Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

OH going abroad for a football match on my DD

203 replies

Meow25 · 10/05/2019 12:13

Hello, this is my first post and I could really do with some honest opinions on whether I am over reacting and/or being unreasonable. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and my OH is a huge football fan and a season ticket holder so more times than not goes to home and away games (cut down slightly but only if away game is on TV) so one day on the weekend he is gone pretty much all day as well as usually one day midweek after work returning just after midnight..this has been a bit of a sore point for me as we also have a 15 month old son that I stay home with although I did work 2-3 days a week until 35 weeks pregnant either from home or office whilst grandparents looked after him. I guess my point is I have very little 'me' time and when I do, I am working. However, thats not to say that I do not want him having a break as he is a hands-on dad and a good partner.

So my OH returned from Amsterdam football game yesterday (was gone one night) which was the semi-final and his team made it to the final which will take place on 1st June in Madrid....I will be 40 weeks pregnant and due to give birth on 31 May...is it wrong of me to feel let down and scared that he will miss the birth or even want to go given the circumstances? I guess I feel second best and irrelevant that he is willing to take such a risk as well as leaving me at 40 weeks pregnant when I am vulnerable and would need help be it pregnant with a 15 month old or with a newborn and a toddler (if i give birth beforehand)....Help please...I feel devastated :( and very upset with him
...am I wrong to feel that way?

OP posts:
dementedma · 10/05/2019 15:52

DH is obsessed with his team and its been a factor in our marriage dying in all but name. But even he woukdnt go with a baby due. He woukd be secretly pissed off at missing the game but wouldn't go. I think this is seriously a red line OP

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 10/05/2019 15:54

It doesn't matter how much of a fan he is (I would LOVE to go myself) but no, sorry not possible.

I had an EMCS and could barely stand let along look after 2 children for at least 3 days and took several weeks to heal.

My friend had an emergency and almost died. Very rare but he needs to be around to help and we'll, just in case.

NorthernRunner · 10/05/2019 15:56

Spurs fan?

I mean as a football fan (of a team who wins nothing) I can see how this is almost a once in a lifetime experience.

However, it’s beyond selfish, and if my husband tried doing this I would be furious.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Families General pregnancy
ILoveMaxiBondi · 10/05/2019 15:58

We should all type out our birth experiences and send them to OPs DH! Grin

Zakana · 10/05/2019 15:59

No. Just no.

Not acceptable, but unfortunately, I can imagine my DP saying exactly the same thing and thinking I was being unreasonable if I didn’t sanction his trip (not football, but think Cyprus at least once a year to see the awful MIL).

Hugs to you and baby xx

SansasSnatch · 10/05/2019 16:03

I would love to go just to see spurs lose Grin but that aside, dh colleague bought a ticket yesterday FOR £7,500 Shock

Top tier tickets are £42,500

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 10/05/2019 16:25

If you go into labour on the morning of 1st June would he just bugger off to Madrid regardless?

Anyway I'm pretty sure he won't get a flight unless he pays a hell of a lot of money and goes around the world to get there. The flights were pretty much booked up by Liverpool fans before Spurs played so loads of Spurs fans can't get to Madrid.

But he's being a total arse for even contemplating it.

SkaterGrrrrl · 10/05/2019 16:29

I am shocked he would even consider missing the birth. How astonishingly selfish.

The regular attendances at matches when you have a toddler is almost as bad. Toddlers are hard work!

Tell him no.

thenightsky · 10/05/2019 16:30

Expedia show direct flights around £338 so not that expensive. However, a lot of them only have a few seats left. That was LHR to Madrid, Thursday to the Monday.

thenightsky · 10/05/2019 16:31

Tell him he can take the toddler. One child each, only fair.

princesstinnedpeach · 10/05/2019 16:32

I'm a big football fan too and we spend lots of money to watch our team, but I'm also pregnant and I don't think I could look at him the same again for even asking or thinking about it.

