Sat in the car about to ruin my life

[AdvanceRegret]

I've got an amazing husband and an even more amazing baby son. I had my son a few months ago and I've just gotten sadder and sadder and it's like I've hit the fuck it button. Insomnia keeps me up all night, I just feel out of control and now I'm sat outside the house of a man who is not my husband in my car and he's expecting me to go in and sleep with him and it's like I've suddenly woken up and realised what I've done. I'm so unhappy with myself not my husband and I'm about to destroy my family. I only just made this family. Even if I turn the car around and drive home it's gone too far. I'm here. That's just as bad as actually doing it. Right? What the fuck is wrong with me?

Please turn around and go back. The man whose house you are sitting outside can't be terribly nice if he thinks this is OK- he's certainly not worth throwing everything away for.

it is not too late. Just drive away. Drive far enough away that it feels like you've left that decision behind. Then come back and talk with us.

Talk to us OP. Whether you've gone into the house or not. We'll listen.

Drive away. You obviously don't want to do this, so don't. For any reason.

Oh OP, I hope you drove away, but more importantly I hope now that you have realised that you are unhappy, you can start working on yourself to make yourself feel better.

I hope you're ok OP. Having a baby is so so tough on every aspect of your life. You haven't gone in so, with a bit of help (from us, from your friends IRL, your Dr) it can and will be ok.

You're not a bad person OP, you're exhausted and a new mum.

You literally had a baby a few months ago....give yourself a breather!

Please listen to every person advising you to leave and go before you make a decision you can't come back from.
Right now you have options, once you go through that door things change.....think about it very very carefully

You're at a point where you're actively going to choose to betray your husband.

If you go ahead and get caught there's no "it just happened" "I didn't know what I was thinking". Because you'll have sat and thought it through and then gone ahead anyway.

I'm hoping there's been no more replies from you because you've turned the car round and are driving home to work on things and not because you've chosen to go into this blokes house and cheat on your husband.

I'd never forgive my husband if he had sexual with someone else, if he came to me and said he was struggling and isn't happy at the minute and can we talk and work on a few things, that would be totally different and is nowhere near the same thing.

Don't do it.

OP it isn't too late. I really hope you have turned the car around and gone somewhere to think and have time for yourself. It sounds like you might have PND describing feeling asleep etc and your insomnia are bound to test even the strongest of people. Go home talk to your DH and get through this. You are stronger than you know!

Op have you spoken to anybody about PND? That's what you need right now. It will get better.

What you don't need is self sabotage which is what you're doing.

Drive away. Go to McDonald's. Have a hormonal hamburger and give yourself a break.

Be kind to yourself babe.

Go home. Give your husband a hug, and then go to the doctors in the morning and chat it over.

It will pass

Thinking about doing it is not the same as doing it.

One is a fantasy, the other is a reality.

Everyone has fantasies.

Go home.

Tomorrow tell your GP or health visitor about how down you feel. They can help you.

You posted on here because you didn't want to do it, OP. You've got all of us rooting for you now. Start the car and park up somewhere - don't go into the house.

Send the guy a message saying you have to get back to your baby.

It hasn't gone too far

Well it kind of has, the OP has not just taken a wrong turn and found herself outside this house. One assumes there has been a series of interactions and communications with this bloke that has led to this point. Poor DH.

Op, it doesn't matter what you've done, the only thing that matters now is that your lovely baby son needs you. You're the only mummy he has and he loves you so much. Go to the gp asap and sort your pnd out, for him.

Wonder if the op went in or not
I hope she didn't

OP please get yourself away from this mans house and take a deep breath. You don't need him, he won't solve your problems he will create more. You're not thinking straight and you need to look after yourself so that you can look after your beautiful new baby. Talk to your DH and talk to your GP please

Oh god you poor thing. I can’t imagine how awful you must be feeling. Obviously what you’ve done is wrong, and the way you’ve been acting in order to reach this point clearly hasn’t been great, but you can still stop this.

I hope you went home OP? Please don't throw away what you have, you have realised it's a mistake before you went through with it, you've not ruined anything.

It's a massive massive change having a baby, and sleep deprivation can make us do crazy things, but perhaps it's more than that? Talk to your HV or GP.

I hope you are ok?

I can't have pnd, I love my baby I have no negative feelings towards him at all. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. He's so good. He feeds and sleeps like a dream, he's so gorgeous. We battled infertility for fucking years and now he's here I'm just lost. I feel like a fraud in my own life. Like none of it is really mine. I've got complete insomnia, I almost never sleep. I just lie awake all night feeling so overwhelmingly numb with this deafingly loud silence in my head. I just wanted to feel something. I bumped into a man I used to sleep with casually years ago, he doesn't even know I have a husband or a baby. He gave me his address and said to stop by tonight if I wanted to. He doesn't even know I drove there. There's no messages to prove any of it. But I went. I went and I sat there for way too long. I've let my perfect son down

You can love your baby and still have pnd. It does sound like a visit to the GP and maybe some counselling might be a sensible idea?

You know that lack of sleep can stop you thinking straight - you know it's used as torture.

Get yourself to the doctor's tomorrow morning, OP, and tell your husband exactly how tired you are and how awful you're feeling. Don't mention the other guy at all, obviously.

You haven't let anyone down!!
Ultimately we all know how you feel, after you have a baby it's like your not even a person anymore. Everything you do is revolves around a baby, people don't really ask how you are it's all baby, baby, baby. And it's bloody hard!! It's so easy to forget who you are when you are suddenly just Mum. And I can completely understand you trying to do something to connect to your old self. But you know already it isn't going to make you feel better.

Go home, go to the doctors and speak to someone. You need some help sleeping at the very least x

I can't bring myself to go home. How can I pretend I deserve either of them. Fuck sake I came from such a dysfunctional family I just couldn't wait to have my own and not make the same mistakes. It would literally be perfect if it wasn't for me