Is this Harrasment? My 16yo DD

[Harrasment0209]

Long time poster, obvious reasons for name change.

DD had just left year 11 and is moving schools.

In year 9 she was kind to a new boy who then latched onto this kindness and decided she was his best friend. Obviously she wasn't - he's just a boy who needed a smile when he joined a new school.

Since then he has obsessed over their friendship - texts phone calls etc etc.

It all got too much and was interfering with her mental wellbeing - she blocked him on all social media at the start of GCSE study. He then contacted many people to beg her to reinstate him. Head of Year was involved and we believe spoke to his parents and things were better for a while.

Since exams have finished and she's left that school, he's ramped it up - clusters of calls (including the middle of night) and he's contacted upwards of a dozen people (friends and unknown friends of friends) to beg her to talk to him.

I've composed a letter to his mother which I could send on FB messenger (she's not a FB Friend and no mutuals)
but I guess my social conditioning prevents me sending it, and I'm not sure it's the appropriate action.

I just want her to start a new school tomorrow free of this weight.

I'm also aware this is not good for his mental wellbeing either and stopping would be beneficial to him.

Please, does anyone have any advice?

When my ex did this to me he was convicted of harassment and I got an non-molestation order against him.

As women we're conditioned not to make a fuss or speak up when something makes us uncomfortable, but we need to unlearn that.

Speak up and speak to the police.

He needs to understand that this behaviour is not OK.

What are you planning on saying to the mother?

Do you know his mum's phone number? I would give her a call if so, but otherwise send a very reasonable message.

Sadly I have been the target of two stalkers.

One was an older chap who had a fixation/crush on me and whilst I believed him to be harmless he became a nuisance by sending me flowers and love letters and following me around telling me how much he loves me etc.

The other one was a weirdo disguised as normal guy with a young family. I never met him but he kept leaving letters on my car detailing violent sexual acts he was going to to do to me.

After I reported it the police followed me to and from work and then guy vitrines in and in his frustration/anger stabbed another young woman.

At 16 the boy is more than capable of carrying out an act of violence so I don’t know why you are being so naive about the potential danger he poses to your daughter.

Report him to the police and protect your daughter!

Speaking to the mother is foolish!

I think you need to speak to the mother and make her aware the police are the next step as his behaviour is unhinged and unacceptable. This makes me think he will grow in to a man who feels entitled to a woman’s attention if she has taken pity on him/dated him etc, he potentially could become physically and sexually abusive. I know that sounds dramatically but he clearly already feels your DD owes him her attention and doesn’t give a damn about how it is making her feel. Were there any obsessive behaviours or comments before this started?

Yes, police. It doesn’t have to be in the form of reporting him for a crime; just get a community pc to have a word. He clearly isn’t listening to anyone else.

You need to report this to the police. Don't be put off by his age - last week a 17 year old man pleaded guilty to murdering a girl who had declined to have a relationship with him. At my son's school a 14 year old girl was stabbed by an 18 year old who had pestered her to enter into a relationship. She survived thanks to the air ambulance.

I wouldn't bother contacting his mother. Straight to the police.

You absolutely need to contact the police and should have done it ages ago. Stalkers often try to kill their targets and you need to do the right thing by YOUR daughter than the messed up stalker.

And I say all this as I experienced it was my ex, it took me two years to shake him. It leaves you with long term trauma

He's had one warning already.

I'd report to the police soonest. He's either harmless and just fixated, in which case he needs to be stopped soonest; or he's someone who the police need to have a stronger conversation with.

Op you are worrying more about other people's feelings than your daughters safety.

Everyone's said it, but I'll say it again

Police - They need to know. Your daughter is Sixteen and you're her parent. Be her parent. Protect her, maybe this boy is lonely, maybe there's a bigger issue - But you'll never know unless you tell the Police.

Thank you for your guidance and strength.

I'll send the message to his mom via FB messenger. Unfortunately it's an ineffective means of comms, but it's all I have.

It does need to be escalated, as the boy seems to be unwilling or incapable of stopping by himself.

You can always give the Mum a heads up, along the lines of ... this unwelcome contact has become intolerable for your daughter, so you will be notifying the police as you see no other way of ensuring it stops (and stop it must).

Oh, and op? Stop worrying about protecting his mental well-being, this is none of your concern; he has his own parents to look out for him.
It’s quite odd that it should even be on your radar given his antics.

Op, what difference does his age make? He is committing a crime and harassing your dd. By doing nothing you’re doing putting this creeper fuckers feelings above your own daughters. You should be teaching her that this shit is unacceptable and have taken action immediately, instead of teaching her to put up with what this boy is doing to her. What’s going to happen when he can’t get hold of her by phone?? He’ll probably end up stalking her. This needs stopping now

Seriously OP. Stop letting misplaced politeness prevent you from protecting your DD.

This is not normal. Log it with police and let the boys mother know too. He needs to be stopped early before it accelerates more.

Has she directly messaged him to say she doesn't want any contact? Because maybe he won't accept it unless it comes from her.

I would get her to send one message to him saying that and that she will contact the police if he continues to contact her directly or via other people.

It may be some weird closure thing.

I think you should report to the police
But if you decide to Facebook message the mum first, at least tell her that if harassment doesn't stop immediately, you will be asking the police for help.
And whichever course of action you take, I think you should also be telling your daughter's friends' parents what has been going on and what action you've taken. Those friends are probably feeling under pressure too.

I think u should go to the police and not his mother
It's already been raised with his parents and he's still doing it
He may only be 16 but u don't know his mental state or what he is capable of
I don't mean to worry u even more but anything can happen and u need to ensure your daughter is safe

Sounds awful op. Agree with pp and not much to add but good luck!

Does he know she is changing schools tomorrow?

OP however you deal with this now will be the way your dd deals with the 50 year old stalker when she's 20. Do you want her to pussy foot around worrying about him losing his job, or do you want her to kick ass?

Stop trying to protect this boy. He is stalking your daughter. Put her needs first. He only left her alone because she had the protection of the school. He clearly therefore needs to be spoken to by some kind of official authority, not his mother. His mother is clearly ineffectual. Contact the police.