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Original poster

Sat in the car about to ruin my life

208 replies

AdvanceRegret · 23/09/2019 18:43

I've got an amazing husband and an even more amazing baby son. I had my son a few months ago and I've just gotten sadder and sadder and it's like I've hit the fuck it button. Insomnia keeps me up all night, I just feel out of control and now I'm sat outside the house of a man who is not my husband in my car and he's expecting me to go in and sleep with him and it's like I've suddenly woken up and realised what I've done. I'm so unhappy with myself not my husband and I'm about to destroy my family. I only just made this family. Even if I turn the car around and drive home it's gone too far. I'm here. That's just as bad as actually doing it. Right? What the fuck is wrong with me?

OP posts:
MyGhastIsFlabbered · 30/09/2019 12:40

I'm so pleased you've seen your GP. When I had DS2 my HV referred me to a PND support group-it might be worth asking if there's anything like that in your area?

Enjoy your time with your DH and baby. But don't feel pressured to enjoy every second, it's ok to feel it's a bit shit at times. Those nights when the baby won't settle no matter what you do are the worst.

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/09/2019 12:52

I wouldn’t tell him. Well done for going to the dr.

NoSquirrels · 30/09/2019 12:52

So pleased you’re getting good support. Flowers

You don’t need to tell him where you went, OP. The man wasn’t the point, and so there’s no need to mention him. Nothing happened except that the possibility made you understand that you were not well.

foxyfemke · 30/09/2019 13:03

So glad you had help and that you're on the road to recovery now. Don't tell your husband, there's no need. You didn't act, you were at rock bottom and you sought help. That's all that matters.

Gazelda · 30/09/2019 13:04

I'm so pleased you found the strength to get help. I hope you're soon feeling more like yourself Thanks

CilantroChili · 30/09/2019 13:06

PND is the worst. All forms of depression are miserable but there’s something so mean and sneaky about PND and YES op, it disguises itself...

I remember that feeling of disconnect so well, that lonely, weird,spaced out sensation.
A feeling of grief, of abandonment. Everything is echoing around you. You love your baby desperately but your emotional state of being is torn apart. That’s how I remember PND.
I got better with my gp’s help. So glad you’ve been to see yours, things will pick up soon. Rest as much as you can, be very kind to yourself CakeFlowersSmile

Cupcakesandcurlyfries · 30/09/2019 13:12

I'm so pleased we could all help you see a way through this. It will take time for your meds to kick in, some days will be better than others, but you will get there. I'm glad your husband was able to take some time off work to support you through this. Stay strong, take it a day at a time and before you know it, you'll be feeling more like you. Enjoy your little family. Don't forget, we are all here for you should you need us again. Best wishes 💐

Theworldisfullofgs · 30/09/2019 13:18

I'm so glad you've got help. I hope you start to feel better soon.

AnotherEmma · 30/09/2019 13:29

Ah so pleased to read your update. Hope the sertraline helps and you start to feel more like yourself very soon Flowers

Gustavo1 · 30/09/2019 13:37

So pleased you have sought help and so pleased your DH is being supportive.
There is no need to discuss what didn’t happen. It took that moment to realise you were at the edge. You realised. Nothing happened.
Good luck xx

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/09/2019 13:41

I'm so glad to hear you have accessed support. In a few months, you will probably look back and think that it was obvious I was ill but I couldn't see it. I'd seek counselling before you decide if you should tell your husband and what you didn't do. Counselling will be a safe place where you can discuss all the options and possible outcomes.

DaisyDreaming · 30/09/2019 13:45

I hope today you drive your car to your GP and get some help xxxx

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 30/09/2019 13:53

Well done, you brave human, you : ) You did exactly the right thing. You'll be okay.

peridito · 30/09/2019 16:30

It's made my day to read your update .There is no way you should feel bad about coming back to the thread ( altho of course it must remind you of that awful night ) .You are such a battler ,so brave and thoughtful to update us .

I hope your doc is supportive ,different anti -d's suit different ppl .

Sending you all love and strength Glitterball Flowers Glitterball

Redshoesandtheblues · 30/09/2019 16:42

I'm so happy to read your update.
You've shown courage, self awareness and you should be proud of yourself.
Flowers

Apolloanddaphne · 30/09/2019 17:40

I'm so glad to see this update. Well done for seeking help. Hopefully you will be feeling more like yourself soon.

VictoriaBun · 30/09/2019 17:49

I'm pleased it seems to be working out for you and going the right way.
I'd also keep what you thought you'd be doing that might to yourself and not tell your husband . You were acting out of normal and not yourself for those times so let that go .

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 30/09/2019 20:20

So glad that things are looking up for you Op. Flowers

Hey1256 · 30/09/2019 20:42

So glad you're doing better OP, I was seriously worried that you'd disappeared off the thread. Anyway, all the best.
Onwards and upwards. .xxx

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/09/2019 20:43

Glad youre getting help. You don’t need to tell your DH (or anyone, ever) HOW you realised you were at crisis point. Just that you went for a drive, for some time alone, and you realised you didn’t feel in your right mind. Which was when you sought help. That’s all you ever need to tell anyone because it is precisely the truth.

Orchidflower1 · 30/09/2019 20:59

Oh OP I’m genuinely pleased to hear your update. I was so concerned for you. I wish you strength as you continue to improve your mental health.

Itallt0omuch · 30/09/2019 21:04

I'm so proud of you for getting support. That's the hardest thing.

I still feel almost disconnected from everything and my life still doesn't feel like mine, I'm hoping the medication will help that. It's a surreal feeling and not one that I like.

That's what my depression feels like. I found my anti depressants do help with that. I wouldn't tell your husband where you went that night. You didn't do anything. I don't believe you ever had any intentions of doing it or you wouldn't have posted. Going to sit outside that man's house was a symptom of your depression. If you were not ill, you'd never ever have done that. It was a cry for help and you have gone and got help. Your husband doesn't need to know, not because you're ashamed but because it doesn't actually matter.

AnneKipanki · 30/09/2019 21:05

Thanks for updating @AdvanceRegret
You and your family will get there.

NoTheresa · 30/09/2019 21:07

Sending you good wishes. Flowers

margaritaproblems · 01/10/2019 13:14

Bless you. Lovely to hear you got some help. It's not your fault. You haven't done anything wrong.
You weren't thinking straight.

Give yourself a break and take care of yourself x