To want DH to come home

[HermioneSnape42]

DH working away for the very first time in 27 years of us being together. I was totally against it from the start but as he’s self employed he basically said I need to go where the work is. He hasn’t had to up to now but I admit things are slow at the moment.
But typically after taking on this job he was inundated again. The usual thing with being self employed.

I have got progressively more annoyed as the date became closer. And he left Sunday night.

I want him to come home. I have anxiety and I’m Not coping tbh.

I’m up at 5am and not going to bed until after 11pm. I have insomnia so don’t sleep well generally but obviously it’s worse now I got 2 hours last night of broken sleep.

We have 4DC. 2 puppies. I’m at college and I have school runs, house work, dinners homework for the children and myself. It’s just too much. I can’t do it.

I’ve texted DH numerous times but he’s refusing and saying he’s committed and can’t come home.

I don’t know what to do. I’m seriously considering keeping the kids off school and college. Between them I’m travelling 3 hours a day to take and collect them.

Making it worse is DH is working in a pub in a secondary role. So is getting 3 meals a day cooked for him and is sitting having a drink with the other work men after 6pm when he’s finished for the day. Whilst I’m still doing housework or dinner or washing up or ironing uniforms. I feel he’s taking the piss tbh.

[theretheirtheyrenotno]

YAB totally U

You say it's anxiety but it sounds like you're jealous and upset about the workload.

When you have four children and two puppies l, they're expensive and hard work but you had choices!

[raspberryk]

Yup I've told friends they bed to pull up their big girl/boy pants/get a grip/be realistic. That is what good friends are for.
Mumsnet is good because you get people a honest opinions. There isn't any need to sugar cost for adults.

[paxillin]

Tell the 17 year old to take the three buses from tomorrow. Spend a couple of days teaching the 12 year old how to get to school alone.

I cannot think of a chore that 12 and 17 year olds cannot do in the household, so hand the ironing over unless the 12 year old is very clumsy, in which case do his/her school shirt yourself.

This leaves you with the two puppies to take care of. Whose idea were two puppies, the kids'? Hand responsibility over. Yours? You will need to do it then. Take turns with the adult kids to cook, 12 and 17 year old can do dishes and tidy.

[Schuyler]

I would tell a good friend kindly if they needed to get a grip. I’ve had someone say it to me only last week. It was with genuine care and I did need to get a grip. I was being ridiculous and I’m glad I have people in my life who are prepared to tell me honestly.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

Posters change ages of DCs all the time to avoid being outed, I often change my DCs sex too, so I wouldn't read too much into previous threads.

That said, yes you do need to give your head a bit of a wobble OP and get help from your children. If getting to college takes three buses, fine, take him in the morning but let him make his own way back. Get the other kids on dinner duty, make it easy. And fgs stop texting your husband.

[foodname]

Well that's a personality thing, maybe you wouldn't, I can hand on heart say I would tell someone to get a grip in the OP's situation. I'd fluff it up of course, but it would be the crux of my point. But then my friends know my husband goes away for 4 months at a time (theirs do too) so they know full well what they'd get and I do too!

[Janus]

I agree but in real life if a friend was talking to us over a cuppa and saying she felt anxious would we just say ‘get a grip’, I don’t think we would. And if you are feeling anxious I’m sure you’d like to ‘get a grip’ but I assume you have no idea how to! So totally agree, go and ask a professional for some help with the anxiety.
Anyway, I’ll stop filling the thread now!!

[foodname]

@Janus I actually think some people need to be told to get a grip, if she really has lived such a sheltered life that 2 weeks without her DH is unliveable then a dose of reality is needed. I'm glad she's had comments from both sides because it really shouldn't be normalised, if it genuinely is anxiety then she needs to seek further help, it's not fair on her DH to be depended on that much.

[anniemac1]

Blimey x2

[TequilaPilates]

Janus

I only posted that because op said she had 4 children, school runs and was talking about keeping children off of school - it makes it sound like she's got 4 little children to look after and many posts are answering with that in mind.

What's the point in totally misrepresenting your situation? The answers given aren't going to be relevant are they?

In the ops case it sounds like the real problem is her anxiety rather than the practicalities of husband working away and having 4 children.

