To want DH to come home

[HermioneSnape42]

DH working away for the very first time in 27 years of us being together. I was totally against it from the start but as he’s self employed he basically said I need to go where the work is. He hasn’t had to up to now but I admit things are slow at the moment.
But typically after taking on this job he was inundated again. The usual thing with being self employed.

I have got progressively more annoyed as the date became closer. And he left Sunday night.

I want him to come home. I have anxiety and I’m Not coping tbh.

I’m up at 5am and not going to bed until after 11pm. I have insomnia so don’t sleep well generally but obviously it’s worse now I got 2 hours last night of broken sleep.

We have 4DC. 2 puppies. I’m at college and I have school runs, house work, dinners homework for the children and myself. It’s just too much. I can’t do it.

I’ve texted DH numerous times but he’s refusing and saying he’s committed and can’t come home.

I don’t know what to do. I’m seriously considering keeping the kids off school and college. Between them I’m travelling 3 hours a day to take and collect them.

Making it worse is DH is working in a pub in a secondary role. So is getting 3 meals a day cooked for him and is sitting having a drink with the other work men after 6pm when he’s finished for the day. Whilst I’m still doing housework or dinner or washing up or ironing uniforms. I feel he’s taking the piss tbh.

[coffeeforone]

If you can't do it then something has to give. Your DS can get up early and take the public transport (3 buses) to college for a couple of weeks to help out? Or can you pay someone to take/look after the dogs? Get a cleaner? Anything else you can outsource?

[katseyes7]

This reminds me of posts l see every so often on social media bleating "My OH is away for the weekend! l hate being on my own. l'm scared in the house on my own (!) and l'm bored!"
lt's two weeks. He's earning money for your family. There are women whose partners are in the forces and manage their homes and families on their own for months on end. Single parents who have to get on with it with no support. Grow up.

[coffeeforone]

But forget the jealousy that your DH is in the pub. There's nothing you can do about it. He's committed to the job - he can't just up and come home coz you've got too much on your plate.

[OverthinkingThis]

You're getting some harsh replies here OP. You can do this though, it's just your anxiety telling you that you can't. You are stronger than you think you are. Just work your way through everything that absolutely needs doing, make your DC help as much as possible, and drop anything that doesn't need doing in the next 2 weeks. Give them beans on toast for dinner if it makes your life easier.

[OkayGo]

What @OverthinkingThis said

[VisionQuest]

2 weeks? The world isn't going to come to an end. In the nicest possible way you need to get a grip.

[MollyButton]

See a GP and get a referral about the anxiety.
Can you come up with a compromise for your 17 year old - you give him a lift to a direct bus?
Buy in help if you need it: cleaning, child care, puppy walking.

But 2 weeks really isn't long

[Csleeptime]

I think people forget, it is about what you are used to. If you are a single parent you are used to coping yourself and you know how to manage everything. When you have had that many years of help and are suddenly alone and have anxiety it's very different even if only for a short time. Posters should try and empathise not judge otherwise every thread could have the response that there is someone else struggling more who copes or who is worse off, more Ill, more alone etc.

[Rafiple]

He can't come home mid job as that would look bad on him. I have anxiety and it's worse when dh goes away, but realistically you have to just crack on, get teenage ds to help with dinners on a night, scale back non essentials as other posters have said, it's 2 weeks and will be over soon

[LushyMcLushFace]

Single parent of 2 boys here. Yes, it was bloody daunting when I had to just get on with it but I managed it. I don't mean that in a 'ner ner my life's harder than yours' way more of a 'you never know what you're capable of until you have no choice' way.

Let your standards slip a bit if it helps...so what if the kids eat cereal for tea for one night? As long as they're fed they'll be ok. Don't keep them home though, it doesn't set a good example.

[Csleeptime]

Op he is doing the job and not coming back until finished so try and move past that and focus in little things that will help you. Freezer food, kids pulling their weight, chores divided up properly. Good chance to make the kids grow up. You can all share housework for example.

[Janus]

Oh and one other thing I should have said, try a sleep app. I use Headspace, it’s been absolutely amazing for me, who would get off to sleep but wake every night for a couple of hours, sends me back to sleep every time, it’s honestly been a revolution for me!

[Chivers53]

Sorry you're struggling, my partner works away all week, every week and is regularly gone for months at a time. Try to make the most of it, I never get any time to myself because of DC, but I try to make sure I keep myself and do some stuff I enjoy.

[Janus]

Revelation even 🙄😂

[MissConductUS]

I sympathize as my DH travels for work from time to time, but yours can't just drop the job and come home. It would ruin his reputation.

Get the older kids to pull more of the weight and do quick meals and takeaways.

[LondonJax]

Your 17 year old is a grown up. They need to act like one. So, they can make dinner or do the washing up or put the washing on. Every night. That's their job.

