Fucking had enough. Genuinely. Need a handhold.

[fuckinghadenoughnow]

I have NC because I don't want this linking to my profile.

I have had enough.

Life is miserable. Reasons are my shitty, disrespectful 5 year old who is getting worse right now.

My husband who is fed up in his job and wont/can't do anything about it.

My parents who are on the brink of having no food or money.

I genuinely don't know if I can take anymore. I feel like I am carrying everything right now.

My son is a strong boy, and stupidly, I back down. it'#s my own fault I know but I can't cope with him being upset. Last night he had asked could we put the decorations up. We did. And let him stay up a little later. He became a little shit when after 30 mins extra time he was told it was bedtime. Kicking off. Crying. Screaming. Saying we had spoiled his day. I did my best to stay calm and not lose my shit. eventually, after an HOUR he calmed and was in bed. My husband says to leave him to cry but for my own reasons (anxiety) I can't cope with it.

This morning we needed milk as the milk we had in had turned sour. He kicked off majorly because it meant he would have to pause his tablet for 5 mins whilst we went out. And yknow what... i almost contemplated thinking fuck it and leaving him home alone and going for milk.

We get to school and he plays football with a school owned football. It rolls across the playground and another child grabs it. This child did nothing wrong at all. He and my son have always had a fractious relationship. My son shouts at this kid saying he was playing with it. the other child gets upset and is hystercial beacuse my son shouted at him. I took the ball off my son and told him he needed to apologise. he refused point blank until he got into school. Then came out saying the other child ignored him.

My husband is down and pissed off with his job and the situation with our son but equally doesn't do anything about his work situastion and says to me he has no idea what to do about our son. I think he's as downtrodden as I am.

I genuinely feel like walking away from evrything. I can't do this much more. I feel sick every morning. And every evening when I am going home as to whether my son/husband has been good/had a good day.

I cannot do this anymore.

Aw shucks Schady and Stray Thank you for the boost.
I had seen lockable safes which could be time set but cost the earth and thought ''I reckon I can do that but cheaper'' - A kitcher timer and Tesco box saved an awful lot but calling it ''pokey'' was the charm. Not sure why. For some reason my son doesn't like the idea of his kindle having to do jail time
we name many of our inanimate objects. It's not like Beauty and the Beast, oh no

The swimming came about because my son hates showering but loves swimming, my water pressure and temperature is poor where I am so lovely hot showers pre and post swim twice a week was an easy fix...the initial outlay for three leisure passes has paid off already (you get swimming, trampolining and soft play) and means my water and heating usage will be slightly lower.
I am not overtly fond of human soup but we all feel better afterwards. As Schady says, it does wonders for your own health - it's forcing yourself out in the cold that's the hard part but as I have prepaid the passes that's a good inducement.

You also need something that's yours. With me it's my Strictly obsession that gets me through the Winter then Dancing on Ice.

My final tip OP is one I am not best proud of but works for me - you know the phrase ''Dance like no-one is watching''? Well, with me it's the opposite: ''Parent like someone is watching'' - Performance parent to yourself and for yourself, pretend Supernanny is judging the fuck out of you, fake it til you make it...It sounds very sing-song voice bordering on mild hysteria it is but if you start with you and you are the role model - kids at that age are to a point still elastic and they can do their modelling from you. Once I have bundled both to school then I can swear like a trucker and scream in my car have done both

Don't get me wrong. I epicly fail a lot of the time but employ ''good enough'' as a mantra. Same as ''new day, new start'' and above all, if it is exhausting for you as a mum then it may well be exhausting for your son being him (my son is neurodiverse and I remind myself of that all the time as it keeps me calm and more patient - it must be exhausting being my son when, as he puts it, his brain goes ''fuzzy'' or he is stressed out).

Just keep swimming OP/the trick is to keep breathing/insert your own bollocks here

You know you've been reading too many mantras, life coachy, positive thinking, blue skies postcard sentiment when Pinterest start recommending wanky pins to you

Hey OP, my lovely five year old is like this recently. Exhaustion, winter bugs and festive excitement are to blame.

Remove tablet completely while he is at school. Decide whether to re introduce in New Year. Good food, exercise and early nights and a calmer time all round will help you as well as him.

Go easy on yourself. 5 is hard for both of you. You need to be consistent with him. Never give in. He needs to know he’s safe in your boundaries.

