I’m going to have to tell her straight aren’t I?

[PinkBlossomTrees]

This situation is quite complicated but I will try to explain briefly.

My oldest best friend who I used to go to school with has a DD the same age as mine. They live close by and the girls went through nursery and school together.

In year 3 her DD started bullying my DD. My DD didn’t tell me for 2 years. I took it straight to the head when I found out and parents were called in. My friend was unhappy I went to the school and not her. DD moved classes on her request and had a happy final year at school.

The girls are now both in year 9 at different schools. Me and my friend have rekindled our friendship, it’s not the same as before but we are friends. Our DDs have nothing to do with each other but we’ve moved on it’s all in the past.

During the holidays my friend said her DD may possibly need my help with something (to do with my job) and would I possibly be prepared to help her out and if so how much would I charge. I ran it past my DD first and she said she had no problem with it. So I said to my friend that should be fine and I wouldn’t charge.

My friend came back to me and said her DD does need my help and can I go round to theirs on Sunday, it’s all been arranged.

I mentioned to DD last night that I was helping her out Sunday. She’s said she’s not happy about it anymore as friends DD this week has been getting on a different school bus (same stop as my DD) and the name calling has started again and she’s shown me messages from her on Instagram calling her a “fat cunt” and saying how she should go to weight watchers.

After seeing this I have absolutely no intention of helping her out but need to let her Mum know but I have no idea what to say.
If it was you, would you make up a excuse or tell the mum straight the reason why?

I have no idea what to say.

I think you've made the right decision. Please update with the mums response! Hope she is suitably mortified.

Send a screenshot to the mum and explain that DD is really upset, and see what she replies.

Screenshot and send the messages and say in case it is not obvious the help is now withdrawn then stop the friendship.

Your poor daughter.

Who are these people bringing up such vile behaving children?

@MirandaGoshawk Cornering a minor in a room on their own confronting them is intimidating and also classed as bullying and could land OP in trouble herself.

But by all means, confront the daughter when her mother is present.

Tell her straight, that her child is evil

I'd ask your daughter what she'd prefer you to do. Give her the control back - either do you want me to send the pictures to her mum, or do you want me to go round as planned on Sunday and talk to the mum and daughter together. Make it clear to your daughter that you won't be helping the girl, but you need to deal with this.

If she has made it up, she has an opportunity to confess. But if she hasn't, and it doesn't sound as though she has, then you're giving her the control.

That's crazy, kids can be so nasty ☹️

Horrible child, send screenshot to her mum

Same as most here I think you should screenshot and send message. Can't help anymore for obvious reasons etc. I would question my friendship also to be honest. If she is extremely apologetic on behalf of her daughter fine but if she is anyway meh about it, I would, to support your daughter, cut this friendship also.

What a butch! No way would I help somebody who bullies my child - hope you get on ok with the mum - but she needs to stamp this out
Wonders if OP's career is working sith difficult children

Your poor DD, I hope her mother tackles the bullying properly once and for all.

Girls can be so horrible

I'd definitely send the screenshots to the Mum and say you will not be helping her out. Good luck.

Always be kind. Do not respond to violence with violence.

Be the peacemaker.

No, don't make peace but dont lower yourself to slanging matches .

darkcloud have you ever been in a situation where your child is being bullied ? It doesn't make you want to make 'peace' it makes a person want to shred the bully limb from fucking limb......but of course you don't .

I would go with the turning up on Sunday and present the screenshots to them BOTH then there is no need to explain why you won't be helping the DD , speaking to the Mum and you will go to the Police .
Your DD needs to have your backing .

This needs nipping in the bud. There's something wrong with the girl behaving this way.

Thank goodness your dd has been open. She sounds lovely

I would get your dd to send you the message save it on your phone.
Keep to the arrangement that you are going to help to you get to the house make sure the mum is there too and show them both the message at the same time so her dd can not wiggle out of been a bully.

Your poor dd

I actually feel sorry for this girl. She is not going to go far in life. And your daughter was very mature in the first place to agree to let you help. And her poor mother.

I would go round on Sunday, pull out the screenshots and state, in front of her mum, that you would like an explanation for these messages to your daughter. Make her uncomfrotable, make her feel a little shame, and then allow her mum to deal with her (horrible) child.

This girl sounds vile. And after your daughter was so grown up to put the past behind her and let you help her in the first place. Please update OP with what the mum says. Hopefully she punishes her daughter.

I really don't understand why you keep hiding the girls behaviour from her mum? You should screenshot the messages and send them to your friend so she can deal with the behaviour.

I would send the messages to her mum, state you don’t think it’s appropriate to help her daughter and ask how you are both going to deal with the bullying.

If her mum won’t deal with it or it continues I would speak the school of this girl. It doesn’t matter that she goes to a different school- all the time she is in school uniform she is representing her school

Send screenshots. "Due to your daughter sending these messages to mine, I will not now nor ever be helping her. I do suggest however she does need help - a good child therapist. Her behaviour is destructively nasty, and worrying. If she contacts my daughter again, we will be taking these screen shots, and any further messages, directly to the police"

Exactly this.

Oh and if the Mum asks why you are confronting her DD , say that she was hacked off last time when you went to the school.

She can't argue with that can she ?

I think that ideally you need to see the other mum and show her the messages and discuss it face to face, rather than just messaging. I don't understand why you have to fall out with her at this point.personally. How she reacted and what she said to her daughter would dictate how my relationship with her progressed and whether we remained friends.