The others, depending on age, can look after the dogs, walk them or feed them, make their own lunches (if they have packed lunch), wash up (if the 17 year old isn't doing it), load the washing machine or take it out when it's done, put out the bins, help each other with home work, hoover the living room or wipe down the kitchen. It'll do them good to learn to do housework and dividing that lot by 4 kids isn't a whole lot of work. We used to wash and dry up, load the washing machine or hang it out (depending on what mum left as a task in a note when we got home from school) and, at 11 years old, I had the job of starting dinner before mum got home at 5.30pm. If I didn't we didn't eat til gone 7pm - so I soon learned how to switch on an oven and pop a pie in at 5.15pm!

Assign jobs. Do ready meals (won't kill them for two weeks and if they moan they can cook).

My DH is working away for 3months. He's done it before - 6 months a few times. He has to go where the money is or we don't live. That's the long and short of it. No travel, no mortgage payment. I've learned to put stuff to one side, delegate bits to my DS (who is only 12 years old but still mucks in) and be happy with slightly less clean, slightly earlier nights, slightly less home cooking. Can't do it all so I don't.

[Singlenotsingle]

Not getting a lot of sympathy, are you OP?

[Chivers53]

Also surely the older children can help around the house?

[Span1elsRock]

I was prepared to say oh poor you until I read the 2 weeks part....

Your anxiety isn't his fault or his burden.

[Crazycrazylady]

Honestly you're two days in and it s only weeks and your kids are not toddlers. Your poor dh is away working to support you and you've texted him already telling him to come home. Very very unfair of you.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

It’ll be fine OP. You’re two days in and you, kids, dogs are still alive and the house hasn’t burnt down. One day at a time, get everyone pitching in. Don’t try and make him feel bad, he’s working for your family and doing two jobs while he’s there by the sounds of things. Call him tomorrow and say things are fine and you hope it’s going well!

[ShawshanksRedemption]

@HermioneSnape42 I wonder if it's the fact he's never been away in so many years, so it's a big change for you that's making you wobble and feel you can't do it. I can tell you that when I have to manage kids, dog, working etc when DH goes away on work, it's easier as he does it so often, and I know where to adjust things if I need to. You get into a routine of handling things without them, so you need to do that too.

I would list what is a priority. You need to work, kids need to get to school. 17 yr old needs to get to college, but could he look at other modes of transport. You say the bus, but what about train, or even a car share if someone nearby travels to his college.

Could you take a couple of days leave at work just so you could rest as you're not sleeping? Have you seen GP about anxiety and insomnia - if not make an appt and do so!

[Branster]

Hand in there OP, you’ll survive this. 2 weeks is not that long in the great scheme of things. And don’t begrudge him having 3 square meals a day and not having to do any cooking or housework whilst he’s away. My DH has always had to work away a few times a year from between 1 to 3 weeks at a time ever since I’ve known him so we had over 2 decades of it. That’s the job and these trips are not one big jolly and are quite full on. Several of my friends are in similar situations with their DHs in various industries and no close family nearby and some have 3 or 4 children and jobs.
One strategy which works well is to share lifts with other parents for school runs and activities and have play dates.
Puppies must be hard work now, if they were older I would have suggested dog walkers every now and then.
Kids need to go to school and their routine should remain as uninterrupted as possible.
Although normally I sleep like a log, I can never sleep properly when DH is away as I feel slightly on edge. As I stay up very late (nearing 1AM) and wake up very early ( 5AM). The first day DH is back I end up sleeping for 12 hours because I relax instantly as he walks through the door and tiredness catches up with me.
I batch cook in the evenings, always set up what to wear next day and prep absolutely everything for the following day. I do cleaning, washing, ironing in the mornings, catch up on work at night (I can work from home). If you have the energy, aim to do your college work at night even if you don’t actually go to college during these two weeks. Simplify cooking as much as you can for these two weeks and try and keep the house as tidy as possible but don’t be obsessive about it unless you can get a cleaner. Try not to waste time watching TV etc (if you have 20min to spare, set your alarm and have a power nap).
There are many women in your situation, each with their own strategies and there are many women having to cope with a lot without a DH. You are not alone. Just think of the partners working on oil rigs for a start, no idea how the women cope but they must manage it somehow.
You will get through this, but it must be overwhelming and exhausting first time around with so much on. Do you have family nearby that can help a bit?

[Beautiful3]

It's just 2 weeks and hes working, to bring home the money. Yabu.

[TheoriginalLEM]

Wow!! Some really spiteful judgemental comments on here.

There is no way i would want my DP to work away for two weeks and I have one teenager at home.

I have anxiety and this would be too much for me. I don't like being away from him. It's nothing to do with not coping or being in the house alone.

I guess OP you are stuck with it now so can you find ways to make the best of it? Film nights etc , take aways as you say you are ok financially?

Can you maybe book a treat for you both for when he gets back