To want DH to come home

[HermioneSnape42]

DH working away for the very first time in 27 years of us being together. I was totally against it from the start but as he’s self employed he basically said I need to go where the work is. He hasn’t had to up to now but I admit things are slow at the moment.
But typically after taking on this job he was inundated again. The usual thing with being self employed.

I have got progressively more annoyed as the date became closer. And he left Sunday night.

I want him to come home. I have anxiety and I’m Not coping tbh.

I’m up at 5am and not going to bed until after 11pm. I have insomnia so don’t sleep well generally but obviously it’s worse now I got 2 hours last night of broken sleep.

We have 4DC. 2 puppies. I’m at college and I have school runs, house work, dinners homework for the children and myself. It’s just too much. I can’t do it.

I’ve texted DH numerous times but he’s refusing and saying he’s committed and can’t come home.

I don’t know what to do. I’m seriously considering keeping the kids off school and college. Between them I’m travelling 3 hours a day to take and collect them.

Making it worse is DH is working in a pub in a secondary role. So is getting 3 meals a day cooked for him and is sitting having a drink with the other work men after 6pm when he’s finished for the day. Whilst I’m still doing housework or dinner or washing up or ironing uniforms. I feel he’s taking the piss tbh.

[hotdogwoof]

My husband works away and has done for years.

Kids and multi pet household. It can be hard at first but you get used to it.

[Bluerussian]

I think you're right, TatianaLarina and in any case the children may not want to miss school.

Hermione, I hope talking about this on here is helpful. If you let it all out you may feel better, a problem shared etc.

A good night's sleep would help you too and I hope you can achieve that.

[Trews2019]

If you think it would help you to keep the children at home rather than going to school, you can do that

Of course she shouldn't do that, ridiculous advice.

[Tojigornot]

FFS this is not a reason for the DC to stay off school. Make getting them there priority nbr 1. The 17-yr-old needs to step up and take responsibility for himself, however inconvenient it may be for him.

Then concentrate on feeding everyone. Anything will do: take away, supermarket pizza, freezer food, something on toast. No-one will get scurvy in 2 weeks. Do what needs to be done with the puppies (why do you have these if you struggle to cope with the basics of life?). Everything else can wait.

You need DH’s income, which means DH needs his professional reputation intact. Stop asking him to come home.

[LemonPrism]

OMG deal with it

[Wildorchidz]

According to previous posts your youngest child is 12, your 17 year old is next youngest and your older kids are young adults...

[EatDiamondsForBreakfast]

Oh for God’s sake pull yourself together!!

[Horehound]

I think it's a poor example to show your kids..that you are so reliant on someone else that you can't function. And to then think it's ok to stop the normal routine for yours kids too.. wow
I don't think it's fair of you to out pressure on your husband. What if he always only completed half a job, do you think he'd get business then because I dont!
I think you've lost it because you can't control him

[Bluerussian]

Trews, I wasn't advising her. Hermione suggested it and I said, well she could but the school wouldn't be happy if they found out the reason. I certainly think the children should go to school and have no doubt the op will think so too in the morning but at the time of her first post, she seemed to be at the end of her tether.

I hope you're having a good sleep right now, Hermione.

[Shinesweetfreedom]

Three of the kids are practically grown up and one twelve year old.
Don’t see what the problem is.
He needs to complete the two weeks.
You are interfering and what if he does come home early because of you.
That is his professional reputation down the pan.
What on earth are you going to do when no one will offer him any work because of unreliability because of you.
If you want him to work closer to home in future you need to be taking serious steps to getting back into the work place,Until then you haven’t got a leg to stand on.

[sniffsneeze]

Hey Op, have you always had insomnia? I find it hard to sleep when my DH is away which bugs me because I do complain about him snoring when he's there. But not sleeping makes everything so much worse for me. I've heard spacemasks are fab for helping.
www.spacemasks.com

Is there anyway your DS can learn to drive so if this happens in the future it takes some of the pressure off you?

