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Original poster

I’m going to have to tell her straight aren’t I?

450 replies

PinkBlossomTrees · 06/09/2019 10:33

This situation is quite complicated but I will try to explain briefly.

My oldest best friend who I used to go to school with has a DD the same age as mine. They live close by and the girls went through nursery and school together.

In year 3 her DD started bullying my DD. My DD didn’t tell me for 2 years. I took it straight to the head when I found out and parents were called in. My friend was unhappy I went to the school and not her. DD moved classes on her request and had a happy final year at school.

The girls are now both in year 9 at different schools. Me and my friend have rekindled our friendship, it’s not the same as before but we are friends. Our DDs have nothing to do with each other but we’ve moved on it’s all in the past.

During the holidays my friend said her DD may possibly need my help with something (to do with my job) and would I possibly be prepared to help her out and if so how much would I charge. I ran it past my DD first and she said she had no problem with it. So I said to my friend that should be fine and I wouldn’t charge.

My friend came back to me and said her DD does need my help and can I go round to theirs on Sunday, it’s all been arranged.

I mentioned to DD last night that I was helping her out Sunday. She’s said she’s not happy about it anymore as friends DD this week has been getting on a different school bus (same stop as my DD) and the name calling has started again and she’s shown me messages from her on Instagram calling her a “fat cunt” and saying how she should go to weight watchers.

After seeing this I have absolutely no intention of helping her out but need to let her Mum know but I have no idea what to say.
If it was you, would you make up a excuse or tell the mum straight the reason why?

I have no idea what to say.

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 07/09/2019 23:28

I think the Op should cancel the cheque.

EZA15 · 08/09/2019 03:37

i think the Op should cancel the cheque

Grin
MyOtherProfile · 08/09/2019 07:06

They aren’t at the same school

This.

Imagineallthesheeple · 08/09/2019 07:50

I would go and give the little bully, a piece of my mind. It's a bit disgusting that her mum hasn't pulled her up on her behaviour! Bullying is basically self hate projected. " I would ask her what she gets out of making a person feel shit about themselves?" Then wait there till she explains it to you. Make her write it down...then ask her how worn down she would feel if somebody did that to her, every single day regarding how she looked, what she is like as a person, her strength and weaknesses. She is old enough to know how her actions make your DD feel.

simplekindoflife · 08/09/2019 08:34

@Bumbags

I always RTFT! But I have to scroll through the pages on my app to manually find the OP's posts. How do I highlight them??

CandyLeBonBon · 08/09/2019 09:23

@SoupDragon 😂

Nanny0gg · 08/09/2019 10:32

@SunshineAngel

See that big Talk link at the top with a little arrow next to it? Click on the arrow, then Customise.

You can highlight your posts and the OP's. Makes life much easier.

RedElephants · 08/09/2019 11:16

This...from pheasentplucker2
I'd ask your daughter what she'd prefer you to do.

Give her the control back -
either do you want me to send the pictures to her mum, or
do you want me to go round as planned on Sunday and talk to the mum and daughter together.

Make it clear to your daughter that you won't be helping the girl, but you need to deal with this.

If she has made it up, she has an opportunity to confess. But if she hasn't, and it doesn't sound as though she has, then you're giving her the control.

Vanhi · 08/09/2019 12:19

I’m sorry Vanhi but I have to disagree - calling a child a fat cu is vile and deserves equally descriptive language to describe this girl - bully is not enough.

Given how bad bullying is, I think it's an appropriate word to use. It describes her behaviour, which was totally unacceptable. Personally I can't think of a good way to phrase "stop calling people a fat cunt, you little bitch".

GossipGirlxoxoxo · 08/09/2019 14:03

I would normally go to the parent like you have in a situation like this however if I felt like the parent was brushing it under the table and wasn’t going to actually parent their child in the right why like your friends seems to have done by making excuses then I’d take it further and go to the school. Bully’s need to know their is consequences to there actions otherwise it’s like we are saying it’s ok for them to be like that.

I wouldn’t be impressed in the slightest at your friends response it’s like she is saying my dd is going through a shit time at the moment so it’s ok for her to make your dd life shit too.
I know if this was me and someone come to me about one of my children doing this I would be so apologetic and disappointed. my child would be made to apologise and seriously grounded.

GreenTulips · 08/09/2019 14:09

then I’d take it further and go to the school

They aren’t at the same school! Maybe OP should speak to the bus company instead as it happened there?

