MN Beginners Guide.

[SeaSaltandLime]

• A isn't a good thing.
• You must RTFT (read the full thread) before commenting.
• If you find an unidentifiable object in your home, you must lick it.

If that object is moving, you must poke it.

• You can bookmark and save threads. Placemarking and littering (I.e putting . on a thread) is not necessary.
• Any parking threads must include a diagram.
• Adding a 'fuck you daily mail' disclaimer to your thread will do fuck all.
• You do not need to prove your MN worthiness after a name change by including old 'classic' thread themes (naice ham, Pom Bears..) It's not necessary.

Anymore to add?

Don't ask for help. You will told you are worthless and a troll.

If you want to have a (usually justified) rant about a female colleague / relative / friend someone will say

'You don't like her very much do you'

Implying the problem is an underlying dislike and bears no relation to the actual crappy thing that person is doing. I've never seen it mentioned when complaining about a man...

Off the back of the above, never post anything derogatory about a stepchild, even if they have burned down your house and sold your treasured possessions. There will be at least one accusatory reply saying "you don't like them, do you?"

With effect December 1st annually MNers change into their snuggly pyjamas and snuggle under cosy blankets with similarly clad DC. This is known as a tradition after the first time and where memories are made.

MNer DC’s are controlled ruthlessly whilst dressed in December by a fucking toy that gets moved around the house with hoots of laughter at his japes.

On Xmas Eve small MNer DC faces light up when presented with a cardboard box containing a new Xmas themed 100000000 thread duvet from Primarni, more snuggly pyjamas for smuggling under the cosy blanket, a book and a mug full of instant hot chocolate with nasty bits of meringue floating on it even though sugar is Evil.

Everyone on MN seems to hate summer and start multiple threads complaining about it. And wash everything after one use at 90 degrees with dettol.

Everyone on MN seems to hate summer and start multiple threads complaining about it.

There's nothing more dejecting than thread upon thread moaning about how hot it is when some of us are still wearing flannelette pyjamas and toting a hot water bottle to bed to cosy under our 15 tog duvet as any heatwave is loathe to creep over the border far less to the far north.

However we did have a rare very hot day yesterday and yes I was bloody moaning but only because I spent the best part of it in court doing my civil duty

The best MN fun is now reading all the other threads and spotting examples from this one on it. I know that's the point of this thread, but it makes even the really boring ones more entertaining.

My own contribution is that you're not a bona fide MN member until your thread has been nominated for classics. Well done OP. (The bystander effect being that I'm relying on someone else to know how to do this.)

Has anyone mentioned name changing yet ?

There are more red flags here than on a May Day parade. Clearly there is a long back story. OP, is this a reverse?

I've NC'd for this but I'm a long-term MNetter (pom bears, naice ham, penis beaker). AIBU to ban MIL from taking DS (6) and DD(2) to the circus where there are performing animals?

@BluebonicPlague

As a seasoned Mnetter you should already know that anything you post in AIBU will result in your being VVVVV Unreasonable.

Especially when MILs are thrown into the mix.

Reverses

Do not post threads in which your OP could be thought by everyone to be a Reverse.

In other words - do not start threads.

Ever.

@AnneKipanki

Name-Changing.

Always start contentious threads by announcing "NC for this as potentially outing."

After all, if anyone does an Advanced Search on you there will therefore be no evidence of your perfidy

Advanced Searches

……...are absolutely shite on this site.

passive aggressive comments must be highlighted by strike through

Nearly time for the annual Halloween AIBU bunfight threads.
MN Bingo cards at the ready for

It’s just begging.
Only go to houses with a lit pumpkin outside.
Terrible American imported tradition.
Make some Brussels sprouts covered in chocolate that’ll teach them.

Sparkling you need to add:

It’s a Pagan festival.
No,it’s not.
Get a turnip, pumpkins are for sissys.

Oh yes TSSDNCOP.

I've never availed myself of the Halloween threads as I'm not that into it. Children are passed that stage and not many youngsters nearby. Must have a gander this year .

MN Halloween miseries pumpkin.

The magic of Santa.
Children under 11: unthinkable to spoil the magic.
Children 11 or over: unthinkable to let them believe, because they’ll be torn apart at secondary school.
The paradox is that it’s also unthinkable to indoctrinate children by giving them a Noah’s Ark toy.

On Mumsnet we don’t have sex, bonk, shag etc. We DTD.

We DTD.
Oh dear, yes.

OH was quite put out because I misread that, thought I may be missing a trick and went and sprayed insecticide over him in an erotic fashion

Just don't mention BD (baby dancing)

In fact don't even boak.

I always quite liked gavelling though

.

If you're going to start a boastful thread about your "luxury wedding" at least make it slightly believable.

Obviously many MNetters have their own tiaras.

You are clearly common if you're thinking of hiring one.

Talking of which, you must put "light hearted" or else people will think you were deadly serious about leaving the whole bastard family stranded on the M5 hard shoulder, while you drive off with two fingers out the window, and singing Don't Stop Me Now by Queen.

😂