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Original poster

OH going abroad for a football match on my DD

203 replies

Meow25 · 10/05/2019 12:13

Hello, this is my first post and I could really do with some honest opinions on whether I am over reacting and/or being unreasonable. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and my OH is a huge football fan and a season ticket holder so more times than not goes to home and away games (cut down slightly but only if away game is on TV) so one day on the weekend he is gone pretty much all day as well as usually one day midweek after work returning just after midnight..this has been a bit of a sore point for me as we also have a 15 month old son that I stay home with although I did work 2-3 days a week until 35 weeks pregnant either from home or office whilst grandparents looked after him. I guess my point is I have very little 'me' time and when I do, I am working. However, thats not to say that I do not want him having a break as he is a hands-on dad and a good partner.

So my OH returned from Amsterdam football game yesterday (was gone one night) which was the semi-final and his team made it to the final which will take place on 1st June in Madrid....I will be 40 weeks pregnant and due to give birth on 31 May...is it wrong of me to feel let down and scared that he will miss the birth or even want to go given the circumstances? I guess I feel second best and irrelevant that he is willing to take such a risk as well as leaving me at 40 weeks pregnant when I am vulnerable and would need help be it pregnant with a 15 month old or with a newborn and a toddler (if i give birth beforehand)....Help please...I feel devastated :( and very upset with him
...am I wrong to feel that way?

OP posts:
Corcra · 10/05/2019 17:23

Everyone is different but this would be a deal breaker. Even if he changed his mind.

NameChangeMcgee · 10/05/2019 17:31

I think his desire to go shows really messed up priorities. Unless they have tons of spare money and support lined up it's really selfish. It won't be a matter of two days traveling - it'll be multiple days as everything is booked up and the prices are scandalous. Then there's the cost of finding somewhere to stay once he's there. And the last thing you need to worry about is him getting caught up in fan shenanigans while he's there.

My FIL is a massive football fan, everything in his life is scheduled around it. But even he missed a home game to go to his daughter's wedding. And he missed years of Saturday matches to coach my dh's youth football.

His prioritisation of football will only get worse, put a stop to it now or it will destroy your relationship.

BornInGlasgow · 10/05/2019 17:32

What about the people he's going with, presumably his mates who know you're about to go into labour. Won't they think he's a prick for going with them?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Families General pregnancy
thenightsky · 10/05/2019 17:36

Corcra OP needs to show her DH that video!

RainbowWaffles · 10/05/2019 17:37

Lol at your football team being in the final as more of a ‘lifetime opportunity’ than the birth of your child. Jesus. And this from a website where you should generally LTB if he dare step foot in a strip club. The only way it would be remotely acceptable for him to go is if he played for the team. He is taking the piss massively and you are a saint for tolerating what you already have.

wizzywig · 10/05/2019 17:47

Theyre showing it on big screens at whl, why doesnt he just go down there?

GlacindaTheTroll · 10/05/2019 17:49

It's a seriously important fixture - I really get why someone wouid be desperate to go. Especially Spurs fans.

But not everyone can go.

And he needs to realise that he can't.

There will be oodles of sports bars and other gatherings showing the match, and people will still have a memorable time with their mates.

If you are actually in labour, then he shouldn't do that either. But if you're not, then going out for a few hours to watch in like-minded company seems to be the sensible option.

(Remembers the thread about husband, the planned C-section and the new Star Wars film - he did go to to midnight showing, then was present for the birth, and then the DD had a Star Wars middle name and the family a new legend. OP - you do realise that if you have a boy on The Day he'll want to call him Lucas)

GummyGoddess · 10/05/2019 17:49

I hope he comes to his senses. This thread just confirms to me that I am right to never want to date a sports fan!

Cannot believe that some people think he should go, what if baby has issues and is in NICU like a PP and OP is recovering and can't be with them? I would never forgive my DH if he had buggered off and I knew that it was his fault that my baby was alone as I couldn't get to them.

JuniFora · 10/05/2019 17:51

He's putting a match over you and his baby. You're not a priority. I'd tell him he can go as a single man.

Cannyhandleit · 10/05/2019 17:55

Wow I wouldn't even let my oh go for a pint in the 2 week lead up to the births of our kids!

ForalltheSaints · 10/05/2019 18:12

Wrong of him to want to go. End of.

twinkletoesss · 10/05/2019 18:55

My dh going to the same match. The flights are a nightmare just to let you know. He needs to get his priorities in line me thinks!!

dancerdog · 10/05/2019 21:53

Checked with husband, whilst I would say he could go, he said he wouldn't, in the circumstances described.

33goingon64 · 10/05/2019 22:12

When I was due with DS2 my DH worked from home every day for 2 weeks, just in case. Labour was 3 hours start to finish. If he'd been at work 25 miles away he would have missed it, never mind in another country!

HazelBite · 10/05/2019 22:34

Threaten to bring up new baby as an Arsenal supporter if he goes! (that'll learn him)

AnneField · 10/05/2019 23:25

If he does go, call the baby Allison or Milly if it's a girl, Jurgen, Virgil or Divock for a boy.

Ginger1982 · 10/05/2019 23:35

@PrettyBelle if my husband 'held a grudge' over missing a ridiculous football match because I went overdue with our baby then he wouldn't be my husband for long. How ridiculous!

lablablab · 11/05/2019 08:26

Have you spoken to him OP?

FlatPackPat · 12/05/2019 09:19

So @Meow25 did he go?

IsabelleSE19 · 12/05/2019 09:25

FlatPackPat Match isn't for a couple of weeks yet.

I'm going to the home game today though - will keep an ear out for anyone complaining that their very pregnant DW is trying to stop them going to Madrid. If I hear him I'll give him the verdict of the MN jury!

MacrosomicMumma · 12/05/2019 09:29

@grumiosmum seriously??? She'll be 40 weeks pregnant. Nothing is more important than the safe birth of your own child.

The only way I would appreciate how important this match is for him is if he was playing in the team.

If you choose to have kids, you make a choice that your life changes and they come first. He is being an absolute dick OP. It is rubbish he can't go but that's life.

Chipsahoy · 12/05/2019 09:36

It's not a normal, loving way to treat someone you are in love with and committed to.
You and your DC deserve better.

HoppingPavlova · 12/05/2019 09:43

That’s completely fucked up. That alone would be enough for me to leave my DH and I don’t think I have a high bar in this regard.

Lauren83 · 12/05/2019 09:44

I wouldn't be happy with this, I'm 33 weeks now with a 15 month old and DP is going on a stag do to Amsterdam when I'm 36 weeks, that's about the cut off when I would feel comfortable with him going

Whisky2014 · 12/05/2019 09:46

Only read first page. I would be so hurt and let down by this. Even if you do give birth 2 weeks before..so what? You still need support. He should want to look after his baby. Sorry for you op