Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

OH going abroad for a football match on my DD

203 replies

Meow25 · 10/05/2019 12:13

Hello, this is my first post and I could really do with some honest opinions on whether I am over reacting and/or being unreasonable. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and my OH is a huge football fan and a season ticket holder so more times than not goes to home and away games (cut down slightly but only if away game is on TV) so one day on the weekend he is gone pretty much all day as well as usually one day midweek after work returning just after midnight..this has been a bit of a sore point for me as we also have a 15 month old son that I stay home with although I did work 2-3 days a week until 35 weeks pregnant either from home or office whilst grandparents looked after him. I guess my point is I have very little 'me' time and when I do, I am working. However, thats not to say that I do not want him having a break as he is a hands-on dad and a good partner.

So my OH returned from Amsterdam football game yesterday (was gone one night) which was the semi-final and his team made it to the final which will take place on 1st June in Madrid....I will be 40 weeks pregnant and due to give birth on 31 May...is it wrong of me to feel let down and scared that he will miss the birth or even want to go given the circumstances? I guess I feel second best and irrelevant that he is willing to take such a risk as well as leaving me at 40 weeks pregnant when I am vulnerable and would need help be it pregnant with a 15 month old or with a newborn and a toddler (if i give birth beforehand)....Help please...I feel devastated :( and very upset with him
...am I wrong to feel that way?

OP posts:
cassgate · 12/05/2019 10:03

My DH is a supporter of the same team and is going to the final. We will be on
holiday in Portugal and he is flying to Madrid on 31st and is flying home direct from Madrid on the 2nd. Is costing a fortune but we can afford it. I am staying in Portugal and coming home as planned with the kids on 2nd. So I will be on my own for a couple of days. As annoying as that is I am ok with it. I have just asked DH what he would do in your situation and he said that he wouldn’t go. He said that as sad as it would be to miss the final the birth of a child is far more important.

IJustLostTheGame · 12/05/2019 10:18

I really hope you are at your mums by now.
You don't need someone who prioritises a hobby over his own family. You give much more of a shit about him than the football does and yet you're playing less than second fiddle to it.
So what if you give birth before the match? I'd have said if you leave now don't come back to my DH if he'd fucked off a week or two leaving me with a newborn and a toddler.

feelingsinister · 12/05/2019 10:19

I'm generally pretty relaxed and my partner has a season ticket even though it's a financial struggle but I would completely lose my shit if he did this.

There's no way he'll be able to change his flight if he needed to and even if he could, he needs to be at home whether you've had the baby or not.

I'd be changing the locks while he was away if I were you.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Families General pregnancy
Original poster
Meow25 · 12/05/2019 13:32

Thank you so much for everybody's input :) i really appreciate how much response and support that I received...after some soul searching (and probably my rage!) he will not be going if the baby is not yet here yet....i guess this is the best outcome I could wish for given his passion for this 'historic' moment in the clubs lifetime 😂....

OP posts:
Fleetheart · 12/05/2019 13:35

It’s unfair and selfish. I think you would be justified to go to your mums. When people ask why you are there he will get a rude awakening as so many people will be shocked at this behaviour.

ineedaholidaynow · 12/05/2019 17:18

Has he bought the tickets already?

Chamomileteaplease · 12/05/2019 17:59

So if the baby is slightly early he will leave you with a toddler and a newborn??

BettysLeftTentacle · 12/05/2019 19:03

So he’ll leave you with a newborn and a toddler then.

Stellar bloke you’ve got there OP.

user1471453601 · 12/05/2019 19:17

No op, it isn't the best you can hope for. You will still be a mother with a new born and a toddler.

I outlined your opening post to my DD, an avid LFC .supporter. No, she said. You will either be a mum with two very young children, or heavily pregnant with a young child.

Either way, your pattner, their father, should be supporting you.

OverInfestedBadger · 12/05/2019 19:26

That video up thread is lovely Football

SherlockHolmes · 12/05/2019 19:38

Could you not compromise, in that he goes if the baby has already arrived, but doesn't go if it hasn't?

