Fucking had enough. Genuinely. Need a handhold.

[fuckinghadenoughnow]

I have NC because I don't want this linking to my profile.

I have had enough.

Life is miserable. Reasons are my shitty, disrespectful 5 year old who is getting worse right now.

My husband who is fed up in his job and wont/can't do anything about it.

My parents who are on the brink of having no food or money.

I genuinely don't know if I can take anymore. I feel like I am carrying everything right now.

My son is a strong boy, and stupidly, I back down. it'#s my own fault I know but I can't cope with him being upset. Last night he had asked could we put the decorations up. We did. And let him stay up a little later. He became a little shit when after 30 mins extra time he was told it was bedtime. Kicking off. Crying. Screaming. Saying we had spoiled his day. I did my best to stay calm and not lose my shit. eventually, after an HOUR he calmed and was in bed. My husband says to leave him to cry but for my own reasons (anxiety) I can't cope with it.

This morning we needed milk as the milk we had in had turned sour. He kicked off majorly because it meant he would have to pause his tablet for 5 mins whilst we went out. And yknow what... i almost contemplated thinking fuck it and leaving him home alone and going for milk.

We get to school and he plays football with a school owned football. It rolls across the playground and another child grabs it. This child did nothing wrong at all. He and my son have always had a fractious relationship. My son shouts at this kid saying he was playing with it. the other child gets upset and is hystercial beacuse my son shouted at him. I took the ball off my son and told him he needed to apologise. he refused point blank until he got into school. Then came out saying the other child ignored him.

My husband is down and pissed off with his job and the situation with our son but equally doesn't do anything about his work situastion and says to me he has no idea what to do about our son. I think he's as downtrodden as I am.

I genuinely feel like walking away from evrything. I can't do this much more. I feel sick every morning. And every evening when I am going home as to whether my son/husband has been good/had a good day.

I cannot do this anymore.

@Blindspot82 I dont doubt that i still have it. I have severe anxiety where my son is concerned. Hes been on my mind ALL day. Yet in equal measures if i didnt see him tonight it wiuldnt bother me. And infact whilst id enjoy the peace id miss him.

I dont have the bond with him i should in some ways. Id throw myself in front of him in an instant but sometimes i also wish he'd just go away

@Sssneks thats really helpful. I hadnt thought of that.

We currently have an elf countdown which has happy or sad stickers. I really want to put a sad one for today to show him its not good enough. But then i think hes been at school all day and that was this morning.. should i let it go?

I would definitely let it go. You are all having such a hard time, and you're right he's too young to be judged at bedtime for something that happened in the morning, consequences need to be immediate. Maybe use the Elf in a positive way - remind him of something good he did today (even if it's something very ordinary, like walking home nicely) and give him his sticker.

This is one place where Supernanny goes against the child-psych experts - the experts say kids can earn tokens or ticks on a chart or stickers for good behaviour, or they can not earn them, but bad behaviour should be dealt with on the spot and then move on and not stuck on a chart.

Your activity clock is a great idea too!

Another idea is to keep the response very immediate. Thinking about what you were saying upthread "shall I let it go?" (I assume you mean his bad behaviour this morning) then yes at this stage I think you should. I know you have been feeling really annoyed about it all day (and who wouldn't?) but he has moved on - and his 5 year old brain is now in another zone completely. Best not to bring it up I think. Leap in with something positive if you can manage that!! Good luck.

I used to work with young families and sometimes, when someone was really struggling, I used to suggest that they work out how much parenting they can do without going nuts and pay someone else to do the rest! - without guilt! I am guessing that night not be an option financially for you; but the principle that you can allow yourself to feel able to admit to how much you can manage is OK.

I was also involved in setting up a branch of Home Start and I can only endorse how helpful they can be. They are wonderful.

It is OK to say you cannot cope - we have all been there - do not believe anyone who tells you otherwise! I am just about to pop off to school and pick up my own little shit - or in this case a grandshit!! They really can be so demanding. Take care. Hand holds abound here.

I liked the advice from @LOALM. I think you've made several steps forward today into helping yourself sort this out. I also think drawing up a whole set of rules and consequences to enforce when you and your son are both tired out is going to be very difficult for both of you.
Keep it simple, just get the essentials done today keep everyone's stress levels down, some quiet time, an early tea, a nice bath will help. If there are rules you want to introduce, maybe that's something to do gradually, one at a time, so it sinks in...If you can just get him to do one simple thing like hanging up his coat regularly, thats a win, then the next thing. One of the things I did wrong was expecting him to get his own things ready for school, ie to find his book bag in the morning. Then realised he had to have his own "peg" at home. labelled areas where he put his stuff and we had to do it together - he's still learning. Having every single item top to toe prepared and ready for the morning made a huge difference to morning behaviour. Also getting up 10 mins earlier and aiming to leave 5 mins earlier made it all more relaxed and less of a panic stations.
It sounds like mid week is his high activity time. He needs his activity but is probably tired and hungry so make sure there's water and a snack before he embarks and if he's looking really cranky and worn out, maybe skip the session? You have already put a lot of thought into this and I hope things get better for you soon

OP I am sorry I have not rtft but it seems you have a DH problem so I would agree some action goals with him for him to achieve and report back to you for e.g. applying for one job every three days. This is not you being his 'boss' but supporting him from being engulfed by his own sadness and into taking action.

