. the person they love and trust - mum.
He could also be "Hangry", Mine were starving when they came out of school at that age and needed a small sandwich/drink to make the journey home or they would cry etc. They also needed to collapse and veg out a bit more than usual, and I found once I'd got the hang of that they were much more manageable. Early bed, not as a punishment but as a chance to cuddle up and listen to audio books if you are tired out, also worked.
@Mishappening and @Considermesometimes had some great advice.
Also if your son is challenging, he's probably also been in front of the same teacher all day, who has been telling him off all day long and the teacher probably has end of term burn out too! .
I'd ease up on the punishments people just love to suggest and instead start looking at and commenting on the positive things he's been doing, Pick him up from school and take him out for a treat - a milkshake or something and give him a chance to talk about what's going on with him. He will have your full on attention and its always easier being outside with very active children. Can you have a frosty walk in nearby park or go to see some houses with big christmas lights nearby. Anything out of the routine which will surprise him out of his uppertyness. Get a few days worth of ready meals so that you can have a bit of a break from the endless cooking, what ever makes your life a bit easier for the next few days.
Be very kind to yourself and let others worry about their own problems. Best of luck

Wow well done op, you have been more responsive to yourself today than I've managed in months!

@Simkin Sorry I don't understand what you mean x

I mean going to the doctor, talking to the HV, and calling the referral people. All tricky to do when feeling crap.

I think she means that you have done something she hasn't been able to do (ask for help), despite being in a similar position herself.

Sed love the drowning analogy too, very wise advice.

Sorry... i couldnt make sense of it.

I really want to go home. My husband finishes at 2 and we can have a chat then go and get son together...

Hi there, FHEN,
We are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these sorts of threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

This is just a standard message that we post, so please don't worry if it doesn't apply to you, FHEN. Well done for making progress today, kindest thoughts.

Life can feel, and be, really tough at times!

You need to focus on the two things which are your responsibility- yourself and your son.

Parenting isn't easy, and we all make mistakes at times. I've loads of parenting experience of pretty challenging children. If you'd like an advice thread, set one up on OTBT and invite people to it. It will stay quiet and people won't jump on with random opinions, you'll be able to keep a supportive chat going.

Look after yourself- take time to have some space on your own, relax, do whatever it is you need.

Def have a chat with your husband but you into it with some solutions. I.e you're looking into parenting classes, you need him to be aware of how his mood affects the house and would like him to either get a new job or accept the current one is shite.

It's easy to lose sight of yourself and your relationship when you're married. DH and I had this recently, we had a big chat and realised we just needed to respect each other more and communicate better. We have done and are so much happier.

Life is sometimes very challenging and it's ok to feel overwhelmed but just make sure you get help

Dear OP, I'm sending you some love. Please ignore those who are criticising you. You have every right to get it off your chest, and you should feel safe doing that among friends.

Some good advice on this thread. Who not jot down all the helpful ideas? Then you can make a list of what's possible for you right now, and follow up some of the others later.

Best of luck. I hope you can use some of the ideas given here, and find them helpful.

it's not too late to change things with your kid. You need to put boundaries in place. No tablet in the morning or at the table EVER. Do not enter into a discussion with him. You are the parents you made the rules as far as this is concerned.

As for the rest you are due a break, even if it's only for a few hours. Just you. I like walking personally. Help me puts things in perspective.

Heading home soon. Managed to square it with a fellow boss.

My boss won't look kindly on it but hey ho...