It actually would make a difference to me as well that I don't think they're going to win it - I could see myself looking back and making peace with it (sort of) if the birth went okay and it had been this magical historical win for his team (especially if the kid ends up supporting the same team, it's sort of a cool story to tell. Ish.) Couldn't bear to risk having the memory of him missing the birth and spending all that money to watch their lot win it, in all seriousness.

Besides which I doubt you have the money anyway at this stage in your life. £7.5k, the figure mentioned above that someone spent on a ticket, would pay for all the unpaid portion of my maternity leave. I imagine you're in the same boat. He can't surely be planning to go into debt for it - if he is that's divorce territory without a doubt.

timeisnotaline · 10/05/2019 16:37

I don’t get the weekly matches even. So one day a weekend you solo parent? What if something came up that you wanted to do? Do you get the other day off each weekend? This is not a good dad, it’s selfish asshole territory. Then you have this game question...

dancerdog · 10/05/2019 16:39

InTheHeatofLisbon

I think you mean 1970....!

Drogosnextwife · 10/05/2019 16:42

No I would have to rethink my whole relationship with DP if he did this. I actually wouldn't allow it.

Infact if you weren't pregnant I would suggest leaving him completely and never speaking to him again. I made the mistake of having a child with someone who plays football, I didn't think it would bother me but 2/3 nights a week and a whole Saturday for the last 8 years had been a very sore point. He has missed the kids birthdays and everything. I very much doubt he would ever have went abroad for football on my DD, if he did he would have been finding a new place to live when he got back.

SleepyRoo · 10/05/2019 16:44

It'll be on TV won't it? Sorry to say but his priorities are rather juvenile.

Mummyshark2018 · 10/05/2019 16:48

I'm fairly laid back about things generally but if my dh contemplated going away near my due date I would kill him. Even if it was work related which imo is more important than a football match I would be having serious words. Like others said it's on tv! He can watch it at home or in the pub with mates. Even if baby comes early does he expect you to look after a toddler and newborn. There's no way he'll get back in time. He shouldn't be willing to take the risk!

Seriously79 · 10/05/2019 16:52

If this was me, and if after expressing my concern over the timing and cost of this little trip of his. I wouldn't be there when he got back. He needs a dose of reality! He's about to be a father again, and he'd rather go and watch a group of men kick a ball around a field? 🙄

Nquartz · 10/05/2019 16:56

Anyone else seeing adverts for the match on this thread Grin

But in answer to your question, yes he's very unreasonable to want to go.

NorthernRunner · 10/05/2019 17:05

Nquartz- I’m having flights by Wizz pop up!!

BowiesJumper · 10/05/2019 17:10

This would be a deal breaker for me. Apart from the HUGE amount of money it will cost, I would be heartbroken that he would even consider it. Even if the baby has been born and is a few days old... just no.

YouJustDoYou · 10/05/2019 17:12

Some men just care more about football than anything, and anyone, else.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 10/05/2019 17:14

If this was a thread about a man ditching his heavily pregnant partner with a 1 yo, or ditching his just given birth partner with a 1 yo and a newborn to go on a lads holiday or a stag do I can guarantee he wouldn't have had the "cool wives" turn up on this thread.

It's fucking football. And I say that as someone whose club is on the verge of making history this season.

My kids and man come before my love of football.

BedraggledBlitz · 10/05/2019 17:16

He's an arsehole to even consider it.

VanessaShanessaJenkins · 10/05/2019 17:17

Spurs have never been in a champion's league final before. And probably never will again!
But you might have what 2? 3? Kids? He can be at the birth of the rest Wink

That said, he will be absolutely gutted to spend a hell of a lot of money to fly all that way to watch liverpool annihilate them AND miss the birth.

dontdoxmeeither · 10/05/2019 17:22

I think he's being a twat of the highest order.

You will be giving birth to your and HIS child! Whilst trying to look after an existing child. He's a fucking arse to even consider it.