[Janus]

Honestly, this site is somewhere where people ask for help, not for their previous posts to be picked apart and used against them and everyone having a go. I’m sure OP’s anxiety is much better with all the ‘get a grip’ comments, not.
OP, I hope you’ve managed to have some sleep. I hope your anxiety is less today. I mentioned the sleep app Headspace, they also have a section for stress and anxiety, I haven’t looked at that but if it’s as good as the sleep section it is definitely worth looking at. It may help to do this or similar when it all feels too much. I would also think about making an appointment with your GP to discuss anxiety as I think this is bigger than your husband being away for 2 weeks.

[raspberryk]

What the actual fuck, youngest kid is 12?
Get a grip woman! You have 1 DC and 3 grown ups -do they even still love at home ?
If so they can pitch in with everything including school runs and if they can't you need to work on getting them independent.

[Butterymuffin]

You need to get help for the anxiety that is stopping you being able to cope with this. That's the answer, not your husband coming back.

[MarthasGinYard]

'Yes we did. For both of our daughters and paid for their lessons. We are about to start again for DS who turns 17 in May and then will do it again for DS12 when he turns 17.


Above Is an answer to 'have you bought your dc cars thread I was on'

Seems OP has bought the dc and her two adult DD's cars just confused why they not driving themselves to work 🤔

[MarthasGinYard]

Tequila I read that too.

One dc working and two at UNI one at school

Also Op you say your 'DH normally does the school runs so that's 3 hours a day every day for him as well as wok?

Blimey, perhaps he's working away for a break.

[Beveren]

Tell your 17 year old that for this period he is going to have to get himself to and from college - or maybe just drop him off at one of the bus stops so that he only has to take two buses rather than three.

Can the 12 year old take the bus? How far away from his school are you?

[TequilaPilates]

On another thread op says her eldest child works shifts, middle two are at university and youngest child is 12. So, only 1 child to get to school.

Surely this is mainly to do with your anxiety op - have you tried to get help for it? It can't be to do with managing the household because there are 3 other adults there apart from you - surely they can look after themselves?

[Russell19]

You have a 12yo 17yo and adult children...

Really?!

My husband works away and had to go twice within the first 2 months of having a newborn. I didn't ask him to come back once, I just got on with it.

[ShippingNews]

Sounds like you are a stay at home mother to children who are almost grown up. And you are only having to do all the normal things that you do anyway. Just without your DH there.

Why aren't your children doing more ?

Stop asking him to come home - I'd go crazy if my partner was doing that.

[Aus84]

OP my DH is away for 2 weeks every month. You can do it, it just takes getting used to. Your children need to do more to help out for starters. Rehome the puppies.

[sniffsneeze]

Hey Op, have you always had insomnia? I find it hard to sleep when my DH is away which bugs me because I do complain about him snoring when he's there. But not sleeping makes everything so much worse for me. I've heard spacemasks are fab for helping.
www.spacemasks.com

Is there anyway your DS can learn to drive so if this happens in the future it takes some of the pressure off you?

I suspect the big issue here is that it wasn't a joint decision and you are having to pick up the slack. It should have been discussed and the logistics sorted out first. He's going to be pissed off at you messaging him saying come home and you're going to be pissed off for the lack of communication. Not a happy home coming really.

[Shinesweetfreedom]

Three of the kids are practically grown up and one twelve year old.
Don’t see what the problem is.
He needs to complete the two weeks.
You are interfering and what if he does come home early because of you.
That is his professional reputation down the pan.
What on earth are you going to do when no one will offer him any work because of unreliability because of you.
If you want him to work closer to home in future you need to be taking serious steps to getting back into the work place,Until then you haven’t got a leg to stand on.

[Bluerussian]

Trews, I wasn't advising her. Hermione suggested it and I said, well she could but the school wouldn't be happy if they found out the reason. I certainly think the children should go to school and have no doubt the op will think so too in the morning but at the time of her first post, she seemed to be at the end of her tether.

I hope you're having a good sleep right now, Hermione.

[Horehound]

I think it's a poor example to show your kids..that you are so reliant on someone else that you can't function. And to then think it's ok to stop the normal routine for yours kids too.. wow
I don't think it's fair of you to out pressure on your husband. What if he always only completed half a job, do you think he'd get business then because I dont!
I think you've lost it because you can't control him

[EatDiamondsForBreakfast]

Oh for God’s sake pull yourself together!!