Friend wants her DH to come on all female holiday.

[Oldbutstillgotit]

A few months ago a good friend , Anne, invited me and 2 other friends Barbara and Carol on holiday (These are not real names but I thought it would be easier than ABC etc) .
The background is that Anne has had a terrible few years and has needed a lot of support which we have willingly given. Thankfully she is now much better so decided that she wanted to treat us . She insisted that she was paying for a villa in the sun for a week plus flights . Very generous and we all said it wasn’t necessary but Anne really wanted to do this.
Further information, to avoid drip feed, is that Anne, Barbara and I have known each other for other 30 years since our DC were in Primary School. Anne knows Carol through a couple of interests but Barbara and I have met Carol several times and she has always been pleasant and fun.
Anyway, the villa and flights were booked and everything was fine. Until yesterday. I switched on my phone to a flurry of messages on our WhatsApp group, starting with Carol asking if it is ok if her DH comes on holiday ! Anne replied saying “ very funny, of course not”.
There are then loads of exchanges which are basically Carol saying that she has never been away from her DH for a week , the thought is making her anxious , he would be “ no bother” etc etc . To everything Anne has said no but Carol kept pushing. She even said that if they had the bedroom with the ensuite we would hardly see him !
I contacted Anne to see if she was ok . She was quite upset .
Yesterday afternoon, Anne , Barbara and I met for a coffee to discuss . Both Barbara and I said the decision was Anne’s but neither of us was happy at the prospect of a DH being there as it would totally change the dynamic.
The 4 of us are meeting for lunch later . Anne says she will cancel if Carol persists .
Anyone any suggestions ?

How is it odd to have told 'the girls' that the villa is owned by a friend of a friend, expat, maybe mates rates and that they had several villas. Maybe they chose one together? Sounds quite normal to me.

Not sure why pp would doubt OP.

myrtleWilson -Hold on how did Dick know that the new villa owner was the same as the old villa owner? And if Anne said they were in the email that wasn't very sensible

Well probably when they were all getting on and planning the trip Anne has probably mentioned that she was booking with this contact who owns several properties and that Dick and Carol thought that this was a good place to start and used the contact number on the booking email.

It shows that they are totally not giving up on forcing their way in

just

Firstly make sure that the husband (Barbara's husband?) who goes to the same golf club as Dick spreads this story around with the CF details so that other people can be aware of previous behaviour when he tries to bully them (this is not isolated behaviour on his part).

Secondly send an email to Carol saying that you are aware that Dick has been in contact with the villa owner to try and get the details of the new accommodation. This is stalking behaviour, and as he was abusive and threatening on the phone to the villa owner you will have to assume that he could be dangerous. As you don't want to have to get involved with the police in a foreign country by having him arrested, you have cancelled Carol's flight in the hope that the two of them will either go elsewhere or stay at home.

"X from villa company has informed me that Dick has been asking questions, & was rude & aggressive on the phone.
What part of "Girls Holiday" do you not understand?
We do not wish to see Dick at any point on our holiday, he has proven abusive & selfish, helped in spades by you.
I did not wish for you to incur extra problems, but the sheer gall of you both has to be stopped, I have cancelled your ticket"

I am not sure where that leaves all the rest of your DH?
If they have all been told that it is a girls trip than it will seem a bit odd to have one DH there. Also what's to stop any of you others bringing your DH. I would stand firm too- this is a holiday bought and arranged for yourselves, Carol should have realised earlier that she may have a problem if her husband didn't come. I agree with others tell her to come alone or not at all (although I would be hoping she picked the latter as she seems like she will spoil the holiday for you all).

Cheeseandwin- it's moved on considerably.

.

@pinkyredrose the link opened at the right section.
Those with doubts about this - I don’t have the imagination to make this up !

it’s the same owner . She is an expat friend of a friend who has a few properties.

Dick doesn't know this, though.

He knows you've moved villas, but why would he assume the new villa is owned by the same person?

I mean, actually call up, completely confident that this is the case?

@Lunde got it in one

@pinkyredrose the link to MHT was posted some 11 hours before the OP said she had read it. And the OP may have searched and only read the relevant parts. If you don't believe her, report it, in the same way, I am going to be reporting you for troll hunting.

Why are we assuming that this is all Dick’s fault? If Carol isn’t telling him to stop being a well, Dick.... then she’s a Dick too, quite frankly!!!

Omg!! No shame whatsoever!

Time to cancel Carol's flight! And don't tell her either, they can suffer the consequences at the airport.

Another message from Anne along lines of "Villa owner has been in touch. Your husband has been trying to get the address of the new villa and got abusive when told no. For the final time, Dick is not welcome on this trip, this is not going to be the 'free holiday' he's been boasting at the golf club about so knock it off. If Dick wants a holiday he can PAY for it. If you somehow manage to turn up at the villa, the owner will be called and you will be removed, even if that means calling the police"

Dick sounds like a psychopath. Why is Anne even bothering with Carol anymore? She would be persona non grata for me by now. Honestly, these people sound absolutely appalling. They clearly think they can both just roll up and stay at the villa regardless of the upset they've caused. Absolutely unbelievable cheek.

That man has NO shame, entitled CF of the highest order.

This is bonkers

Is the Mexican house theif related to Dick?

He might be Dick (are there that many people with that degree of brass neck in the UK? - ok yes there probably are) - after all he's got form for chasing free holidays and since Mexico's off limits he's happy to go to Spain (as long as it's free).

Cancelling Carol’s flight is an interesting idea, I somehow think Anne is too nice to do that, though. Besides, Dick has booked himself a flight now hasn’t he?

Anne should email Carol back

For the final time neither of you are invited. It was supposed to be us girls. You decided without considering others to invite your dh. You was told categorically no. You asked for the new villa details, why I don’t know because you were uninvited. Then Dick has the cheek to call the villa people and was an utter Dick because rightfully no info will be given.
Then to top it all off your dh is boasting about a free holiday. A holiday he was NEVER invited to.
And all this is perfectly normal for you?
Neither of you are welcome. I don’t care if you still don’t see the problem.
The original villa will now be occupied by owners family who are under strict instructions to contact police if anyone shows up demanding to know where we are. Security at new location are aware and will also contact police if needed.
It’s a shame it’s come to this because of you two cheeky fuckers, when all I wanted to do was treat my friends. Not my friends and whoever they decided to bring along.

I would let his golfing buddies know to never mention their holiday plans with him. He will invite himself along.

I think Anne should mention that should they turn up at the villa, she will cancel Carol's flight home

How frequent are the flights? If you can't change your accommodation booking, could you change your flights by a few hours?

Or, if it was paid for by cc, maybe you could cancel it all and rebook somewhere else?

It's been said before, but make sure the taxi driver at the airport does not have a sign with your real names on it. One for 'Anne, Babs and Dee' should be sufficient!

When are you going, in the next week or so? I do hope you'll be posting updates!

Just a thought.
Carol could now phone them claiming to be you. Her email was hacked and cannot get access. Can they send details to new email address.

Contact owner raising this possibility. They could even go along with it and give fake details for a hill miles away 😂