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Original poster

To want DH to come home

131 replies

HermioneSnape42 · 15/10/2019 19:36

DH working away for the very first time in 27 years of us being together. I was totally against it from the start but as he’s self employed he basically said I need to go where the work is. He hasn’t had to up to now but I admit things are slow at the moment.
But typically after taking on this job he was inundated again. The usual thing with being self employed.

I have got progressively more annoyed as the date became closer. And he left Sunday night.

I want him to come home. I have anxiety and I’m Not coping tbh.

I’m up at 5am and not going to bed until after 11pm. I have insomnia so don’t sleep well generally but obviously it’s worse now I got 2 hours last night of broken sleep.

We have 4DC. 2 puppies. I’m at college and I have school runs, house work, dinners homework for the children and myself. It’s just too much. I can’t do it.

I’ve texted DH numerous times but he’s refusing and saying he’s committed and can’t come home.

I don’t know what to do. I’m seriously considering keeping the kids off school and college. Between them I’m travelling 3 hours a day to take and collect them.

Making it worse is DH is working in a pub in a secondary role. So is getting 3 meals a day cooked for him and is sitting having a drink with the other work men after 6pm when he’s finished for the day. Whilst I’m still doing housework or dinner or washing up or ironing uniforms. I feel he’s taking the piss tbh.

OP posts:
Juells · 15/10/2019 19:58

2 weeks!? I thought it was going to be for a year, or something.

HollowTalk · 15/10/2019 19:59

Can you throw money at this and pay for taxis etc for getting the kids to school? For god's sake don't keep them off school - that would be ridiculous.

stucknoue · 15/10/2019 19:59

College age kids should be helping out!

Original poster
HermioneSnape42 · 15/10/2019 20:00

Thanks everyone. I did expect to be told to get a grip. I know I’m making a big deal of it but can’t seem to get out of this down rut I’m in.

I do work and go to college.

The work For DH slowed down prior to taking this job. It didn’t stop and we live a comfortable lifestyle with meals out etc.
It wasn’t necessary to me For him to take this job but for money worrier DH he took it. We have previously argued about DH taking on all work offered and consequently being run off his feet and doing ridiculous hours.

I honestly take my hat off to single parents. I’m totally overwhelmed with the hours I’m doing.

DH usually did the afternoon school runs and college runs so I’m now doing that too.

DS is 17 and is helping out but not much tbh. I’ll have to ask him to step up but he can’t drive so can’t help there.

OP posts:
ParkheadParadise · 15/10/2019 20:01

When I was a single parent working shifts I wouldn't have thought to keep dd off school.
Some people have no choice but to get on with it.

Annasgirl · 15/10/2019 20:02

Why on earth do you drop a 17 year old to college? My 12 year old gets the bus!

namechangaroonie · 15/10/2019 20:02

I’m torn, because I feel for you as you are obviously struggling.... but I’m equally frustrated because how on earth do you think single parents cope?! Give yourself a kick up the bum and get on with it! Your poor husband is trying to earn enough to support you all, and you are adding to his load by asking him to come hone too. Let standards slip for a bit, make all the kids pitch in, and count down the days. You are more than capable of doing this!

Elieza · 15/10/2019 20:04

Sounds like far too much travelling. Take the older ones to the nearest bus stop or train station that they can get to college from. Tough cheddar if they don’t like it. They are not babies.

Make quick and easy dinners. Everyone gets the same food, tough cheddar if they don’t like it, this is not a feckin hotel. “Make a sandwich if you don’t like the dinner I’ve cooked you”.

Two puppies. No idea what that’s all about. You surely don’t have time to train them properly and it doesn’t seem like you have excess cash floating about to pay someone else to train them. What about once all kids at big school. You will have passed your college course and got a job. What happens to the dogs. They just sit at home all day. Hope you’ve factored in dog walking charges which will be in the region of £100 a week. I’d rehome them while they are young.

Good luck OP. Woman up. You can do it, with or without him Grin

Whoops75 · 15/10/2019 20:04

Give your head a wobble
You will have a tough two weeks
Then he will be back.

Original poster
HermioneSnape42 · 15/10/2019 20:04

I drop him to college as it’s miles away and there isn’t a direct bus route. He’s have to catch 3 buses and leaves at ridiculous times in the morning to get there. And he picked that particular college for the course they provided that nearer ones didn’t.

