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Original poster

OH going abroad for a football match on my DD

203 replies

Meow25 · 10/05/2019 12:13

Hello, this is my first post and I could really do with some honest opinions on whether I am over reacting and/or being unreasonable. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and my OH is a huge football fan and a season ticket holder so more times than not goes to home and away games (cut down slightly but only if away game is on TV) so one day on the weekend he is gone pretty much all day as well as usually one day midweek after work returning just after midnight..this has been a bit of a sore point for me as we also have a 15 month old son that I stay home with although I did work 2-3 days a week until 35 weeks pregnant either from home or office whilst grandparents looked after him. I guess my point is I have very little 'me' time and when I do, I am working. However, thats not to say that I do not want him having a break as he is a hands-on dad and a good partner.

So my OH returned from Amsterdam football game yesterday (was gone one night) which was the semi-final and his team made it to the final which will take place on 1st June in Madrid....I will be 40 weeks pregnant and due to give birth on 31 May...is it wrong of me to feel let down and scared that he will miss the birth or even want to go given the circumstances? I guess I feel second best and irrelevant that he is willing to take such a risk as well as leaving me at 40 weeks pregnant when I am vulnerable and would need help be it pregnant with a 15 month old or with a newborn and a toddler (if i give birth beforehand)....Help please...I feel devastated :( and very upset with him
...am I wrong to feel that way?

OP posts:
FreiasBathtub · 10/05/2019 13:03

No no no no no this is not ok! My DH is a lifelong Spurs fan, I have seen him cry maybe 10 times in our 14 year relationship, one of which was on Wednesday night, but it would never occur to him to even think about going to Madrid in the circumstances you describe. Poor you. You should not be having to deal with this at 37 weeks pregnant, and certainly shouldn't be doubting yourself. I hope he sees sense but if he doesn't, off to your mum you go.

resipsa · 10/05/2019 13:03

For gods sake, what is wrong with all these men??!!

No. No, no, no. For fucks sake! It's not even a question!!!

Not only a no to this, but no to spending a day away every weekend. Particularly once you have two small children!

Agree with every word. It's just a game of football (dons tin hat).

Mrsjayy · 10/05/2019 13:04

I don't think I could live with a man who cared more about his team than his his pregnant wife I probably would say go if you want but i won't be concernibg myself with contacting you if anything happens and find yourself some reliable childcare I am sorry he is treating you like this.

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RosaWaiting · 10/05/2019 13:04

"I don't think people appreciate quite how significant this match is."

um, I really really do.

I still think that your family should be priority and I say this as a single by choice, childfree by choice, person who pretty much gets a lot of things her own way. There is no point having a family if you aren't prepared to commit.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 10/05/2019 13:06

I don't think people appreciate quite how significant this match is.

Yes, silly women only thinking of labour, childbirth, C-sections, recovery, toddler care when there are significant things like balls to be kicked around some grass in Spain.

Acis · 10/05/2019 13:06

The birth of his child is a totally unique occasion. He can't seriously suggest it's more important to travel to Madrid and watch people kicking a ball around, especially when he can see it all on TV.

He needs to grow up anyway. He will soon have two children under 2, it's time to start parenting by being there at the weekends.

BookwormMe2 · 10/05/2019 13:07

I don't think people appreciate quite how significant this match is

I do, because I saw how emotional my OH was at the final whistle. But he still wouldn't ask to go in OP's circumstances. He might sneak a radio into the delivery room, but I'd be fine with that!

Tavannach · 10/05/2019 13:08

Yeah, move to your mum's if he doesn't see sense. The birth of a child is much more important than any football game, no matter that Spurs have never played in a Champion's League final before.
If he does go, move back while he's in Madrid and tell him you're chucking him out when he get home.
He's a grown man with responsibilities now. The CL match will be shown in pubs up and down the land so unless you're actually in labour he'll be able to watch it somewhere with a bit of atmosphere. If you're actually in labour he can watch a re-run.
Suggest Lucas or Moura as a middle name if you feel like it.

puma84 · 10/05/2019 13:09

Its Madrid in Spain but I doubt there will be flights as all the fans are pouring in

My dh fil and bil are driving to Madrid because the flights are too expensive/sold out 🤷🏻‍♀️

Duvetdweller · 10/05/2019 13:10

If he hasn’t got his travel sorted out already I very much doubt he’ll be able to get there on a direct flight. And I say this as someone who has got travel and accommodation and what feels like a stress induced ulcer. So the chances of him being away for less than about 4 days I would say are very slim.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 10/05/2019 13:11

I don't think people appreciate quite how significant this match is

More important than a human being?? Angry

Borntobedifferent · 10/05/2019 13:13

I am utterly football mad and understand he wants to be there

But no way should he go, as much as anything he won't be able to just get a flight back easily if you go into labour.

