Fucking had enough. Genuinely. Need a handhold.

[fuckinghadenoughnow]

I have NC because I don't want this linking to my profile.

I have had enough.

Life is miserable. Reasons are my shitty, disrespectful 5 year old who is getting worse right now.

My husband who is fed up in his job and wont/can't do anything about it.

My parents who are on the brink of having no food or money.

I genuinely don't know if I can take anymore. I feel like I am carrying everything right now.

My son is a strong boy, and stupidly, I back down. it'#s my own fault I know but I can't cope with him being upset. Last night he had asked could we put the decorations up. We did. And let him stay up a little later. He became a little shit when after 30 mins extra time he was told it was bedtime. Kicking off. Crying. Screaming. Saying we had spoiled his day. I did my best to stay calm and not lose my shit. eventually, after an HOUR he calmed and was in bed. My husband says to leave him to cry but for my own reasons (anxiety) I can't cope with it.

This morning we needed milk as the milk we had in had turned sour. He kicked off majorly because it meant he would have to pause his tablet for 5 mins whilst we went out. And yknow what... i almost contemplated thinking fuck it and leaving him home alone and going for milk.

We get to school and he plays football with a school owned football. It rolls across the playground and another child grabs it. This child did nothing wrong at all. He and my son have always had a fractious relationship. My son shouts at this kid saying he was playing with it. the other child gets upset and is hystercial beacuse my son shouted at him. I took the ball off my son and told him he needed to apologise. he refused point blank until he got into school. Then came out saying the other child ignored him.

My husband is down and pissed off with his job and the situation with our son but equally doesn't do anything about his work situastion and says to me he has no idea what to do about our son. I think he's as downtrodden as I am.

I genuinely feel like walking away from evrything. I can't do this much more. I feel sick every morning. And every evening when I am going home as to whether my son/husband has been good/had a good day.

I cannot do this anymore.

I have a 5 year old and the best thing I've done for myself and him is when hes being "challenging" I remind myself that hes a small child and hes developing,it gives me more patience .We look at the world as an adult with adult reasoning and maturity,5 year olds dont! I really have to try hard not to lose my shit sometimes dont get me wrong but I found this helped me stay calmer.

It sounds like everything has got on top of you at the moment- I had this only 2 weeks ago myself, so not exactly sure I’m qualified to help but here’s what could be an idea?
Can you take a day or two off from work, to regroup your thinking/plan of action on your own in peace and quiet? You are totally overloaded with a few problems which can be tackled but you are so mentally drained all of them feel enormous.
Your son is just being a typical 5 yr old, too old to be treated as a baby but not old enough to run with the big kids, this is the age where they don’t understand this , they test boundaries often.Consistency is key here, regular bedtimes, plenty of sleep, boundaries for bad behaviour.
If you can , you need to sit with your DH and chat over all of this , your feelings about him and his job, you two, your son. Sometimes it’s not the right time for someone to change or apply for jobs etc but they need to make the job they have more bearable , or their home life around it.
Your parents happiness/misfortune weighs on your mind heavily ( my df is heavy influence in my world too) but he is also the master of his fate and he creates problems, which is what it sounds like with your parents.You cannot solve this issue for them, can you pull back , lessen the contact of hearing their woes, also tell them you are struggling atm yourself so could do without hearing their woes? I’ve had to do this recently,

I think my main message is pull back, get yourself some thinking space for planning /tackling.

Tiny things ...

Try to always have some milk in the freezer! Even with the best planning milk in the fridge sometimes does go off unexpectedly overnight. You can defrost enough frozen milk for coffee/cereal within minutes by submerging the carton in hot water, or microwaving.

Don’t allow your five year old a tablet in the morning - or at any other time when stopping is likely to cause a strop.

When you take him to school deliver him to the gate then step away. Even if you wait close by, don’t get involved. The whole point of school at five is for children to learn how to get along with others.

Have you tried reward charts with DS?.
A sticker/star for say, going to bed nicely, not screaming, talking nicely, doing as he's told. If he gets 5 stars or whatever, he gets a treat - a bit of Lego or small toy. Really praise the small things and let him see your proud of the way he has behaved when he's good.
If you suffer with anxiety everything feels overwhelming and you tend to think the worst of everything. So in your head you're saying 'he's going to be naughty etc' and he'll pick up on your negativity and conform to how you expect him to behave iyswim.
I had a very strong willed DD at that age (even now at 15 too!). The reward charts really worked cos she really wanted to please me and get her stars and treat. I know they don't work for everyone but it's worth a try.
I hope things improve for you.

