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Original poster

Is this Harrasment? My 16yo DD

184 replies

Harrasment0209 · 02/09/2019 18:41

Long time poster, obvious reasons for name change.

DD had just left year 11 and is moving schools.

In year 9 she was kind to a new boy who then latched onto this kindness and decided she was his best friend. Obviously she wasn't - he's just a boy who needed a smile when he joined a new school.

Since then he has obsessed over their friendship - texts phone calls etc etc.

It all got too much and was interfering with her mental wellbeing - she blocked him on all social media at the start of GCSE study. He then contacted many people to beg her to reinstate him. Head of Year was involved and we believe spoke to his parents and things were better for a while.

Since exams have finished and she's left that school, he's ramped it up - clusters of calls (including the middle of night) and he's contacted upwards of a dozen people (friends and unknown friends of friends) to beg her to talk to him.

I've composed a letter to his mother which I could send on FB messenger (she's not a FB Friend and no mutuals)
but I guess my social conditioning prevents me sending it, and I'm not sure it's the appropriate action.

I just want her to start a new school tomorrow free of this weight.

I'm also aware this is not good for his mental wellbeing either and stopping would be beneficial to him.

Please, does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
Harrasment0209 · 02/09/2019 18:46

An example

Is this Harrasment? My 16yo DD
OP posts:
Soola · 02/09/2019 18:46

Is contact the police as it’s unwanted attention/stalking/harassment.

Soola · 02/09/2019 18:47

I’d not is

Silenceissilver · 02/09/2019 18:47

Your poor DD!
I’d talk to his mother but if she lets slip to him then that could ramp up the issues....

Anyone who messages her about him, make sure she blocks them. Make sure she has screenshots of any messages/calls plus times received. Then she needs to block them. She shouldn’t message anyone back.

Excitedforxmas · 02/09/2019 18:47

I would go to the police

Sn0tnose · 02/09/2019 18:47

No actual advice I’m afraid, but I think you’re definitely doing the right thing by not ignoring it. He’s just a teenager now, but that behaviour could end up with him being arrested in the future and, far more importantly, your DD needs to be free of this.

Original poster
Harrasment0209 · 02/09/2019 18:47

This shows him asking a school friend to let her allow him access to her snapchat so he can pretend to be the mutual friend to access my DD

Is this Harrasment? My 16yo DD
OP posts:
Cailleach · 02/09/2019 18:48

Sadly I think you're at the stage where the police need to be involved. It's a shame all other avenues of approach have failed but now it's time to bring out the big guns. He needs to be made aware that this sort of thing is a criminal offence.

Silenceissilver · 02/09/2019 18:49

Could she change her number and only give it out to the people she thoroughly trusts? Anyone she only sort of trusts shouldn’t be given the number or anyone with friendship links to him I.e mutual friends.

Bookworm4 · 02/09/2019 18:49

Does he never sleep? If this was anyone older you’d be onto the police by now. Speak to his mother and if it doesn’t stop straight to police.

Groovee · 02/09/2019 18:49

I would go to the police. It's what my mum and dad did when a neighbour was harassing me and following me everywhere.

Silenceissilver · 02/09/2019 18:50

After reading your updates, you need to inform the police. It’s beyond school child behaviour now

ourkidmolly · 02/09/2019 18:51

Police. Definitely. He needs a very stern warning.

Original poster
Harrasment0209 · 02/09/2019 18:51

I just feel the police is such a big step to report a 16 yo.

But yet still uncomfortable sending the message I've composed to his mom.

Sad
OP posts:
Original poster
Harrasment0209 · 02/09/2019 18:53

The people that are messaging her about him are her friends - it's only been one non-connected person so far. She can't block he friends. They're all shielding her, but letting her know when he tries to use then to make contact.

OP posts:
DogHasEatenTheSqueaker · 02/09/2019 18:53

I'd definitely speak to the mother, and if it doesn't stop, don't hesitate to escalate.

This logging into other people's snapchat accounts when you've been blocked seems to be a 'thing', DSD has been on the receiving end of it from a particularly persistent and unpleasant -twat- girl from her old school.

InsertFunnyUsername · 02/09/2019 18:53

You need to contact his mother, then the police. I sound dramatic but women and young girls never want to make a fuss, feel like they're being dramatic etc But he clearly is strange towards your daughter, and hopefully after a conversation/warning with the police he will be too scared to contact her again. Your poor DD.

fikel · 02/09/2019 18:55

Perhaps tell the Mum that you will have no choice but to take it further if nothing alters after your message to her

Rhubardandcustard · 02/09/2019 18:55

You need to protect your dd here and stop worrying about the consequences for the boy.

I would be straight to the police.

Silenceissilver · 02/09/2019 18:56

The people that are messaging her about him are her friends - it's only been one non-connected person so far. She can't block he friends. They're all shielding her, but letting her know when he tries to use then to make contact
Anyone non connected needs to be immediately blocked.
Her friends are doing the right thing. they also need to take screenshots of any messages from him.

InsertFunnyUsername · 02/09/2019 18:56

And 16yo can be just as much of a threat as a 30 year old.

What would you do if it was a work colleague of yours OP?

Hidingtonothing · 02/09/2019 18:56

Police now OP, you've tried going via his parents and it hasn't worked. DD needs to be free of this as you said and the boy needs to learn that this behaviour is not acceptable. You and DD have managed it yourselves as far as you can, what you're doing isn't working so you need help, the police being the only appropriate source in this situation.

Reassure DD that you will deal with it, that her only part will be to provide evidence, and let her go back to school feeling that it's been taken out of her hands and off her shoulders Flowers

Silenceissilver · 02/09/2019 18:56

And her friends need to block him.

Newmumma83 · 02/09/2019 18:59

See if the police can have a word I had someone when I was 20 sit outside where I worked and not leave me alone. I think all they did was have a chat ....as he was concerned it could escalate ... do you have a community police officer you can talk to x x

Celticrose · 02/09/2019 19:00

I would ring 101 and talk it through with a police officer. They will be experienced in this and will be able to guide you. They are the ones with the expertise and quite frankly this has now gone beyond a schoolboy crush. The wanting to access her snapchat and pretending to be a mutual friend quite frankly is giving me chills. This is extremely creepy behaviour and I think that the police would think likewise.

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