I suspect the big issue here is that it wasn't a joint decision and you are having to pick up the slack. It should have been discussed and the logistics sorted out first. He's going to be pissed off at you messaging him saying come home and you're going to be pissed off for the lack of communication. Not a happy home coming really.

[Aus84]

OP my DH is away for 2 weeks every month. You can do it, it just takes getting used to. Your children need to do more to help out for starters. Rehome the puppies.

[ShippingNews]

Sounds like you are a stay at home mother to children who are almost grown up. And you are only having to do all the normal things that you do anyway. Just without your DH there.

Why aren't your children doing more ?

Stop asking him to come home - I'd go crazy if my partner was doing that.

[Russell19]

You have a 12yo 17yo and adult children...

Really?!

My husband works away and had to go twice within the first 2 months of having a newborn. I didn't ask him to come back once, I just got on with it.

[TequilaPilates]

On another thread op says her eldest child works shifts, middle two are at university and youngest child is 12. So, only 1 child to get to school.

Surely this is mainly to do with your anxiety op - have you tried to get help for it? It can't be to do with managing the household because there are 3 other adults there apart from you - surely they can look after themselves?

[Beveren]

Tell your 17 year old that for this period he is going to have to get himself to and from college - or maybe just drop him off at one of the bus stops so that he only has to take two buses rather than three.

Can the 12 year old take the bus? How far away from his school are you?

[MarthasGinYard]

Tequila I read that too.

One dc working and two at UNI one at school

Also Op you say your 'DH normally does the school runs so that's 3 hours a day every day for him as well as wok?

Blimey, perhaps he's working away for a break.

[MarthasGinYard]

'Yes we did. For both of our daughters and paid for their lessons. We are about to start again for DS who turns 17 in May and then will do it again for DS12 when he turns 17.


Above Is an answer to 'have you bought your dc cars thread I was on'

Seems OP has bought the dc and her two adult DD's cars just confused why they not driving themselves to work 🤔

[Butterymuffin]

You need to get help for the anxiety that is stopping you being able to cope with this. That's the answer, not your husband coming back.

[raspberryk]

What the actual fuck, youngest kid is 12?
Get a grip woman! You have 1 DC and 3 grown ups -do they even still love at home ?
If so they can pitch in with everything including school runs and if they can't you need to work on getting them independent.

[Janus]

Honestly, this site is somewhere where people ask for help, not for their previous posts to be picked apart and used against them and everyone having a go. I’m sure OP’s anxiety is much better with all the ‘get a grip’ comments, not.
OP, I hope you’ve managed to have some sleep. I hope your anxiety is less today. I mentioned the sleep app Headspace, they also have a section for stress and anxiety, I haven’t looked at that but if it’s as good as the sleep section it is definitely worth looking at. It may help to do this or similar when it all feels too much. I would also think about making an appointment with your GP to discuss anxiety as I think this is bigger than your husband being away for 2 weeks.

[TequilaPilates]

Janus

I only posted that because op said she had 4 children, school runs and was talking about keeping children off of school - it makes it sound like she's got 4 little children to look after and many posts are answering with that in mind.

What's the point in totally misrepresenting your situation? The answers given aren't going to be relevant are they?

In the ops case it sounds like the real problem is her anxiety rather than the practicalities of husband working away and having 4 children.

[anniemac1]

Blimey x2

[foodname]

@Janus I actually think some people need to be told to get a grip, if she really has lived such a sheltered life that 2 weeks without her DH is unliveable then a dose of reality is needed. I'm glad she's had comments from both sides because it really shouldn't be normalised, if it genuinely is anxiety then she needs to seek further help, it's not fair on her DH to be depended on that much.

[Janus]

I agree but in real life if a friend was talking to us over a cuppa and saying she felt anxious would we just say ‘get a grip’, I don’t think we would. And if you are feeling anxious I’m sure you’d like to ‘get a grip’ but I assume you have no idea how to! So totally agree, go and ask a professional for some help with the anxiety.
Anyway, I’ll stop filling the thread now!!