I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. Mums so often carry the burden of the whole family. Have a look at the charity HomeStart www.home-start.org.uk/ they provide practical support for young families.

Sounds like you need someone to swoop in and give you some support. HomeStart might be just that for you.

If you’re crying and overwhelmed at work, that’s no good, if you afford to, go home sick. Have a cuppa, watch This morning and have a good cry.

Tackle one thing at a time. Start with your son's behaviour.

Once you have got him to bed, you and your OH need to sit down and make some joint decisions about how you are going to handle him and help him to learn acceptable behaviour - babies are not born knowing this! (and parents are not born knowing how to deal with it!) Do not both sound off about how grim he is, but start by writing down the things about him that are lovable. Think of bad scenarios and ask yourselves how you might find a way of dealing with them that at least has a hint of positive in it positive.

It is critically important that both you and your OH take exactly the same approach to him, so he knows there are no cracks he can wriggle through.

It is possible to get into a cycle where everyone is feeling desperate and it just perpetuates itself.

1. Stay calm when he is kicking off.
2. Do not always give in to his wants as he will learn from you that kicking off gets him what he wants - so he will do it all the more. (I am sure you know this!)
3. Distraction - e.g. Oh it's too early to put the decorations up/or it is too late as it is bedtime, but let us think what new decorations we might make together - what ideas do you have? etc. Let's go and read a story. And if you have said No, stick with it. Never ever back down!
4. Always try and find a positive way to react - hard I know!
5. Reserve firm No for when he is at risk in some way - if he hears it too much he will ignore it when it really matters.
6. Load him with praise when you can - wow you are looking cool today; I love this stuff you have brought home from school - I knew you were a clever boy; it is so lovely to see you back from school; Dad and I think you are very special etc.

He will not improve overnight but it is so important that he gets positive communications with you. Every time you feel you could scream at him try and count to 10 and think of some positive way of handling the situation, or some positive statement you can make.

It is a difficult phase of his life, but it will pass - really and truly it will. Hard to believe I know.

You also need some practical support I think - do you have babysitters?

And I endorse the idea of a parenting course, maybe online or from a book. As I said above, we are not born knowing how to do this. All knowledge is power.

Reading back over my post it sounds quite patronising - but it is not meant to be. Believe me I have been there and these are the things that worked for us. It was hard work and at times soul-destroying, but we got there in the end. They are now adults to be proud of - and so they blooming well should be after all the hard work we put in!!

I am sorry that your parents are in this situation - guide them to CAB and try and concentrate on your own challenges.

I do wish you lots of luck - I am sure you will get there

5 year olds can be tough and tiring to parent! I am sure he loves playing Lego with you :) Giving yourself and your time to your children is never enough - they always want more in my experience! I must add I did Incredible Years several years ago (parenting course at a children's centre) and it was really good! It was so nice to see other normal parents there also facing challenges. They had a creche too so that was helpful. 2 hours a week for 10 weeks I think.

Oh and I really would suggest switch off your worries for your mum's problems. Are they really yours? I had a close family member going through something very very very challenging and I had to just accept (for my own mental health) that it wasn't my problem and I had to concentrate on my own life.

Good luck OP.

Firstly stop being so unkind to yourself and go grab a cup of tea or coffee, with a little treat.
Children at various stages can be difficult, at 5 they are testing boundaries. You have December on your side, so I think Santa takes a bit of a dim view of unkindness??? Maybe get one of those Elves spies!
This is clearly a temporary a solution but a little respite for now.
There are some episodes of Supernanny on Youtube that you could watch with your husband and implement.

Your husband can start making a list of little things that make him happy, so a swim,run, pub etc. Then make a second list of what type of job he would like next or companies he want to work at-then check their jobs sections over the next few weeks. Also there are agencies that help people find jobs, maybe he could go to one.

Your parents, explain that you are having difficulties currently and are unable to help much. Point them in the direction of Step change and Moneysavingexpert and CAB.

