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Advice Clinic - Slatterns welcome

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 10/06/2019 00:41

Do you have problems? Is your life truly ridiculous, are you ridiculous? Please step inside our fully staffed advice clinic and we will cure all your ills. We have a clap nurse standing by for more intimate problems, don't be shy.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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TopiaryTractorTart · 14/06/2019 19:38

Can I have he top left hand turret please

LadAlive · 14/06/2019 19:38

My son is 6ft 7ins. He weighs 19 and half stone, he's 31.
He loves people but he has LD and autism. He doesn't care how the experience is for you as long as he can talk to you aaallll the way through it.
I might take him to the Theatre more.

pineapplebryanbrown · 14/06/2019 19:39

I'm going to drown that thread every time it starts to breathe again.

OP posts:
TopiaryTractorTart · 14/06/2019 19:40

Sounds like an excellent idea Lad.

I can't afford to go to the bloody theatre! I could fly to Thailand and back for the price of tickets for my family.

thislido · 14/06/2019 19:40

Welcome back Lad!

Frownette · 14/06/2019 19:42

TTT!!

I was after a turret too

TopiaryTractorTart · 14/06/2019 19:43

There are 2 Frown! But maybe one of those should be for thigh. Or perhaps when the drawing is in 3D there will be many turrets

LadAlive · 14/06/2019 19:46

Will we have Fuckboys for chores?
If so, I don't care where my room is apart from being immediately above Thigh, I have a sensitive nose, when I say sensitive, I mean, everyone else's farts/shits make me feel sick but my own make me hungry.
I have provenance over the smell you see, so my brain goes 'Ah! Chilli-con-Carne'.
Porridge is hard to pin down.

TopiaryTractorTart · 14/06/2019 19:48

Why would you want to be anywhere near thigh's arse then Lad? I'm not understanding the logic?

LadAlive · 14/06/2019 19:51

👋🦵🏻👋🦵🏻👋

CarolinePooter · 14/06/2019 19:53

Reg please could you design a small theatre in the grounds of our new house? No seats, obvs, just boxes so nobody need feel crowded. We'll have rep companies and touring rock bands just for us!

LadAlive · 14/06/2019 20:00

No...above her arse, TTT.
Hot air rises (I am an unqualified Scientist, I know this) over, along one, to the left or right...well, left... if I've a choice.
In truth. I'll stay anywhere and my undisguised hostility would probs make me a good, living Gargoyle to guard the Moat.
In truth I would like this.
I have spears and stabby things that just need to be finely honed to poke through the plastic round my multi-pack of chopped tomatoes then they'll be ready for any onslaught.

LadAlive · 14/06/2019 20:18

I agree Thigh cut off the food chain. We could be emotional penicillin, our ethos of reverse development sounds scarily like Boris's idea though.
I am worried. Help!

pineapplebryanbrown · 14/06/2019 20:27

Lad shhh, pat, pat, pat, stroke. Nothing is wrong.

OP posts:
LadAlive · 14/06/2019 20:33

Also Thigh (don't tell anyone I've said this).
You can cut off my son's head, poppy-like, I may even punch the air like a man playing golf when the ball rolls into the hole...(dog would be sad as treat source would go, like blocking the source of the Nile)...but I warn you.
It will still talk.
He could be a secret weapon in our Apocalypse, he is friendlier than Boris and more single-minded than Hitler.

DanglyTassles · 14/06/2019 20:44

Lad you are bonkers in your poetry but I fucking love you anyway!

Here you are!! Lovely to see you mate!

thislido · 14/06/2019 20:48

I can just imagine your son’s head, talking incessantly, undeterred by decapitation. Like when Vivian got decapitated in the Young Ones.

Your secret is safe with us.

LovelyCocksReg · 14/06/2019 20:48

We’ve got one of those each, with tunnels connecting them for easy moving of bodies/swapping of snax/fuckboys. There’s a sort of little underground train thing.

TopiaryTractorTart · 14/06/2019 20:53

How does the rain not get in the snax bit Reg?

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 14/06/2019 21:34

Thing is, Boris will not be PM. Rod Stewart will be. He is even more sinister, like a shrunken wee mannikin in his big grown-up suits 👨‍💼

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 14/06/2019 21:37

Whoa, that was not the emoticon I thought I posted! Kinda works, though.

Last time we took DD1 to a children's theatre they gave us this patter about how children could sit at the front to engage their imaginations more.

DD engaged by standing and grabbing the ankles of one of the performers which I imagine were temptingly at 4yo eye height.

A steward had to separate them.

DanglyTassles · 14/06/2019 21:41

this wasn't the Young Ones just brilliant at the time!

Johnny never thought I'd say this but I agree! Rod for PM!!

DanglyTassles · 14/06/2019 21:44

He seems a bit tight but that might help the economy as long as his ex wives stop demanding!

I f I'd have been a 'leggy blonde' I'd have hoped to keep my options open than go be bagged by tight Rod!

DanglyTassles · 14/06/2019 21:53

Reg I get you, we will be supplied by underground tunnels! I feel dire my Monster Munch will be ok! Same as Triangle's fish food!

This is infallible I salute you Reg 💥

DanglyTassles · 14/06/2019 21:59

Proj can I have right hand ground floor please with a tank for Triangle?

I don't like heights and I can fend for myself with the machete!