I can see both sides of this argument but would still be mightily pissed off if my DH wasn't there for the birth.

SherlockHolmes · 12/05/2019 19:41

For those saying you'll be left with a toddler and a newborn, there are plenty of women in this position (single parents, those whose partners work away etc etc). It's only a couple of days, so I think you'd be fine. I was in this position as my DH had to go away for 4 days when DS was 3 days old (also had toddler). It's not impossible.

rainbowlovesfroot · 12/05/2019 19:54

I would let my DH go.

honestly, it’s literally such a massive thing for spurs fans.

And I kno that likely many of you aren’t that into football but if you are you would get how big of a deal it is.

When he comes home the baby will be there but he can never watch and be in the presence of the match.

Perhaps ur mom can be ur birth partner ?

Bobcut · 12/05/2019 19:55

Ridiculous
Mine did the same but it was just a day trip.
I don’t think I could accept abroad

Contraceptionismyfriend · 12/05/2019 19:59

Bloody hell YANBU!!!
I'm married to a Liverpool fanatic. I was Ok with him going as if only be 35 weeks at that game but he sow style cost made it a definite no.

You're talking £900ish for accommodation! Tickets will be a fortune and transport is a fortune as well.

BettysLeftTentacle · 12/05/2019 20:17

She’s not a single parent though SherlockHolmes and there is a choice. What does that say about him? Not to mention they can’t afford the expense so OP and the kids will no doubt have to go without at some point.

Good for you, you had a lucky experience of being in your own.my DH didn’t get paternity leave and he was away from home after I had a c section with my second. I needed all the help I could get for at least the first week.

The fact OPs DH isnt thinking about things like:
Whether she’ll need a c section
Whether one or both of them will have to stay in hospital for some time
Whether they’ll need to be readmitted
Whether she’ll need treatment at home and they both need looking after
All things that happen more frequently than we talk about, just shows how little respect he has for his marriage and his wife. Add the financial worries on top of this, it’s just a piss take really isn’t it.

Discogarden · 12/05/2019 21:12

So is he booked/ paid to go but will lose it all if you haven't had the baby? Or does he have odd ideas about just picking up a ticket/ flights if you have?

Oblomov19 · 12/05/2019 21:33

Tricky. Dh is a spurs fan and has his cheap ticket and hotel already booked for Madrid.
He says he's waited 40 years for this moment!!

Oblomov19 · 12/05/2019 21:34

It will be on the TV!! Grin

Oblomov19 · 12/05/2019 21:35

Dh got Flights and hotel for under £600, but I appreciate that may not now be possible!

Acis · 13/05/2019 06:15

rainbow, the birth of this man's child will never happen again. You assume that when he comes home the baby will be there, but what if there's a major problem? Don't you think that's a tad more significant than a few people kicking a ball around?

Acis · 13/05/2019 06:18

So is he planning to book but to cancel everything if the baby hasn't been born? That's an awful lot of money to throw away. And what if the baby has been born? Is he really going to leave you on your own with a newborn and a 15 month old?

ElektraUnchained · 13/05/2019 09:17

How will he afford it if he can go? Will he leave you short for his jolly?

WhoKnewBeefStew · 13/05/2019 12:14

So he’s happy to leave you on your own with a toddler and a baby who will be a few weeks old max! That’s nice of him Hmm

Damntheman · 13/05/2019 13:39

Oh piss off Sherlock. Single parents do this because they HAVE to. OP doesn't have to be alone with a toddler and a newborn, she has a partner who should be there supporting her recovery not swanning off to Madrid like an absolute dickmunch.

OP if my partner put football above me like this, we would be over. Total and utter deal breaker. What the fuck is wrong with him?? No he cannot go if you've not had the baby yet, he also cannot go if you've had the baby! You will have just given birth for heaven's sake! You won't be at optimum, you won't be sleeping. He needs to realise that his hobbies come AFTER being a father and stay put to support his partner and children. Good grief I am horrified!