Hopefully things move upwards for you.

bloody hell, you come on here which should be a safe spot to say your kid is being a little shit and get jumped on. We have all been at the end of our tether with our kids. You poor poor woman, you sound like you have nothing else to give so I'm not sure how you are going to find time or energy right this second to sort a parenting course! He is tired and it is in the month when the excitement and shit levels reach their peak. Take a step back, breathe, enjoy work as an escape and have a cup of tea. Try really hard not to stress and wind yourself up on the way home from work worrying about what you are walking in to, they will be able to smell your fear.

Have you read the explosive child ? It might have some strategies you could try. How's your son in school ?

I think you're anxiety is impacting on all of this. You can't walk away from your life but you can take some time out. What do you do to relax or re-set eg go for a walk, read a book, listen to music, dance? Whatever it is, do it now. Then, schedule in time to do it every day. Your MH is important.

Don't worry about your parents. They're adults. If they spend money on a new fire, they'll either be able to afford it or they can sell it again.

As for your 5-yr-old, he's being a child. YY that means he's annoying and tired and bossy. He's also picking up on the anxiety in the house. You need to be calm and firm. Read 'How to Talk so children will listen'.

You can't change your DH so stop taking on his stress. There are some good visualisation techniques that might help you to 'protect' yourself from his negativity. They're also good for coping with anxiety in general.

mummumumumumumumumumum is right, my 6 and 4 year olds are generally well behaved but they’re exhausted at the moment. Long term, Christmas excitement, things like school plays etc mean they’re completely out of their normal routine... I’ve been putting mine to bed at 6.30pm!

Have a hug OP. With your son he doesn't sound out of the ordinary (although maybe on the spirited side) so I think managing your expectations will help. Lots of kids kick off when they have to get off their tablet and it sounds like you stayed calm but firm and handled it well so you should be pleased with yourself. Likewise the playground squabble sounds totally normal you did the right thing on insisting on an apology. You can't change your son's temperament and he might always be a strong, passionate personality and you just need to accept him for who he is, be supportive and set reasonable boundaries - it sounds like that's what you doing.

Take a deep breath OP, these problems are small and your making them much bigger. Your DS is a normal 5 year old, testing boundaries and learning social rules, he’s probably picking up on your stress. Most people are in a job they don’t like, it’s not easy to just find something else, your Dh needs to suck it up unless he puts more effort into finding something else. Your parents and their money situation is not your problem, they are adults and shouldn’t be telling you about their money issues. These are just day to day life problems? Life’s as stressful as you let it be. Concentrate on post it I’ve things and stop stressing over the small things.

I think you sound a bit depressed and overwhelmed OP. Apart from your son, the issues you mention arent yourz to solve although I appreciate your husband's moods impact on you.
Some really good advice on here, hope you can fit in a bit of time for you, nice walk or coffee - whatever works for you.
If you keep feeling like you want to get away can you go somewhere alone for a night?

You’ve got a lot going on and unfortunately your dh, who you should feel supported by, is affecting you emotionally too.
Does he pull his weight?

As for your ds, I think often tablets and gadgets affect children quite badly. I know mine used to get aggressive after playing games. They don’t know how to handle all that Adrenalin and emotions that gaming triggers.
I’d take the tablet off him completely for a while. Although that will be harder for you initially as you’ll have find ways to entertain him and calm him, it could be better in the long run.
There’s a site called ahaparenting which really helped me to understand my dcs better and how to deal with them.

www.ahaparenting.com/Ages-stages/school-age

You need to take some time to do the things you enjoy too.

The trouble with little kids is that they are mirrors of your own mood and the worse you feel the more they will play up. Sad fact but true.

I would concentrate on the thing you can control which is (hopefully) your relationship with your son. Fake it till you make it. Try reading 'playful parenting' as it has lots of strategies that get kids engaged AND make you feel better at the same time - sometimes you need a bit of lightness yourself.

One thing I will say is that I outlawed screens before school just after my first kid started and it improved mornings by about 150000%.

I'm also in a mood currently op and I've just persuaded my myself to fake myself out of it. Join me??

OP, I really feel for you. I think it must be a little negative in your home at the moment with all the issues you've mentioned. I think perhaps it is rubbing off on your DS because I can't imagine a 5 year old saying that you have 'ruined his day'. He learns his expressions from his family at that age.
I don't think your DS bullies you - that's not possible. You mean he is making you give in to his demands because you don't feel strong enough to deal with the fallout. Well to do that now will save you so much angst as he grows up. He needs boundaries. You and your DH need to decide on them and stick to them. Half an hour on his tablet, after that it's time to give it to Mum or Dad. If he kicks off then explain he wont have it next time. A sticker chart is good. Expect some anger and tears - he's not used to being told no.
Your health visitor could help with how to establish some boundaries.
Good luck OP, parenting is hard work sometimes.