Be nice to yourself. Parenting is really hard.
Go to the GP also.

^ Gruffalo said it much better ^

Sending you a HH

You have some great advice here, the best is definitely braking in down to what you can and can't influence.

Your parents - leave them to it. They would be crazy to buy a fire when the may end up with money problems. Leave them to it

Your son - I know it's the hardest thing but remember you are the adult and try to remain calm. Praise the good behaviour, set clear boundaries and mean what you say. Ie of bedtime is in 10 mins remind him in advance & he goes to bed on time. If he's naughty he doesn't get read a story and goes to bed earlier. No screen time if he's naughty etc.

DH - have a chat with him about how you are both feeling & how you best support each other. Tell him you find the complaining frustrating, most people lose motivation at this time of year. Can he stop complaining or can he take some actions ie update his CV and begin actively looking. Or speak to his manager about development.

You - can you do some self care? Pick what will work for you, be that going to bed earlier, having a few hours away with friends or to yourself. Do some mindfulness and consider visiting your GP

I do think you need to see your GP and be honest about how you are feeling. I suspect you have depression, and there is honestly no shame in taking some anti-depressants if they are recommended. They may be able to offer some free talking therapy too. Once you have taken care of yourself, you may well be able to try some of the other suggestions on this thread. Best of luck OP.

@SeditionSue, then i suspect you are drowing the way he OP is.
Serioulsy, when you are reaching that point, what you need is LESS things to do. Not to bemade to feel inadequate or to be told SHE has to do the parenting classes (and surprinsignly or not? not a word about her dh stepping up and taking some load off her shoulders) and I assume she also has to be the one implementing them.....

@GruffaIoCrumble you are a legend. I'm welling up thinking of supernanny judging me, in a good way though because I so desperately want to be a better parent myself and imagining supernanny encouraging me is exactly what I need!!

OP I'm sorry you've been given such a hard time by some pp, I totally get it. You're totally exhausted and feel like you have zero support or downtime.

The tablet thing I totally understand, it buys 30 mins peace but it's a devil's bargain because the behaviour is even worse afterwards.

Lots of good advice here, ignore the haters. You can do this

Oh come on OP

I mean it isn’t ideal, but really - “walk out”. Seriously.

1 child. Parents we org money issues and a lazy husband.

I hear no health issues, no cancer, no grief, no domestic abuse, no losing your house. I could go on and on.

Life can be hard and this is a hard time for you. Stop with the hyperbole.

I've just been reading all the replies and I appreciate all the helpful ones.

I have no energy to retort back to the unhelpful comments.

I have been and seen my lovely GP. She has suggested the local health visitor/one access type team for some help.

I would love to take some time off but i had a month off in the summer due to health issues and had HR breathing down my neck.

Stop carrying everything - your parents are adults they make their own choices. You do not have to give them financial support.

The biggest problem I think here is you cannot cope with him being upset but actually that is causing all of this to happen. Given consistent boundaries is a vital part of being able to manage emotions as is dealing with being told no or made to do something. By all means pick your battles but either say yes or say no and mean it - that is why people are recommending parental classes. Your anxiety here isnt letting him regulate his own emotions. Yes saying can lead to the mother of all tantrums but tantrums are there to let children sort through it. They should recede

I think first of some support in sorting out your anxiety regarding your son and saying no - because you need to

And just to note, I don't see the suggestion of parenting classes as a criticism. I just wish we had done it sooner

OP the local health and access team is great for your son but please access more support regarding your anxiety and not being able to see him upset. As harsh as it sounds letting him work through these emotions himself is necessary

Handhold and a huge hug OP. What a horrible time you're having, you poor thing! So much sympathy. Little kids are like sharks, they can smell it when you don't have the energy and they circle and escalate and circle and escalate.. Ugh!

I've noticed my 6 year old's behaviour takes a SHARP decline whenever he's been on the tablet. So I'd suggest reducing that time or taking it away completely if you think you can manage that. Second the reward charts only I'd put the rewards at a higher number of stickers than five.

You can do this, your DH will have to step up and you need some support. So glad your doctor has been supportive! Hoping the health team can help you. You are not a shit mother, you're not failing.

You seem to be relating to your little boy as though he is an adult.

He is not and adult, he is a child and he is kicking off because he needs your calm, firm, implacable boundaries.

So you say no and he kicks off screaming and yelling. So? You calmly stand by your decisions.

