All fur coat and no knickers

[TitaniaQueenOfTheFairies]

And

Couldn’t lie straight in bed (incapable of being truthful)

Would have a go at a crack in a plate (would shag anything, anytime)

Smells like a whore’s handbag in here (used by my very straight laced father to describe a room after spraying perfume/ hairspray/ body spray)

Buzzing around like a fart in a colander (busy/flapping)
Thick as two short planks

He’s a bad lot of goods.

He could fall asleep on a washing linethis was referring to the cheapest men's doss houses where you could pay a small amount to sit on a bench with other men and lean against a rope stretched across.

In Derbyshire such people are ‘ten bob millionaires’. I heard this was said by Sheffield people of those who moved to Dronfield (in Derbyshire but close to Sheffield) and paid 10 Bob (10 shillings = 50p) less in their rates and thought they were quids in.

I once heard a supply teacher describe a child in my class as being 'like a box of frogs' - a brilliant description.

Smells like a tart's bosom (too much cheap scent)

Said of a gynaecologist - he can paint the hall through the letterbox.

Champagne taste, lemonade money here. Although I sometimes say tap water money.

It’s like rolling a turd in glitter.

'Sausage Row' used to describe expensive houses bought by folk that couldn't afford them and then ending up having sausages instead of meat.

Body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch.
Horses for courses (accept that people have different skills)
There's a lid for every pot (when your friend's sure they'll never find love)
Face like a bag of spanners.
Mad as a box of frogs.
Daft as a brush (no idea what this refers to)
Sweet as a nut

Slightly off the subject but my gran used to say I'll have a fag and five to mean have a break. Never smoked a day in her life confused the hell out of me at 6 years old

“As cold as a step-mother’s breath,” was a favourite saying of my mum’s.

‘It’s black over Bill’s mother’s’ - when the sky is that deep purple-grey that means bad weather is coming.

When I asked my dad what was for dinner, he’d say ‘lob scouse and buttered candlesticks!’

As hard as a whores heart.

Teeth like a burnt fence

Face like a witch doctor’s rattle

Like a pig in thimbles

More issues than Vogue

Body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch

So crooked he'd shit a corkscrew if he swallowed a nail.

They want to have their cake and eat it and make bloody trifle out of it 'an all.

Too many clowns not enough circuses.

About as much use as a spare prick at an orgy (or sometimes wedding)
It's black over Bill's mother's' - as STDG said denoting bad weather coming
Have you been all around Bill's mother's'? (or all around the houses) if you were thought to have take too long to get somewhere/gone a long way round.
So tight he can peel an orange in his pocket - people who are miserly and don't share.
Couldn't lie straight in bed - a liar.
Toads tits on toast - Mil's reply when asked what was for tea/dinner.

schnubbins - it’s “sausage city” round these parts.

"One eye on the stove and the other up the chimney"

Granddad's saying for someone who was a bit cross eyed, still makes me chuckle even though it's a bit mean!

Looks like you've lost a pound and found sixpence.

There was one about a hearth and fire/grate but it escapes me at the moment.

Mutton dressed as lamb

Mutton dressed as Mutton. (thanks Sue Perkins).

Chip shop eyes is another I’ve heard, one eye on the fryer and one eye on the queue.

Please explain meaning of chip shop eyes....

“There’s many a dirty shirt under a fancy weskit (waistcoat).” said by my Yorkshire Granny about flash, untrustworthy people.
And a modern Irish one about “you’re so ugly....
Not even Cillit would bang ya!”

Not my circus, not my monkeys - means it’s not my problem, I think.