MN Beginners Guide.

[SeaSaltandLime]

• A isn't a good thing.
• You must RTFT (read the full thread) before commenting.
• If you find an unidentifiable object in your home, you must lick it.

If that object is moving, you must poke it.

• You can bookmark and save threads. Placemarking and littering (I.e putting . on a thread) is not necessary.
• Any parking threads must include a diagram.
• Adding a 'fuck you daily mail' disclaimer to your thread will do fuck all.
• You do not need to prove your MN worthiness after a name change by including old 'classic' thread themes (naice ham, Pom Bears..) It's not necessary.

Anymore to add?

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser selfish advice like that is the reason the NHS is on its knees!

( )

Anyone who works in a benefits office is a lazy vindictive cunt and a jobsworth who is incompetent at the little work they actually do and have the empathy of a house brick. Also most social workers.

Trades people (esp men) are working class, therefore not to be trusted. Unless they are a posho who has retrained.

If you are one of the 99.9% of the population who doesn’t like vomit, you are an emetophobe.
If you are one of the 99.9% of people who don’t much like hearing people eat or other annoying noises, you have misophonia
If you mention anything else, it’s a sign of autism
If you mention anything else about someone older than you, it’s a sign of dementia

This a million times!

NO ONE ENJOYS BEING SICK 😬

AnneKipanki your username isn’t something I was referring to. Female names with numbers was what I meant as in the example I gave.

Private School discussions will also go one way or the other ...... sometimes resulting in being advised to call SS if someone sends their child to private school as it's "abuse"

If you have a decent/high income, on no account ask for ways you can make the most of that good situation. You are clearly boasting and/or rubbing poor peoples faces in your disgusting wealth.

If you dont like something remember to use the word 'shudders'
Also remember to use toddler words if you like something, for example ' yummy' is a good one.
If you want to sound ridiculous just use ' naice'

If you want to look like a twat, make assumptions about a person's user name and through it back at them!! I'm still giggling at someone who did that to me!(well, more than one actually!)

If you want to look like a twat, make assumptions about a person's user name and through it back at them!!

Whenever I've pissed someone off on here they always retort by 'cleverly' calling me Shitbag instead of the usual Buzz.

Don't you dare ask what gender people think your child is from your scan photo.

Also, troll hunting is apparently worse than trolling.

If someone is in financial difficulty, there’ll always be at least three posters who suggest taking in ironing and selling things on eBay.

If you want to look like a twat, make assumptions about a person's user name and through* it back at them!!
Oops, my mistake!!
Always correct before some one else pulls you up on a typo!! ( meant 'throws')

Anyone pointing out anything even remotely negative about your behaviour or parenting must lead a perfect life who never ever makes a mistake and must be reminded of this.
E.g. "aibu to let my dc play on the motorway"
"No that's not really advised"
"Oh I'm so grateful for the advice from the PERFECT mum who never gets anything wrong!!!!!"

Everyone's kid is popular.

Everyone's kid is very lanky, no trousers EVER fit a MNers child. They are always too short in the leg and to big in the waist.

Parent and child spaces - lurk for at least 4 months before you dare speak of them.

Mothers over sixty and mothers in law get the blame for everything and they are all dreadful at mothering and they are unworthy of maintaining contact.

But we mothers under sixty who are mothering now are all paragons of motherhood and never do anything wrong and our DC will love us and want to be with us forever.

If like me you can't f**king stand kids, barely your own, then your'll probably be better off on netmums.

Add "you're welcome" to the bottom of your smart arsed post.

Call yourself Dr.

Remember that all teenage boys without exception are up to no good all the time. If you say they aren't you will be told they are but you just don't know it.

Any thread asking for 'unpopular opinions' will start looking like Swiss cheese by the end of page one, attract 17 disablist/racist 'goady fuckers' by page 2, and then be deleted at page 5 by which time it will have descended into a bun fight.

Yes Screaming, starts off with 'I don't like mashed potato' and the next minute 'I think Hitler was fantastic'.

Sparkling

Some good additions here.

More from me;

• If someone says remotely (obscurely) humorous on a thread you don't have to post it on every thread.

I.e; A thread taking about an OP being emotional and several really original posters saying 'Have you visited the Sistine Chapel recently?'

• On that note, things can't be just funny. They have to have you spitting out tea, waking babies and partners, choking on spit or shooting beverages out of your nose. Anything less than that is unacceptable.

Avoid idioms and colloquial phrases. They always result in a slew of "I don't know what you mean OP" replies, a dozen identical explanations, an exasperated poster stating it is a common phrase/use Google and someone stating it can't be a real phrase as they have never heard of it.

HTH is always sarcastic. (And usually follows a deeply unhelpful comment from a member of the Arsehole Squad.)

Ok @NoSauce