He flings himself to the ground. So? You stay calm and wait for him.
He tells you you are horrible and he hates you. So? You calmly tell him you love him and you can see he is cross, but you will still be there when he is not cross.
He kicks you and punches you. So? How hard can a powerless little person kick and punch? You stay calm and say what a cross little boy you are but I am still here.

Note in all this, the answer has remained No. All he is doing is expressing frustration whilst he processes his disappointment. That's all it is.

I am not quite sure why you have to back down, OP. What is so frightening about a powerless (actually quite frightened) little boy?

He needs your firm rules so his little world becomes safe. Please stop letting him down because, putting 'feel anxious' first. His emotional safety comes first, come on.

How much time does he get on his tablet?

I have found that my dcs really need to restricted on their use otherwise their behaviour is truly vile.

It sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate. 💐

But why are you feeling responsible for your parents?

Maybe you'd get a handhold if you didn't describe a child as shitty

I expect he'd be better if he had a parent who had more respect for him than you clearly do - you say he's disrespectful, I wonder who he learnt that from

Your parents have survived their financial illiteracy so far, they do not need bailing out.

Consequences are the best teacher. Stop giving them money or worrying about them.

Sorry about your husbands job. When he starts, leave the room. Go to the bathroom, fetch something from another room, say, 'I am just getting some water' or any neutral way of removing yourself (this is a genuine technique). he will stop moaning when he hasn't got an audience any more.

OP, you’ve burnt out. You need to concentrate on you, and your son in that order.

Ignore your parents. They’re adults.
Tell your husband to suck it up and stop laying his misery on you. You cannot take it at the moment.

Find out about parenting classes. Honestly, your DS sounds like a normal 5 yr old little boy. But you’re reacting badly to him because you’re at the end of your tether.

Natural consequences, rather than punishments work best in my experience. Ie he has a tantrum about pausing his tablet when you needed to go out, so unfortunately he can’t have his tablet before school.

He kicked off about going to bed, so unfortunately he can’t stay up late for further treats in the week.

You don’t need to shout or have an argument. You don’t need to “back down” as you call it, as there isn’t a 2 sided discussion. You are the parent, and you are explaining to your son what the natural consequences of his behaviour are.

Good behaviour also has natural consequences. Ie he goes to bed nicely, so he can stay up for decorating etc another evening. He switches off his tablet when asked, therefore he can be trusted to have his tablet at appropriate times.

It’s not easy, but your son is the most important person for you to look after. Not your husband, not your parents. Look after yourself and your son. If in the future you have some space and the strength for thinking about your husband/parents/others then feel free.

Until then, you and your son.

I'm sorry you feel so low and you're facing these problems. It made me very sad to hear you describe your son that way. He's only 5!! Clearly he was overtired and that's why he kicked off at bedtime. It doesn't make him a horrible person. My son is 6 and kicks off over something every day, often more than once a day. I've noticed it happens more when he's tired and/or hungry. I make big efforts to keep his blood sugar stable and get him to bed early and it helps a lot. I'd never think he was "shitty" because he can't cope with his emotions. You're the parent. You need to set boundaries, decide what battles you want to fight and which ones don't matter so much. I stand firm with my son even though I know it'll lead to 30 minutes of him having a meltdown, throwing things on the floor etc. If you give in it just makes things worse. If you're stressed and unhappy this will also affect your son's behaviour. I always notice my son is naughty when I'm stressed or feeling low. If I'm happy and positive his behaviour is much improved. Please think about all these factors that could affect how your son behaves.

5yo's are not shitty and disrespectful Jesus Christ

😂😂😂 I’ve not even had a 5yo myself yet- just looked after my fair share and they can definitely feel very shitty and disrespectful. Yes it’s a ‘stage’ and yes they deserve understanding and patience ... but you can’t expect parents not to be people.

Kids can be huge assholes - let’s be honest 😂

for you op, you've got it hard just now and the first 2 posters should be ashamed of themselves for kicking you when you're already down.
5 is a bloody hard age. Stop being so hard on yourself and accept your doing your best.

5 year old can be total little shits

I hear no health issues, no cancer, no grief, no domestic abuse, no losing your house. I could go on and on.

Don't though, it's not helpful.

I would love to go home this evening and have a nice night. No tantrums, no kick offs, no shouting.

I broke down in the doctors and she even gave me a hug.