Regarding your DS I believe he is picking up on yours and your husband's anxieties. He may have also inherited some of these traits from you too - and his way of dealing with these intense feelings is having a tantrum as he cannot explain fully what is going (just like a lot of adults with anxiety). On top of that he is 5, you are his main guide in life and his role model. Engage with him by asking him what he wants to do to help the family, and how he can co-operate with his family. But remember he is going through a massive developmental transition and this is a time when he is being asked by school to grow up very quickly (too quickly).

First thing though is to look after yourself, some of your comments suggest that your anxiety isn't helped by your need to take control. What you have written about your DS seems just normal behaviour to me but you have interpreted it as extreme. It is impossible to fully control your parent's behaviour so you need to have boundaries to protect yourself.

Finally, how much sleep are you getting?

Hi OP, I'm so sorry you're struggling. I had some similar feelings over the years with my 3. I used to listen to Save Me by Aimee Mann & have a glass of wine while trying to make dinner and mediate squabbles.

Lots of good suggestions here so won't repeat, but I did find it helpful to find a positive way to end the day. I felt better shutting the bedroom door calmly. We used to do a visualization story at bedtime. I'd use it as a hook - if everyone has their teeth done and pj's on by x time, we'll be able to do a visualization. No matter how hard the day, they rushed to get to bed. Once sitting in a dimly lit room and reading quietly, watching their faces, eyes closed, we all felt peaceful (and it usually put them to sleep). I used books by Maureen Garth but there are lots out there.

I was referred to do the PPP parenting course as a required step before getting my dc investigated for ADHD. It didn't change the ADHD behaviours (and my dc now has a diagnosis), but I still thought it was really useful. It would have helped me deal with all sorts of situations in a more consistent way, for both him and his non-ADHD siblings, if I'd done it earlier.

We did it online (paid £72 but I think you can possibly get a referral code from some agencies so you don't have to pay) which was good as I would have felt really stressed by the idea of going to an actual group. It's a mixture of videos and things to read and questions to answer and didn't just look at children's behaviour but also at mine and dh's own needs as parents. I'd definitely recommend it.

www.triplep-parenting.uk.net/uk-en/find-help/triple-p-online/toddlers-to-tweens/

OP I would 100% move on from any incidents this morning, it'll just confuse him if he's had 7 hours away and he's still being told off. Try, if you can, to consciously draw a line under the recent bad spell of behaviour, and give him opportunities to receive praise as often as you can. Even tiny things matter when things are bad like this, to both of your attitudes. I'm glad you're taking some advice on board and seeking help - that just proves that you want this to get better, which is the first step.

Lots of good advice here. Keep your reactions to his bad behaviour short and immediate. Find things to praise him for behaviour-wise, even if they are really little things. Remind him of them at other times "Remember when you did x, y or z yesterday? That was really good!" etc. This will help make him see himself as a 'good boy' and want to live up to that. Try and remember that how he sees the world isn't how you see it. You see the big picture and worry about the future. He's in the moment and just acts based on impulses because he's 5. It takes a LOT of reminders and practice for him to learn good behaviours. Carrot is better than stick.

I teach little kids now, after years of only teaching teenagers. Getting your head around how to manage them isn't easy. Adults can remember what it was like in our own teenage heads, but not really what it was like in our heads when we were 5!

Off to collect him... hope it goes well.

It went well. Lots of praise for holding our hands and walking well.

He immediately asked for sweets on getting in. I said no and tucked him and husband up on the sofa with a tub of grapes.

Happy pick up

Have you read 1,2,3 magic.

Sorry posted before I finished.

If you haven't read 1,2,3 magic you should.

My own ds is 6 in jan and has challenging behaviour (he does have an autism diagnosis) I've bought loads of books and find this one the best.

Also 'the explosive child'

You can pick them up second hand on eBay.

What's his diet like @fuckinghadenoughnow how is his sleep?

He sleeps ok. 7-7 generally. Unusual to have wake ups

He eats most things but ill admit i do chuck a bag of crisps at him instead of fruit more often than not.

Pasta carrots and grated cheese for tea at his request

OP have you got the chance to maybe do a parenting course? online even. I was struggling to cope with my todds and it helped me greatly.
I'm sorry but your parents need to know how to budget. There are so many other peoples issues ou can carry without it impacting on your own.

Aw... glad to hear hometime went well. When my DS was challenging I used to make a big effort to hold on to the good bits of each day, to remember that there usually were one or two good bits, and try to let the bad bits go. This was not easy, some of the bad bits were pretty dire! But worthwhile.

You sound like a really great Mum. You are making such an effort for your DS and trying to make things right and happy for him

‘How to Listen so Kids Talk and Talk so Kids Listen’ is a great book. I mentioned it to a paediatrician mum I know, and she liked it so much she now recommends it to parents at her clinic.

Thanks for the suggestion @MetroMe I'll give anything a try!

Glad you had a peaceful pick up. Hope you get a quiet night!

Well done

Such good news that school pick-up was peaceful and positive - you are a very quick learner! - well done! - pat on the back! Give yourself the credit for making this happen - you certainly deserve it.

More of an update i guess. Son had his tea and husband and i took.him to his afterschool club. Weve all had a brilliant evening. Praised DS lots. We played. He knew when the phone alarm went off it was bedtime.

And ok, he asked for toast when he had already had supper but hey.. we sat with him eating it in his bed and us talking about his upcoming nativity. As soon as he was finished, plate down, teeth brushed and fast asleep x

Such good news that school pick-up was peaceful and positive - you are a very quick learner! - well done! - pat on the back! smile Give yourself the credit for making this happen - you certainly deserve it.

I agree! You sound much happier since pickup. Small steps OP