All fur coat and no knickers

[TitaniaQueenOfTheFairies]

And

Smells like a tarts boudoir

Bob's your uncle, Fanny's your aunt...and away with the mixer

More rabbit than Sainsbury's

Face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.
Dances like a frog in a blender.
Mad as a bag of fish.
All fur coat and no knickers.
Tighter than a duck's arse.
The lights are on but nobody's home.
Face like a wet weekend/slapped arse/back end of a bus.
I wouldn't touch him with someone else's.
As much use as a chocolate fireguard.
Went down like a cup of cold sick.

Mad as a badger.

All froth and no pop.

Going by Shanks's pony
Apple doesn't fall far from the tree
Adam's ale
Useful as a chocolate teapot

Like a taxi with it's doors wide open, for somebody with big sticky out ears.

Womb like a clown car, for a woman with lots of kids.

Like a mouthful of sugarpuffs, for somebody with yellow/brown teeth

Another one said to someone with large sticking out teeth...
She could eat a pasty though a tennis racket.

^^

Sorry but that's awful

Face like a bucket of worms

A funny one I heard recently on here was 'like a button on a fur coat' I. E he had a small cock

she got an arse like a pair of ferrets fighting in a sack
well upholstered -big tits

Whitney dressed as Brittney

All wind and piss - referring to a boastful person or braggart
Wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire - unhelpful type
Tight as a gnat’s chuff - mean
Layholes for meddlers - my mother’s response to “what’s in that bag?”
As welcome as a fart in a spacesuit
Well, bugger me backwards!! - exclamation of surprise
Up and down like a hoor’s knickers/like a bride’s nightie
Happy as a dog with two dicks

Too good for clogs but can't afford heels

Turd polishing

All fur coat and nae knickers here in spam valley.

Face like they've been ram-raiding on a scooter.
More make up than a plasterer's radio.
Arse like a roofer's nail bag.
Skin like a welder's bench.
10 lottery tickets but water on their cornflakes.

Sorry for this one, but it did make me laugh!

Said of someone who hasn’t had a ‘date’ in a long time:

‘Well he’d go off like a bomb in a yoghurt factory’

One I saw on here recently that made me laugh. ‘Looked as though I’d been ridden hard and put away wet.’ Meaning she looked a mess. 😂

Shit or get off the pot/fence (make a decision)

When god gave out brains, you got trains

Strong like a bull, dumb like a tractor

A couple of crayolas short of a box

Not the sharpest tool in the shed

Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down

Petty is as pretty does

An ass like 2 dogs fighting over a bone (not sure if that was a good thing or bad one)

Big teeth.. He could eat an apple through a letterbox..
For someone mean /tight.. Short arms long pockets, or they could peel an orange in their pocket..
For lucky /fortunate person. . If they fell in the clyde they'd come oot wi a salmon in their pocket

Gives badgers a bad name - i.e. rough as a badgers arse.

“Seen more ceilings than Michelangelo “

A face like shit warmed up

"I was walking like I'd lost me 'orse" said by a rather grim auntie

Not the sharpest tool in the box

Short arms and long pockets - tightwad!

Long arms and short pockets - big spender and broke!

They've a gob like a torn pocket

She's got more faces than the town hall clock! (Two faced)

Tits like slate layers' nail bags (droopy)