I said I couldn’t afford to go on a night out and now this

[Easyguess]

I’ll admit I very rarely go out with friends because I often can’t afford to be spending £50 at least on just me.

The way I see it is that we aren’t high earners, I’m on just over minimum wage and DP slightly more so we must budget our money accordingly, surely that’s acceptable?

I’ve been invited on a ‘mummy’s night off’ which is where a group of mum’s from DC class go out to the city centre for dinner and drinks, then on to a club afterwards.
I can’t afford to go, we just haven’t got the money spare.

So I politely declined last week, explaining that I couldn’t afford it. She replied saying ‘you can’t afford one night out?’ So I said along the lines of not at the moment but I hope they all had a great time, sort of thing.

Her ‘come out! you’ll have a fab time?!’
Me ‘as I said, I can’t afford it’
Her ‘the others can chip in for your dinner and you’ll just need to pay for drinks, how about that?’
Me ‘that’s really kind but I still couldn’t stretch to it, have a great time!’

She hasn’t responded to that.

She has however been talking to the other mum’s about me and DP and how we appear to waste our money.

I went to the school coffee morning yesterday and some of the other mum’s told me what she’s been saying.

1. She often sees us unloading ‘bags and bags of shopping’ from our car.

I can only imagine that’s the weekly or monthly shop, and Aldi, we’d have been to Aldi, we have ourselves and 3 dc to feed!
Or, perhaps she saw us returning from the school uniform shopping trip and saw some clothing bags, shoe boxes and the like?

1. We can afford a big car.

We have one, paid for, family car and it’s not high end or anything!

1. She knows ‘for a fact’ that me and my DP drink beer and wine at the weekends and thinks if we can waste money on that then I can afford a night out.

We do like a drink and choose to drink at home to save money! No babysitter, taxi etc. My wine is £5! I wonder if she knows I sometimes buy another mid-week too DP beer costs similar.

1. She’s seen on my Facebook that I ‘go out loads’

The only times we’ve been out all year have been as a family, with close friends or just me and DP. And there haven’t been many, not even once a month. Just occasionally a birthday lunch and a wedding that we went to etc.

She has come to the conclusion that I could be snubbing the mum group and tasked the mum’s attending the coffee morning to try to talk me into going.

I explained that I can’t afford it, and that even if there was £50, £60, £70+ sitting in our account, I couldn’t justify spending it on myself. Christmas is coming and we’ll really be watching our spending so we can afford our family celebrations.

Other mum’s have warned me there’s going to be a Christmas one in December, I’ll have to decline again and dread her seeing me tagged in anything on my work’s do! (Paid for in instalments over the last few months)

I do understand that it’s good to get along with the other school parents (and I do) and I will try to go along to some of the nights out but it won’t be this side of Christmas.

It’s not very nice having to justify myself like this. Why can’t I just decline and that’s it?

From another perspective....i have a friend who owns property worth over a million pounds mortgage free....she frequently plays the money is tight card ..i find it really offensive as im a lone parent working in retail and never turn down invites saying ' i cant afford it'...if you dont want to go then just say so...i hate it when people claim money is tight and then blow £100 on a new handbag.

It's a shame the night is dinner drinks and club as a lot of people couldn't justify that. We go out every once in a while but just down the pub. Some come later some go early. No rounds and you drink what and as much or little as you like. That way anyone can join.

I often turn down nights out simply because I don't want to sacrifice my sleep! It would have to be an epic reason for me to extend my bedtime 😅

i hate it when people claim money is tight and then blow £100 on a new handbag.

why? They have different priorities, they wouldn't be able to blow £100 on a handbag if they were wasting money elsewhere.

You friend might have assets, but she might not be cash rich. People get more offended if you tell them you can't be bothered - and it's not nice to tell them that you don't like their choice of outing. Can't afford it, would rather spend money elsewhere, perfectly valid reasons.

I haven’t got enough money to go, therefore I can’t afford it! I’m not choosing to spend the money on anything else, the money is not there.
When I said if I had the money I still couldn’t go, that would be because it’s there for something else such as a bill or food or petrol or yes, perhaps it’s about to be my child’s birthday or Christmas is fast approaching. Of course I’m not busting it all on a night out, DP would likely leave me if I were so selfish!

Jesus what a twat. I don't know any people like this thank god.
I am part of a 'mums group' . Someone now and again suggests a night out down the local. Some folk can make it, some not.
No one EVER questions why someone can't come. Its no-ones f*cking business.
Your finances and financial priorities are no-ones business except your own.

If you actually like any of these people, invite them round for a night in. If you want to. Or suggest a trip down the local for a couple of drinks minus food. (We always meet up at our local. They do pizzas in the bar, so some eat, and some don't)

When I was a new reception mum and got dragged into the PTA the woman I admired the most was the one I bounced up to and said “oooh come to x!”.

“No”

“Oh why? It’ll be fun it’s only £x!”

“because I don’t want to”

Such respect for her. Now I am that mum.

Be that mum.

You don't need to justify or defend yourself at all to her or anyone.
I'm also that mum that can't afford to go.
And if I could I'd much rather go out with DP than school mums I'm afraid. So I wouldn't be going either. And I wouldn't feel bad about it at all.
It's none of her business what you spend your money on. Next time just say sorry I can't go. And no explanation. It's not mandatory.
I've never had any problems with it. Weird woman she is. Why does she care so much?