All fur coat and no knickers

[TitaniaQueenOfTheFairies]

And

Like trying to give an elephant a pill.(giving small portions, though thinking on, it may have a ruder meaning)
Looks like a frog in a bonnet.

Mutton dressed as lamb.

"Lies like a hairy egg" is a Royal Navy saying. Eggs are smooth, if one tells you it's hairy it's lying!

Buckingham palace ideas council house budget

My dad used to call people bungalow ..who were a bit dim but thought they were smart! He would say something like bungalow bob was in the chipshop earlier..when asked why bob was called bungalow he used to say cos he had nowt upstairs...meaning he was brainless!!
My nan used to say and it still makes me giggle thats like the pot calling the kettle grimy arse! I still have no clue! also another was I could fall asleep on a gallopping hedgehog!When talking about a gossip she would say also ..she should take a look at the state of her own nets first!

He has got a face like a slapped arse..was another favourite when someone was in a mood and she has a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp was another..presumably for an unattractive lady! For a greedy person she would announce mainly at weddings and rather loudly well I wouldnt like to take a bone off him! shockingly bad but funny! This thread is fab OP ...thank you!

Wheels spinning, hamster’s dead.

All mouth and no trouser (a man who exaggerates his sexual prowess!)

Fridge light's on but the foods not cold.

Seen more pricks than a pub dart board.
Banged more times than a taxi door.
Face like a bulldog drinking piss/eating wasps
The hamsters on holiday (brainless.. nothing on the “wheel”)

All hat and no cattle

He'd get up on a cracked plate (a bloke who would shag anything)

Mutton dressed as lamb.

Mutton dressed as ram (male equivalent)

They'd turn up to the opening of my bowels - uninvited guest who still attends functions / Z list sled desperate for exposure

Couldn’t stop a pig in a passage - for someone with bow legs.

Well that's pissed on your chips

You're lying like a cheap rug (ie badly).

I tell ds I'll have his guts for garters if he doesn't stop doing something/do as he's told. He wanted to know what I meant and then he got worried I was going to actually disembowel him Luckily now he knows it's just a saying to let him know he's in trouble.

You smell like a tart's handbag is one I remember.

If she doesn't come round tomorrow I'll see my arse.

Marks and Spencer tastes but market wages!

He could fall asleep on a washing line
She could eat an apple through a letterbox

Ok I have a couple-
My mum used to say 'an ounce of showing is worth a pound of telling'
And an elderly chap i worked with many years ago described a 1930s film star as having 'had enough dong to make a handrail around Manchester' (good old Reg!

All done up like lamb and lettuce.
Sets herself like a duck at thunder.

Both from my Gran. Never heard them anywhere else.

"When brains were being handed out, she'd gone back for a second helping of gob"

In Derbyshire such people are ‘ten bob millionaires’.

A bigger bum than two arses = boastful person

Dressed up like a fish supper. (Ready for a night on the town)

Kippers come in pairs. (When disparaging of a couple!)

Her/his eggs are all double yokers. (Those who boast)

Surely her chicks are noo all hens. (Those who forget what it’s like to have little children around)

Similar to double yokers above:

All her geese are swans

Iwouldn't shag him with someone elses fanny.