Advice Clinic - Slatterns welcome

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Do you have problems? Is your life truly ridiculous, are you ridiculous? Please step inside our fully staffed advice clinic and we will cure all your ills. We have a clap nurse standing by for more intimate problems, don't be shy.

Greetings all.

Ds1 is 16 today. My baby! I should not have listened to "slipping through my fingers" by ABBA earlier.

I'm a bit emosh.

Wrt boobs, mine are so uneven mu nipples look like Marty Feldmans eyeballs...

Aw buffy never listen to that song! Why has no one made a song about middle aged women reclaiming their lives?

I say middle aged. You could be 27 for all I know.

buffy don't worry at all, honestly you will never get rid of him. mine are always coming home and one still lives here aged 28. Prepare for the long haul.

I cope by getting drunk with mine but I doubt any of them will be proper alcoholics like me without much more training and i am a good parent so I will put the hours in.

Back with snax, I keep forgetting about thighland... but then I fail at everything in live so why not fail at this too eh?

buffy now you are free of childcare responsibilities you can work on being able to move your nipples by the power of thought. You can draw some eyes on them and I think eyebrows would be good too.

Oh my bloody god where have you been?

I have been alone ( well not actually alone, but you know, not with thisters).
AND because of being left without proper guidance from my husbandwife, Thigh, I have accidentally become promoted thus required to do BIG shiz at work.

WTF will I do?

I keep forgetting about thighland

Nipple eyebrows!!!

Why have I never done this???

(Gets sharpie)

See, Lone, look what has happened to naked.

Promoted 😱 hell. To what?

Looking at mine I appear to have grown actual eyebrows and a beard. I shall style them.

Fucking hell naked
What a revolting development

naked, you must enlist Barry to help with your demotion.

Thigh I noticed the lack of comment about the blubber knife. Further proof they are all mad out there.

Oh good Lord naked, this is terrible. Barry is at your disposal.

lido I'm a sleep deprived mess who can't stop eating. Forget is my middle name.

Naked wtf are you talking about? Everyone knows getting promoted is a code for spending at least 2 years bunking off!

How have you gotten it so wrong that you've ended up doing MORE work?

has anyone tried these? My mouth is on fire. Still eating them but have no idea why.

We will have to @ you to lead you back to the fold.

Are you eating Deep Heat from the tube?

naked you must take swift action to get demoted quite quickly! You could always book into the looney bin/holiday park where I got sectioned. I was very happy there and then maybe when you go back to work you'll find everything back how it used to be and the promotion was just a delusion.

Hand on M3 is that the rule? Someone clearly failed to inform me of that.

Wolf what are you eating??

Why do the pictures never attach!? No but i fucking wish I'm sweating from these crisps, I didn't know any crisp could be this spicy.

Are you able to stop?