Original poster
PinkBlossomTrees · 08/09/2019 18:27

DD had a message from another girl who goes to her school and knows friends D as she used to go to the same primary as the girls. This girl has said she doesn’t want to get involved but wanted to warn DD that friends D has been in touch with her and said the following “she better watch her back as I’m coming for her Monday”

I’ve had to unblock ex friend to let her know, she has spoken to her D and hasn’t denied anything but is making excuses for her behavior again. This all started because DD and her friend were apparently at the bus stop were clearly taking the piss out of friends D and laughing between themselves. I spoke to DD and her side is her and her friend (different girl, who she walks to the bus stop with, who didn’t go to primary school she just lives near us) were having a conversation between themselves. This was before any comments were made on the first day they saw her at the bus stop. They weren’t laughing or talking about friends D as the other girl doesn’t even know who she is or any of the history they were simply having a conversation between themselves. My DD said I should ask her friend who would back her up.

There was a bit of back and forth with my ex friend of he says she says. She kept making excuses and saying that she hopes all this wouldn’t come between us.
I told her I’m not interested in all that but I was warning her I’m not putting up with all this, when I messaged her Friday I had hoped that was the end of it. I told her to sort it out once and for all or I would be taking it further. I’ve reblocked her as it all got a bit pathetic.

Now DDs friend from primary who knows friends D is worried that she will be a target now she’s passed on this message. All 3 girls have decided to go to different bus stop from now on that leaves earlier but is in a different direction to friends D house so hopefully they won’t have to cross paths.

My DD is now unhappy and says maybe I shouldn’t have contacted her mum. Even tho she did say that’s what she wanted to happen.

I will be contacting the school of friends D first thing tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkBlossomTrees · 08/09/2019 18:31

DD and ex friends D don’t go to the same school but the original comments were made at the bus stop. The girl was wearing her uniform at the time and the new threat was due to happen at the bus stop tomorrow hence why I’m going to go to the school.

OP posts:
Gruzinkerbell1 · 08/09/2019 18:31

Yep, straight to the girl’s school in the morning. She sounds a delight and clearly doesn’t know when to give up.

karenbokaren · 08/09/2019 18:31

Angry very cross about the whole thing on your behalf. You sound like you're handling it as well as you can though.

Soubriquet · 08/09/2019 18:33

I would be going to the school, and if they don’t do anything, involving the police

mankyfourthtoe · 08/09/2019 18:43

Screenshots will be helpful, maybe even mums if she's not supportive.

FelicisNox · 08/09/2019 20:46

You're doing the right thing.

That is all.

ohfourfoxache · 08/09/2019 21:46

Keep a record of everything, just in case. If this escalates further you’ll need it.

Leftielefterson · 08/09/2019 21:54

Bloody hell OP your poor DD. You did the right thing and frankly your friend sounds like a total bitch. I think you’re better off just walking away from the friendship.

flumpybear · 08/09/2019 21:55

Keep a teen shots and notes of everything and all emails - personally I'd be onto this hideous girls school for them to sort out and I'd also cal non emergency police as it's threatening behaviour in writing and it's time somebody put this bitch in her place and made her realise she can't be the little cow she's being - life lesson so she gets her behaviour in order as her mum is too crap tinsort her out (dippy crap mother!)

Starlight456 · 08/09/2019 22:17

You are doing the right thing escalating this .

I had a friend similar situation . It calmed down we remained friends but not the same then it started again and I shouted at her Ds. We don’t speak now .

I don’t think you can ever get past what the child has done

Blondebakingmumma · 09/09/2019 01:27

Disgusting behavior. I’d be going to the police if she is making physical threats

RebootYourEngine · 09/09/2019 04:22

Late to this but I think you did the right thing.

Your friend and her dd sound quite similar. Your friend is minimising and excusing her DDs bullying behaviour.

Going to the school is a good idea. If that doesn't make a difference the police would be my next move.

AlaskaSometimes · 09/09/2019 05:00

You need to go straight to the school and the police. This is serious now and who knows what she will do. She’s made actual real threats now and you know damn well the mother isn’t going to do anything useful. Your poor daughter. Show her you take her safety and mental well-being seriously and stop talking to the stupid mother. Go straight to authorities. Girls like this are dangerous. Some people here live in bubbles and don’t realise what kind of danger this can lead to, but I grew up in an area where kids got knifed over this kind of stuff.