Hi Op, sorry things are so hard right now.
Our five year old can be challenging and really act up. I was wondering what we were doing wrong. What I have noticed is that she needs consistent routine every day and some regular one on one time with each parent (younger baby sibling to fight for our attention with!).
As soon as we get a bit lax - I. E letting her stay up a bit late or watch an extra ten mins of tv we will almost immediately get a tantrum or cheeky behaviour. It’s boring having to be so regimented and doesn’t come naturally to me if i’m honest, but is so worth it in terms of behaviour payoff.
I also notice a decline in behaviour when she’s been on my husbands tablet for more then ten minutes.
Good luck

Absolutely never any screens before school ever. There shouldn't be time.

Never any screens for the last hour before bed.

Those 2 things will help. Look at your morning and evening and replan.

Use OurPact to plan screen time so you take yourselves out of the equation but then stick to it.

Once upstairs the kids never came back down. So for us it was supper bath story sleep eventually.

The eldest never fucking slept so I had audiobooks for her. She had an amazing vocab as a result. Audible allows you to have a sleep timer if that's an option so you choose how long they play for.

For every shitty bit of behavior bring bedtime forward.

When out stick him in a corner, literally anywhere, for a time out. You'll need to stick to it 100% for 3 weeks. Then it'll be job done.

Oh dear, it is hard, but imagine how much more horrible it will be when he's 13, 14, 15 if you don't address your anxiety about him crying and learn to put your foot down in an understanding way. Easier said than done. Some of the suggestions above about breaking down problems sound really effective. My DD used to have terrible tantrums all the time I felt and I actually asked for advice and they said to keep an ABC diary ... what happened before, what happened during, what happened after and I realised they were only 3 or 4 times a day not all the time which made me realise there were some nice bits. In her case it was putting on tights, transitions to and from home, breakfast, homework.

Unless of course he does have some undiagnosed issues, rather than just being awkward. Have you spoken to the school about how he is getting on?

I would suggest not letting him stay up later as will just get tired and more grumpy and difficult to deal with.

As for your parents, let them sort out their fire and McDonalds, they are just offloading day to day issues, which we all do but when there's a lot going on, it adds up.

Your son sounds tired. Go to bed early every single night with him for the next week and try to tackle the other problems when you are not exhausted.

Prioritise sleep. Cancel everything else.

Good luck.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this , OP

I think it is about rules and boundaries for your 5 year old. Hard work for you but worth it in the end.

Your DH and your parents - meh, you cannot control their choices. Concentrate on your child first and foremost

Sending you lots and lots of love

I can't believe you talk about your 5 year old like that, sounds like he's just testing boundaries and being a 5 year old. You let your son stay up too long and he got overtired that's all. Your husband doesn't like his job, encourage him to look for a new one. Your parent's finances aren't for you to worry about.

Sounds like you are making a mountain out of a molehill and taking on other people's worries to be honest.

Morning OP

Big hug for you here, you sound like you need one
Four small tips as I have been where you are and it sucks.

Iceland do 12 x viva longlife uht skimmed milk for 6 pounds.
I bought a dozen for Brexit but they have got me out of a no milk hole three times already

Tesco do lockable cash boxes for 6 pounds with two keys. I took the drawer out (I use it separately for loose change in the glove box): a kindle fire fits into it perfectly.
So now if my kids play up or are rude then the kindle ''goes in the pokey'' (yes I have tried to get them to watch Matilda and Nanny McPhee rather than youtubers!). They see me lock it away and put a timer on or it stays in overnight. Has worked wonders.

I force myself to swim with them twice a week. It keeps them on an even keel and takes them away from gaming and out the house so relieves any guilt I have wrt screen time.

Finally I found that getting them into bed at least an hour earlier pays dividends. I have been reading World's Worst Children so we can slate others' behaviours, what's right, what's not and big up our own.

It's just four little things. Won't change everything. But is a start.
I did see a chores reward chart in Asda for 3 quid. I might use in the New Year for jobs like...brush teeth without washing off the toothpaste first

Baby steps. And breathe.
Wishing you faith, courage and cake Xx