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Original poster

I’m going to have to tell her straight aren’t I?

450 replies

PinkBlossomTrees · 06/09/2019 10:33

This situation is quite complicated but I will try to explain briefly.

My oldest best friend who I used to go to school with has a DD the same age as mine. They live close by and the girls went through nursery and school together.

In year 3 her DD started bullying my DD. My DD didn’t tell me for 2 years. I took it straight to the head when I found out and parents were called in. My friend was unhappy I went to the school and not her. DD moved classes on her request and had a happy final year at school.

The girls are now both in year 9 at different schools. Me and my friend have rekindled our friendship, it’s not the same as before but we are friends. Our DDs have nothing to do with each other but we’ve moved on it’s all in the past.

During the holidays my friend said her DD may possibly need my help with something (to do with my job) and would I possibly be prepared to help her out and if so how much would I charge. I ran it past my DD first and she said she had no problem with it. So I said to my friend that should be fine and I wouldn’t charge.

My friend came back to me and said her DD does need my help and can I go round to theirs on Sunday, it’s all been arranged.

I mentioned to DD last night that I was helping her out Sunday. She’s said she’s not happy about it anymore as friends DD this week has been getting on a different school bus (same stop as my DD) and the name calling has started again and she’s shown me messages from her on Instagram calling her a “fat cunt” and saying how she should go to weight watchers.

After seeing this I have absolutely no intention of helping her out but need to let her Mum know but I have no idea what to say.
If it was you, would you make up a excuse or tell the mum straight the reason why?

I have no idea what to say.

OP posts:
HysteryMystery · 06/09/2019 10:36

Screenshot.
"I'm not sure it would be appropriate for me to come round on Sunday."

GilmoreMe · 06/09/2019 10:37

Show her the messages?
Tell her straight you have no intention of helping her out and that is the reason why.

Morgan12 · 06/09/2019 10:38

Show her the messages.

God she sounds horrible.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 06/09/2019 10:39

Yep. She needs to know what her daughter is doing and that that is why you are no longer willing to help. And if she is numpty about it, point out that you have let her know, as she would have liked last time.

KurriKurri · 06/09/2019 10:39

Tell her reason why, show her the messages and say you are no longer willing to help her DD either for free or paid.
You may lose the friendship again, but if the DD can carry on wanting to bully from year 3 to year 9, then she has really got it in for your DD and i wouldn't be willing to help at all and I'd want the mother to know exactly why so maybe she can put an end tothis behaviour before the girl becomes a major problem.

Does your friends DD know you were going to come and help her ? It seems outlandish behaviour to start being abusive to your DD if she did.

Luaa · 06/09/2019 10:39

Send her the messages and say you are no longer willing to help. She needs to know what her daughter is like and her daughter needs to learn her actions have consequences.

GrumpiestCat · 06/09/2019 10:40

I think show her the messages and say you really don't feel comfortable dealing with her daughter as a result. That's really nasty behaviour, your poor daughter.

Bouffalant · 06/09/2019 10:40

Screen shot it and send it to your friend, telling her that due to this you will now not be helping her DD.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/09/2019 10:40

This girl bullied your dd. You owe her diddly squat. I don’t blame your dd for not being happy. I can’t believe she had the the audacity to ask, tbh

Didiusfalco · 06/09/2019 10:41

Tell your friend straight. No excuses. Her dd sounds awful.

IShitGlitter · 06/09/2019 10:42

yep send her the screen shots of the messages

DowntonCrabby · 06/09/2019 10:43

Screenshot and quite honestly I’d be prepared to end the friendship.

Your poor DD Flowers

BBBear · 06/09/2019 10:43

I agree with everyone else. You have to tell her why. Screenshot the message to your daughter and explain to friend what is happening.

CandyLeBonBon · 06/09/2019 10:45

God your poor daughter. As pp have said, show her the message, tell her you're letting her know out of respect for her wishes that she'd been informed last time and bow out from helping her daughter. What a horrible situation.

chickenyhead · 06/09/2019 10:46

Yuck

I would screenshot and tell her why you will not be going.

Your ex friend will back her spawn or deny.

Dont get drawn in to it, just blank. Your daughter does not deserve this and needs some tools to manage it.

My daughter isn't as mouthy as me so wouldn't reply with something like,,,well as I keep telling you, you aren't my type X, so move on being so obsessed with my body is creepy,...

My daughter chose instead to do the fake laugh and face drop eye roll of disgust. It worked for her.

Horrible age group sometimes

fishonabicycle · 06/09/2019 10:47

Same as the rest! Show her the message and say you don't really feel like helping her any more. Her daughter sounds horrible.

Soubriquet · 06/09/2019 10:47

Sorry but I’m not able to help anymore as it’s clear your dd has no respect for mine.

And then show her the messages

She (the dd) needs to learn that actions have consequences

Fatted · 06/09/2019 10:48

Show her the messages and end the friendship with this woman. Where on earth did you think the daughter learned this behaviour from?!

Hidingtonothing · 06/09/2019 10:48

I would tell her exactly the way you've told us here, clear facts which you can then back up with screenshots if necessary. Tell her everything that's been happening before you even get to changing your mind about helping her DD, that can be tagged on at the end as it ought to be bloody obvious by then you won't be helping! Don't think about it for too long and get yourself in a state, make the call/send the message ASAP and get it off your mind Flowers

NigellaAwesome · 06/09/2019 10:49

I agree, send a screenshot along with a message saying that it has put you in a difficult position, but that your priority needs to be your DD so you can no longer help out.

BitchPeas · 06/09/2019 10:50

Definitely screen shot the messages, send them to your friend with a message saying ‘won’t be round Sunday’. Then ignore!

Stormwhale · 06/09/2019 10:50

I really dont think you need to say much at all. Send a screenshot with a brief message stating that you no longer think it's appropriate to help.

Summer2019NewMummy · 06/09/2019 10:50

100% show her the messages. She should deal with this situation properly!

HollowTalk · 06/09/2019 10:51

What an idiot, writing insults on social media. Your poor daughter. I doubt the girl's mum needs any more proof of what her daughter's really like.

I'd go to the school as well. I hate to say it but it wouldn't surprise me if the bullying ramps up once the bully's mum confronts her.

ShirleyPhallus · 06/09/2019 10:52

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell her the truth?