MN Beginners Guide.

[SeaSaltandLime]

• A isn't a good thing.
• You must RTFT (read the full thread) before commenting.
• If you find an unidentifiable object in your home, you must lick it.

If that object is moving, you must poke it.

• You can bookmark and save threads. Placemarking and littering (I.e putting . on a thread) is not necessary.
• Any parking threads must include a diagram.
• Adding a 'fuck you daily mail' disclaimer to your thread will do fuck all.
• You do not need to prove your MN worthiness after a name change by including old 'classic' thread themes (naice ham, Pom Bears..) It's not necessary.

Anymore to add?

You could lock the kids in the boot I suppose.

I think it would get a bit messy, what with kids being baby goats and all.

If you read a clearly hilarious op, obviously light hearted fun: such as Alfred's burnt cakes or maybe something about yoni massages... And it's illiciting incredibly funny responses that make one wets oneself or snort solid food through one's eye ball.

Do drown out the thread with lots of and... This can't be true.... And report to mumsnet immediately.
There's a tight cap to fun on here.

Don't go on IABU and say something like: "well I was parked diagonally across two disabled parking spaces and snorting some co-codamol off the dashboard and dp came in with cat litter in the shopping and I said what did you buy that for when next door have a new gravel driveway? I've got to order extra chips from the Chinese and go fox hunting later. Some woman started shouting at me for taking the last two disabled spaces and I said it's alright for some, you get to sit down all day and your chairs got wheels on it, I can't believe how unreasonable some people are."

Children are the centre of the universe and adults should always pander to them even when they are being little brats free spirits. You should never even look at a poorly behaved child in anyway least you break their spirit and their parent has the right to bitch about you on MN and garner support from other parents of free spirited brattish children.

Parents who brought their children up to have a modicum of respect for other people will be accused of being perfect parents, lying or being draconian and raising obedient robots

If you are an adult your needs for anything are not as important as the free spirited child's need to scream at the top,of their lungs for an hour.

This is especially true of childfree people who of course have grown up in a bubble and never had any dealings with children before in their life ever. They are automatically wrong and unreasonable if they dare to even mention that their dinner/trip to the theatre/trip/plan ride was completely ruined by aforementioned free spirits brats behaving badly.

Never EVER complain about poor customer service. You’ll be trampled to death by the people rushing to tell you how difficult it is working with the public, how little money they get paid and that you’re a terrible person for expecting a waitress to actually bring you what you actually ordered. A checkout girl could bugger you with your own shopping basket and a waitress could take a dump in your dinner - there would still be someone telling you ‘How would you like to be on your feet all day dealing with difficult customers for minimum wage? Of course you can’t complain - she’s probably a single mum who desperately needs that job’.

Do not start threads on AIBU about bins/neighbours' bins/recycling bins/waste-paper baskets/composting bins/food-waste bins/the recycling bin on your laptop/your grandmother's bedside bin/any kind of receptacle for rubbish.

You are always unreasonable, no matter what your AIBU is.

Bins as a sub-class of topics on AIBU are a veritable minefield.

Tread carefully.

Poor Customer Service

Just remember that the customer is always wrong on MNet.

Dont you dare mention that you spent more than £1.75 on your wedding or you'll be accused of caring more about the wedding day than the marriage

Marriage

This is absolutely essential if you have children.

If you confess that you are expecting DC no. 6 and are still not married to your babies' father, expect 826 responses telling you how foolish you're being.

It matters not that you own two houses and earn £460,000 a year.

Coming Back for More

If you start a thread about a useless partner who is a complete waste of space, and you receive 489 replies telling you to LTB...….

The Rules Are As Follows:

a) do not return to the thread despite everyone saying "Where's the OP?"

b) wait a couple of weeks then start another thread, stating the same circumstances

c) be sure not to comment on this thread either

d) wait another couple of weeks

e) start yet another thread telling MN that nothing has changed

f) after you reach 999 replies, post the following: Thanks to all who have posted. I will take your advice

g) change your User Name and start another thread about the same bloke.

This is guaranteed to get you maximum exposure.

Bins as a sub-class of topics on AIBU are a veritable minefield

Why on earth would someone actually want to start a discussion on the internet about bins? What is the thought process behind it?

Same with parking disputes. By the time the OP has carefully crafted the obligatory diagram and posted their AIBU thread, got the several,hundred responses they wanted, including the "helpful" suggestions for wording messages that are a dead giveaway that someone is on MN btw as no one actually speaks like that in real,life and the few "funny" but very illegal things they could do.......the car will have gone.....

MN Beginers please note rule 395:

If you are on a thread about an already released film, aired tv programme or published book do not discuss what happened. Don't mention anything. This is because it'll be a 'spoiler' for people* who haven't seen or read it. This rule stands no matter how long the film, programme has been out.

*these particular people cannot be expected to know that on reading a thread about an already released film, aired tv programme or published book might actually contain information about the film, programme or book. It is a perfectly reasonable assumption that everyone else on the thread will only discuss upto the point they have watched or read.

This has been hilarious 😂😍

Never start a thread about veganism.

Seriously - just don't.

Very bad form.

Pigeons are a minefield I've discovered today! (I'd like to set one for the fuckers, but I'll keep that on the thread).

Do not disparage pigeons. You will get private messages telling you that you're ignorant.

Wisest just to not mention pigeons.

I'm pretty pissed off pigeon wise, they're treating my garden bird feeders as an all you can eat buffet, hanging about under the tree like they live here. They'll be expecting a bath thrown in next.

If you have any baby related problems, they will be instantly solved by BF on demand, a good sling and co-sleeping. Even if your child is a FF, 24lb toddler who practises the Riverdance in their sleep.

If your child has any issues at school, assume autism/anxiety/poor teaching.

No one ever eats fast food. Their dream comfort food is a HUGE prawn salad from M&S.

There is an ACTIVE towel washing thread . If you have not been on one you have to join it .

There is an ACTIVE towel washing thread . If you have not been on one you have to join it.

Please note if you do join it there are only two camps - clean freak killing the environment and slattern not washing your towels enough. There is no middle ground.

I posted on it

Please note if you do join it there are only two camps - clean freak killing the environment and slattern not washing your towels enough. There is no middle ground

There is never a middle ground on MN.

Bear that in mind before you start a thread.

About anything.

I posted on it

Off to hell in a hand basket for you

No one ever eats fast food. Their dream comfort food is a HUGE prawn salad from M&S.

Have you read the McDonald’s or Domino’s thread? OP had the day to herself and was trying to decide what takeaway to have. It took two posts for someone to say ‘Ugh, neither - lunch would be something fresh, like mussels with garlic butter and crusty bread’. Despite several people pointing out that the OP was discussing a straight choice, others still chimed in with pretentious crap such as ‘What could be more of a treat than huge fresh prawns with a thick, garlicky paprika mayo?’ I’m not even paraphrasing.

I would rather run round the neighbour naked than eat mussels or prawns, I cannot stand seafood. So for me there are far better treats than slimy seafood in a thick garlicky mayo.

I buy Arctic Prawns from Iceland and cook them in my deep fat fryer with Dunn River deep fry mix, really tasty.

Never admit to any other parents you have a deep fat fryer, kids love it though.