Advice Clinic - Slatterns welcome

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Do you have problems? Is your life truly ridiculous, are you ridiculous? Please step inside our fully staffed advice clinic and we will cure all your ills. We have a clap nurse standing by for more intimate problems, don't be shy.

Last time I went to a play in a park (well it was in the grounds of a stately hall) my DH, my best mates DH & my male boss got completely pissed then fell asleep before the end.
Brings a whole new meaning to 'A Midsummer's Night Dream.

I do look like Tim Rice in a corset

Well never mind the theatre, I am putting on weight against Rod Stewart's premiership, when No Deal will mean No Food

#bulkupforBrexit

#onlychubsterswillsurvive

I need some advice, just deciding on what I need advice on.
What would you all advise?

Ok Proj so you're Frank, I'll be Meatloaf so who can be Janet? Also we need a Rocky. who has gold hot pants - other than Kylie?

Where was Bottom while you were asleep Beaker? I think you might need advice that you’re not aware of

Proj you can be Mrs R, I'll do Pilot the dog. I'd also love to do Whatever happened to Baby Jane?". Digsy Bette Davis. And then we go on to do Mommie Dearest! Such funz!

We stretched Kylie’s shorts, we might need new ones

TraceyBeaker that's the sort of thing!

Oooh, Dirty Dancing 💃

We may need a forklift truck.

I love Mommy Dearest. The clothes shouldn't be on wire coat hangers!

Oh just remembered Proj has Kylie's hotpants. That was back when we were newborn Thighs.

Johnny Rod Stewart? Football? What?

So Wolf is a dancer - hmm are you going to be Johnny Swayze? Have you got a bad back?

I smell great, I keep sniffing myself, I think it's custard.

Thigh yes actually, I think my back is around 30 years or more older than I am. More of an excuse to lie down!

Ill have to hibernate for 2 weeks to prepare for my big moment.

Well I never, my post about slicing off blubber got deleted.

Proj precisely, I don't know.

Yet your sinister threat to tall poppies still stands.

Exactly plus my chant to kill all tall people. We've never had a post deleted here, how on earth has that happened?

like my boobs, my confidence is sky high

Like my fanny, my ego is enormous.

I’ve got no ads at all. They’ve obviously decided I’m a lost cause.

Why did you all let me drink so much wine last night? I feel

What the FUCK??

Because I wanted you to have a duvet day and play with me. Describe your symptoms, I'm a hangover guru.

Hm. General malaise and a terrible ringing in my ears. Also my hands aren’t working properly. It’s just an overall malfunctioning.

Would coffee help or will I just be having arse trouble in half an hour?