MN Beginners Guide.

[SeaSaltandLime]

• A isn't a good thing.
• You must RTFT (read the full thread) before commenting.
• If you find an unidentifiable object in your home, you must lick it.

If that object is moving, you must poke it.

• You can bookmark and save threads. Placemarking and littering (I.e putting . on a thread) is not necessary.
• Any parking threads must include a diagram.
• Adding a 'fuck you daily mail' disclaimer to your thread will do fuck all.
• You do not need to prove your MN worthiness after a name change by including old 'classic' thread themes (naice ham, Pom Bears..) It's not necessary.

Anymore to add?

You cannot take co-codamol for a cold.

It is addictive and very over-the-top in any case.

You also cannot ask your neighbour if she has any co-codamol in her medicine cupboard. This suggests that you are a depraved addict (see MN passim)

It doesn't matter how far you live from an NHS dentist - if you're in mortal agony with some hideous dental-related condition and it's the weekend (or evening) be sure that 953 MNetters will assure you that there is always an NHS dentist on call just around the corner from your house.

Thank you SirJames

You also cannot ask your neighbour if she has any co-codamol in her medicine cupboard.

I went to about 4 pharmacies in turn to get my permitted co-codamol allowance. When that didn't help with the pain, I necked some of my brother's tramadol.

MNers have never once exceeded the speed limit and only crazed potential child killers who like driving on footpaths to hit OAPs would ever do such a thing or even dare question if current limits are even appropriate

If someone typoes or misspells you are not allowed to move on. You have to say “I really don’t understand why you would move your toddler into a cat. Do you mean a cat bed? With the cat? Have you thought about allergies?”

who like driving on footpaths to hit OAPs

Nah. Don’t worry about hitting OAPs. The bastards are all rich baby boomers who have had lives of luxury and plenty through no effort of their own. The more that die the better thus freeing up big houses for young people with children.

Don’t worry about hitting OAPs. The bastards are all rich baby boomers who have had lives of luxury and plenty through no effort of their own

...and they all voted for Brexit anyway

...and they all voted for Brexit anyway

Yes. I forgot that one. 😂

Wow. Sounds like an old boys club

Not somewhere where new members are actually welcome if they don't play by the old boys rules.

I haven't RTFT

But had to point out in the OP it's not 'Read the full thread'

it's 'Read The Fucking Thread'!

www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

^ HTH / yes it did

Not somewhere where new members are actually welcome if they don't play by the old boys rules.

Rule 1 - for the love of god do not post in AIBU as a newcomer, you might get broken and never recover.

Start posts saying "I didn't want to read and run, I'm sure someone knowledgable will be along shortly" adding no value to the situation whatsoever

MoobaaMoobaa

I haven't RTFT

But had to point out in the OP it's not 'Read the full thread'

it's 'Read The Fucking Thread'!

**

I think you're right. I assume it's a take on "RTFM*:
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/RTFM

But maybe the OP was bowdlerising because they don't like swearing. Just because we can swear on MN doesn't mean we have to.

Sorry, OP, if I'm wrong.

Read the last page for discussion on RTFT - it's both.

Before joining i was familiar with ROFL, I have spent many months trying to figure out RTFT. I was genuinely trying to figure out what the fuck i was supposed to be rolling on.

Don't forget to clutch your pearls

What a thread OP - I am loving this.

You must have an alter-munsnet ego and pretend your mum of the year waxing lyrical that you’d never leave your DC drink underage but there’s photos of them swigging from a bottle as their profile photo in your home with you present! What these idiots don’t realise is that we know who they are IRL!

Oh and of course leaving out key bits of info on a thread to garner sympathy “I’m concerned about my new man meeting my dc” - errrr, you’ve had more men back to your place than I’ve had hot dinners love, it’s one in and one out!

Adopt a NC as details of your OP are "potentially outing" then post an attachment of your scan/medical records/a photograph which has your name and date of birth on it.

Unless it's fruit hippo which the DC of all good Mumsnetters 'inhale'.

It's this prodigious fruit consumption which means that normal basic food shopping costs for a family costs at least £200 pw and anyone who spends less is feeding their DC shite and will give them diabetes.

You must never complain about locust like teens eating all the food the second it enters the house, even if it was meant to last the whole family all week.

The solution of course is to just keep buying more, because everyone 'prioritises good food' and you just need to drive an old car and not smoke or drink and you too will have an unlimited budget for food and you won't have to commit the cardinal Mumsnet sin of 'rationing food' and 'starving your DH and DC in their own homes'.

Of course, there's the sub-plot of fruit being 'basically sugar' and if you have more than three bites of a banana, you might as well have scoffed a multi pack of Mars bars.

As illustrated by this thread from a woman complaining that her DS ate an entire bag of oranges, twice.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3673268-Its-just-oranges-I-need-to-let-it-go-Why-am-I-so-pissed-off

.

This is the probably the only thread I can genuinely say I am reading and shaking with laughter in bed. Absolutely brilliant.

This is the probably the only thread I can genuinely say I am reading and shaking with laughter in bed. Absolutely brilliant

But are tears rolling down your face, did you wake the baby, is your DH looking at you in wonder, your DCat and Ddog who are both sleeping on the bed despite mn fears about poo crumbs been shaken awake by your laughter? You really must give depth to your statement that you're laughing.