Also you mentioned money. If he hasn't booked flights he going to most likely have to go through a travel agent and I'd be shocked if it's less than 5k

ILoveMaxiBondi · 10/05/2019 13:15

I was pissed off when my then partner went to the canteen for breakfast while I was in labour. Grin if he’d gone to Spain for football he would be going on a one way ticket.

Acis · 10/05/2019 13:17

I don't think people appreciate quite how significant this match is.

It's several very overpaid men of different nationalities kicking a ball around. There is no way that is more significant than the birth of a child and the health and wellbeing of this man's wife.

BettysLeftTentacle · 10/05/2019 13:18

I don't think people appreciate quite how significant this match is.

I don’t think you get quite how pathetic this sounds.

OP, no. Just no.

BookwormMe2 · 10/05/2019 13:19

ILoveMaxiBondi 😂😂😂😂

purplelass · 10/05/2019 13:20

I'm a LFC fan so get how important this game is, but he should watch it on TV if he isn't holding your hand in the delivery suite at the time!

Family comes first, always.

What I worry about is that if he's placed so much importance on going and you manage to make him see reason, how will he react if the baby is late and he could have gone? He isn't sounding very reasonable so far...

BettysLeftTentacle · 10/05/2019 13:20

Also, I think this incident is telling you very clearly what type of person he is.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/05/2019 13:21

I don't think people appreciate quite how significant this match is I do! It is so important it will be extensively covered on televison!

OP - tell him to look t the ocst fo flights and hotels etc. Ask him if he has a fairy godmother.

Then start thinking abut how he affords his current football obsession. Do you pay for it really? You say he is a good dad, a hands on one... yet you don't paint a picture of a man who is. .

He spends almost 2/7 of every week at it. During that day and a half he does NOTHING for or with his existing child except take money out of the family pot and ignore their existence.

And all of that is before you get to your never having any time for yourself, no support, no understanding.

Maybe you should go to your mums and spend some time thinking through your options.

Quartz2208 · 10/05/2019 13:21

There is (as a spurs fan as well who happens to be married to a Liverpool fan) no denying that it is the biggest match Spurs have been involved in for years (if not ever) but his wife having a baby trumps all of that and the fact that with 2 children he cannot afford the 5k+ it will cost him

Maybe compromise and say unless you are in labour you are happy for him to watch it in a pub

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/05/2019 13:27

I honestly feel like packing up and going to my mums

I'm so sorry but I think you absolutely SHOULD do this. You're married to a deeply selfish, childish man.

SouthernComforts · 10/05/2019 13:27

This match is a huge deal for football fans. Massive. BUT family comes first, especially the birth of his child ffs.

If he goes, and misses the birth, I'd leave him.

FlatPackPat · 10/05/2019 13:27

I would be livid OP. And would be straight over to my mums and giving him minimal contact. Is he fucking serious?!

What do you plan on doing?

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 10/05/2019 13:28

I was talking to my Spurs-mad friend this morning. He said the flights from any UK airport were snapped up early by Liverpool fans, so the options are now to travel to far - out airports in Spain (or even Portugal) and take the train to Madrid. Hotels in Madrid are full or charging around 2k for the night. All those English fans will want to travel home on Sunday or Monday, so your husband cannot rely on changing flights.
He knows all this himself, and he's clearly a selfish person to even consider it. I assume there are many, many minor examples of him taking you for granted. It's really up to you whether you allow this to continue.

Lichtie · 10/05/2019 13:33

Haha my DH would absolutely go, luckily his passion is the national team (not England) so they are not very good. We discussed it before deciding on family etc, he said it was the one thing he wanted to keep doing, I had my stuff. We even discussed what if they qualified for a major finals and I was pregnant and due... He would be going.

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