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Original poster

OH going abroad for a football match on my DD

203 replies

Meow25 · 10/05/2019 12:13

Hello, this is my first post and I could really do with some honest opinions on whether I am over reacting and/or being unreasonable. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and my OH is a huge football fan and a season ticket holder so more times than not goes to home and away games (cut down slightly but only if away game is on TV) so one day on the weekend he is gone pretty much all day as well as usually one day midweek after work returning just after midnight..this has been a bit of a sore point for me as we also have a 15 month old son that I stay home with although I did work 2-3 days a week until 35 weeks pregnant either from home or office whilst grandparents looked after him. I guess my point is I have very little 'me' time and when I do, I am working. However, thats not to say that I do not want him having a break as he is a hands-on dad and a good partner.

So my OH returned from Amsterdam football game yesterday (was gone one night) which was the semi-final and his team made it to the final which will take place on 1st June in Madrid....I will be 40 weeks pregnant and due to give birth on 31 May...is it wrong of me to feel let down and scared that he will miss the birth or even want to go given the circumstances? I guess I feel second best and irrelevant that he is willing to take such a risk as well as leaving me at 40 weeks pregnant when I am vulnerable and would need help be it pregnant with a 15 month old or with a newborn and a toddler (if i give birth beforehand)....Help please...I feel devastated :( and very upset with him
...am I wrong to feel that way?

OP posts:
MrsSpenserGregson · 10/05/2019 12:14

No it is wrong of you to feel scared.

Has he actually said the he is going to the match?

MrsSpenserGregson · 10/05/2019 12:15

Gahhhh I meant to say it is not wrong of you to feel scared!! Sorry OP.

Of course he shouldn't go. FFS.

What has he said? Have you told him how you feel?

NameChangeMcgee · 10/05/2019 12:15

I'd be more annoyed with the amount of money it'll cost...

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moonrises · 10/05/2019 12:18

No you are absolutely right to feel like you do.

Football does not come first in your circumstances.

pinkyredrose · 10/05/2019 12:18

Why would he even consider going? I can't see much evidence of him being a hands on dad!

Original poster
Meow25 · 10/05/2019 12:20

Yes he is fixated on going unfortunately...we argued about it last night and he thinks the baby will come before then! Cost is also a thing that annoys me as I try my best not to spend much at all and feel that I cut down on everything...

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 10/05/2019 12:21

I think no matter how big a football occasion it is he needs to put his big boy pants on and realise that in these circumstances his family comes first

SRK16 · 10/05/2019 12:21

My husband is a HUGE fan of the same team and I don’t think he would ever consider this. Your DH is being unreasonable. Yes it is a massive deal for the team, but surely you are the priority!? Has he said what he would do if you go into labour before then/on the day before he leaves? Or if it’s while he’s away, will he come straight back?

Original poster
Meow25 · 10/05/2019 12:22

I honestly feel like packing up and going to my mums :(

OP posts:
PinaColadaPlease · 10/05/2019 12:23

Please could you tell your husband it is totally unreasonable to go and then ask him if I can have his ticket please!

If I had given birth and was home I wouldn’t have a problem with it as long as it was out for the match then home the following day.

It is wrong of him to be considering going when you’re not okay with it though.

Quartz2208 · 10/05/2019 12:23

If he does go I think you have to pack up and go - he cannot prioritise this

Sometimes things happen and life gets in the way

PinaColadaPlease · 10/05/2019 12:25

Sorry I should add that I very much enjoy football and love going to matches so my perspective may be a bit different.

You are in no way wrong to feel the way you do.

Original poster
Meow25 · 10/05/2019 12:25

He thinks its doable for him to get on the flight back but I just dont see how this is practical especially as phone reception tends to go and no guarantees of available flight. I honestly feel football is dominating my life...and i have to work so much around it

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 10/05/2019 12:25

Oh heck no

He cannot go

And I say this as a football lover with a season book for my club who has been round Europe to see them and who would crawl over hot coals to see them in a Euro final.

It’s rotten timing but if he does go ahead I’d divorce him. Honestly.

thedevilinablackdress · 10/05/2019 12:26

Massively unreasonable of him whether you've had the baby or not by then.

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine · 10/05/2019 12:27

That's absurd! I actually can't believe how selfish he is. So if you go into labour, who will be your birth partner? Who will drive you to hospital? It isn't uncommon to be discharged on the same day so who will take you and baby home and generally be a fucking father? What are your plans for DD?

What an absolutely pathetic excuse for a man.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 10/05/2019 12:27

OP our house is football mad, every single one of us and I think he is being completely selfish and utterly ridiculous.

  1. baby comes before the game - you're at home, potentially recovering from birth and he's going to disappear for 2 days leaving you with newborn and 16 month old.

Really selfish

  1. baby doesn't come before the game - he could potentially miss the birth of your child. For a game of fucking football (and aye, I do understand how important that is to die hards and still disagree that it's more important than your child being born)

The CL will be on TV, there is literally no chance it won't be. So what's wrong with him watching it at home, potentially with his newborn in his arms?

Nothing, nothing is wrong with it at all.

Football is massive to supporters, but anyone who puts football above their family is a selfish twat.

Also, I've just asked DP what he'd do in that situation and he's looked at me like I've got two heads and asked if that was a serious question.

(I asked DP so you have a male die hard football fan response to chuck at your DP if needed!)

MrsSpenserGregson · 10/05/2019 12:28

I would find this unforgivable tbh, whether or not the baby has been born by the time he goes away.

Even if the baby does come early, you will have a newborn to look after. He should want to be spending time with the baby and looking after you while you recover from pregnancy and birth.

Make your feelings very clear. Emphasize that this is his child too. He doesn't just get to swan off and leave everything to you. What if the baby is born on 31st May? Will he honestly bugger off and leave you with a 1-day old baby? If it hasn't arrived by June 1st (and babies are often late!), will he go away and potentially miss the birth? What about if you develop pre-eclampsia, or go into labour in the middle of the night on your own when he's away?

Parenthood isn't a part-time option, especially not in the early days. You may even not be able to care for the baby on your own initially, depending on the birth. What is his plan for that?

(sorry, not trying to scare you OP - just trying to give you rational arguments that you can use when you lay down the law speak to him about this).

Quartz2208 · 10/05/2019 12:28

Flights at the moment are a minimum of £1500 has he said that?

I think you need to seriously tell him if he goes you wont be there when he gets back

YouBumder · 10/05/2019 12:29

What everyone else said, it would be ridiculous for him to even consider going.

MrsSpenserGregson · 10/05/2019 12:30

I've just seen that you have a 15 month-old. And a mum.

Yes, go to your mum's. I would. You need support from someone who loves you.

SuziQ10 · 10/05/2019 12:31

My DH is dying to go to this match.
I'm asking him not to go since flights are over £600 and it will mean we don't have a family summer hol. So I think your baby due is definitely a fair reason for him not going. YANBU at all.

frazzledasarock · 10/05/2019 12:34

Stop cutting back on spending and start putting a little money away in an emergency fund.

You scrimping and saving enables him to spend large amounts of money chasing his team around the globe with disregard of his family by the looks of things.

Original poster
Meow25 · 10/05/2019 12:35

Thank you so much everyone for your support and opinion..it breaks my heart reading them but at least I know my instinct is not wrong

OP posts:
BookwormMe2 · 10/05/2019 12:37

My OH is a lifelong, season ticket carrying fan of one of the teams playing on the 31st and it wouldn't even occur to him to ask to go if that was our baby's DD. Your DH is BU and selfish beyond words.