OP posts:
Teachermaths · 15/10/2019 20:07

Do you live away from public transport?

How old are your dc? Sounds like they should be pitching in a lot more.

How much are you working?

Any change in life circumstances is tough if its something you aren't used to. You need to get things sorted so if he is away again you aren't sorting everything and the kids are helping too.

foodname · 15/10/2019 20:09

Try 4 months. It's pathetic to be that dependent on a person you can't cope for 2 weeks, seriously, sort yourself out.

AlexaAmbidextra · 15/10/2019 20:10

Two weeks? I thought you were going to say six months. Honestly OP, you need to get a grip. And for goodness sake stop texting the poor man asking him to come home. He’s away working, not on a lavish holiday. I’d be really pissed off with you if I was him.

user1471449295 · 15/10/2019 20:10

Does your husband have sole financial responsibility for you all? It’s 2 weeks. The way you were going on I thought you were going to say he’s working away for months.
Your post was mainly about you. He’s working. He’s earning money for his family. He’s committed to it and you are hassling him to come home Confused

Janus · 15/10/2019 20:12

I have 4 children and 3 dogs and husband works away every week BUT I don’t work. Could you maybe take some leave? If you just had school runs and feeding the tribe it might be easier?

SprinkleDash · 15/10/2019 20:14

This reply has been deleted

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bookwormsforever · 15/10/2019 20:15

Your h has been away for 2 days ... come on.

He’s be8ng responsible and going where the money is. Did you before he went about how you’d manage school runs?

Time for your dc to start helping out a lot more, with their own cooking, ironing, etc. Maybe even taking the bus to college.

Also, puppies? Get rid if you have too much on.

Are you getting treatment for your anxiety? If no, make a GP appt. there are loads of websites you can use for meditation, mindfulness etc.

Sleeping better will make the days better.

It’s only two weeks. You can do it.

If your dc is old enough for college he should have picked one that’s easier to get to, or be happy to take 3 buses to get there.

Lockheart · 15/10/2019 20:16

It's only 2 weeks.

Scale back the dinners and make very low effort ones (2 weeks of ready meals / chips / beans on toast / canned soups and bagged salads won't kill anyone). Get your older children to sort dinner out too. Or batch cook something at the weekend so all you have to do is defrost and microwave.

Let the kids do their own homework.

You should be looking to scale back your own college hours before pulling the children out of theirs.

Is there anyone who would be willing to look after one or both of the puppies for a day / a couple of days?

Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2019 20:16

Op, have you considered that you might be suffering with peri-menopause? Anxiety and insomnia are literally 2 of the top symptoms.

WoollyFoolly · 15/10/2019 20:20

Instead of dropping him at college, is there somewhere closer to home you can drop him where he can get a direct bus? And even if he has to get 3 buses, that's only for 2 weeks, he'll cope. Lots of people travel on multiple buses for school, college, work.
It does sound like the kids need to step up a bit, it might be the kick up the bum they need.

Lockheart · 15/10/2019 20:20

Oh and let the housework slide until the weekend, or get the children to help out! Your oldest at least is very capable of doing laundry and running a hoover or duster around.

OkayGo · 15/10/2019 20:20

You can do it op. It's only 2 weeks. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate but you can do it.

HeyNotInMyName · 15/10/2019 20:22

@SprinkleDash and. How is that helpful?

raspberryk · 15/10/2019 20:26

You'll be rolling out the "feel like a single parent" line next.

FGS 17yo doesn't even need parenting.

You need to pull up your big girl pants and give yourself a kick up the bum. Then at the end of the day drink wine. It helps.

Krisskrosskiss · 15/10/2019 20:27

Its not forever... hes bringing in money..
I know how you feel. I have two under 4 and sometimes my husband gets put on a strong of 12 hour night shifts. So hes not away from home but hes in the spare room asleep all day and then hes at work 12 hours over night... so essentially I am then doing everything at home and with the kids alone. It is even harder with your DH not even being there at all... but it's not a permanent thing. He will be back and it sounds like it's important for your finances for him to be there...
I'd try and stick it out if I were you.