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Original poster

OH going abroad for a football match on my DD

203 replies

Meow25 · 10/05/2019 12:13

Hello, this is my first post and I could really do with some honest opinions on whether I am over reacting and/or being unreasonable. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and my OH is a huge football fan and a season ticket holder so more times than not goes to home and away games (cut down slightly but only if away game is on TV) so one day on the weekend he is gone pretty much all day as well as usually one day midweek after work returning just after midnight..this has been a bit of a sore point for me as we also have a 15 month old son that I stay home with although I did work 2-3 days a week until 35 weeks pregnant either from home or office whilst grandparents looked after him. I guess my point is I have very little 'me' time and when I do, I am working. However, thats not to say that I do not want him having a break as he is a hands-on dad and a good partner.

So my OH returned from Amsterdam football game yesterday (was gone one night) which was the semi-final and his team made it to the final which will take place on 1st June in Madrid....I will be 40 weeks pregnant and due to give birth on 31 May...is it wrong of me to feel let down and scared that he will miss the birth or even want to go given the circumstances? I guess I feel second best and irrelevant that he is willing to take such a risk as well as leaving me at 40 weeks pregnant when I am vulnerable and would need help be it pregnant with a 15 month old or with a newborn and a toddler (if i give birth beforehand)....Help please...I feel devastated :( and very upset with him
...am I wrong to feel that way?

OP posts:
bigbadbadger · 10/05/2019 13:34

FFS the majority of footballers would miss the match to be with their wife and child. It's incredibly unfair because you are in the position of 'nag' asking him to do the basic things he should want to do. He is being really unfair and I feel very cross for you.

SallyWD · 10/05/2019 13:36

As a fellow (very excited about the match) Spurs fan I understand his strong desire to go but no - the arrival of his child and duty to support you must come first.

dancerdog · 10/05/2019 13:38

Hmm...I believe if I were in that position I would tell my husband he could go ( as I would want to go too as both season ticket holders for our team) and I think he would probably not go. I'll ask him later!

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FairySunbath · 10/05/2019 13:38

I'm from a family who are huge LFC fans, have season tickets etc. I'm used to the world revolving around the fixtures list but this really is too much from your DH. None of the men in my family would be going in your husband's situation. Yes, they'd be disappointed and we'd never hear the last of it - but tough shit. This is his baby too and he has a responsibility to you and his child.

BookwormMe2 · 10/05/2019 13:38

FFS the majority of footballers would miss the match to be with their wife and child.

Decline playing in what could be the biggest final of their career? Not a chance. Doubtful the club would let them miss it either. It's their job.

pancaketosser · 10/05/2019 13:43

"FFS the majority of footballers would miss the match to be with their wife and child."

Yeah, this. He should stay.

And I say that as a massive football fan and if it was my team I'd probably consider going on my own due date if they'd let me.

eurochick · 10/05/2019 13:49

Of course the stupid eejit shouldn't go. Even the blooming players miss matches for the birth of their child! Ffs.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 10/05/2019 13:49

He would rather go and watch a bloody football match than be there for his wife and child? FFS. What an arsehole.

StCharlotte · 10/05/2019 13:52

FFS the majority of footballers would miss the match to be with their wife and child.

Not necessarily...

talksport.com/football/fa-cup/489203/newport-joe-day-shock-fa-cup-middlesbrough/

www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/swedens-andreas-granqvist-misses-birth-12863836

PunishmentSnart · 10/05/2019 13:53

Not RTFT but has he managed to get a flight - most Liverpool supporters got a lot of them beforehand....

MilkyMamma · 10/05/2019 13:55

You're absolutely not being unreasonable. He shouldn't be even considering going, if he thinks baby is going to be here before then is he not concerned that he's leaving you with a newborn baby?!

I wouldn't hesitate to go to your mums right away. He is really inconsiderate! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this when you should be concentrating on yourself and your children, hugs.

Second babies tend to come quickly and so even if he could get a flight it's unlikely he'd make the birth. I wonder how his future child will feel knowing he close a football match over being there at their birth!

HappyDinosaur · 10/05/2019 13:59

Why are you still together and having another baby? It sounds as though he's been pretty useless with the first one. I can't imagine thinking the birth of your own baby is less important than a football match. Also how much is all this costing? Can you afford it? Are there not other things you should be prioritising with your money right now. I think it's awful and I really feel for you.

PunishmentSnart · 10/05/2019 14:01

Ahhh just caught up - he's a tit.

We're all massive football supporters in our house and DH left me at home with 3 DC's last year - I was only cross because I was jealous and wanted to go!! He would NEVER go if I was due to give birth though.

As others have said you don't know whether he will be able to get there, let alone get a ticket.

ALL hotels/hostels etc are sold out in Madrid (trust me I was looking last week!) so where is he likely to stay?

stoplickingthetelly · 10/05/2019 14:03

I can’t believe he’s even suggested going. It’s really not fair to put you in this position. If it was in the UK at least he could drive home if needs be, but there is no way he’d get back from Spain if he needed to. It is beyond selfish. There are no words really.

outvoid · 10/05/2019 14:05

I’d be so pissed off it’s untrue but I don’t think I could have had children with someone quite so football obsessed in the first place...

I don’t see this improving but honestly, I couldn’t live like this. It doesn’t fit with family life whatsoever and I can’t believe he’d even think to put a football final before the potential birth of his child Shock. It’s the fact it’s abroad as well so hardly like he can drive to the hospital if you go into Labour.

smaller14 · 10/05/2019 14:10

I feel for you OP! My fiancé is a huge fan of same team. I would be more concerned about the cost, flightS from most uk airports to Madrid are in the £900 region and that's just for one way!!! Good luck encouraging him not to go. Sympathies are with you x

lastqueenofscotland · 10/05/2019 14:13

Both me and DP are huge football fans and spend obscene amounts watching our respective teams and I and he would be utterly horrified by this

Ginger1982 · 10/05/2019 14:17

There are 2 issues here:

1)The CL. You need to put your foot down here and tell him he is NOT going (I don't care if this is 'controlling') and that if he does go, well none of you will be waiting for him on his return.

  1. The twice weekly matches. This is also unfair. He should possibly go to one but not both and on the other weekend day you should either have family time or he should take the kids to allow you some time on your own.
Morgan12 · 10/05/2019 14:19

I don't follow English football so I'm unsure of the last time his team reached the champions league final. But if this was the team that we support I'd 100% let my DH go. He probably wouldn't. But I wouldn't be annoyed if he did.

Alwaysgrey · 10/05/2019 14:19

He sounds like a real obnoxious prick. My dh is a huge football supporter. But half that child is his. He’s not single. He sounds like a selfish, nasty boy man. Does he get narky and off if you even suggest him doing something that takes him away from football?

Quartz2208 · 10/05/2019 14:24

Morgan12 they never have gotten there before so in that sense its a huge deal

Mitzimaybe · 10/05/2019 14:33

My DH and I are both keen football fans and do travel abroad for football games. There is NO WAY he would be going in your circumstances.

Suppose the baby does come early but you have to have a c-section and can't lift or do anything strenuous? How would you cope with the baby and a toddler then?

Point out to him that even professional footballers miss games if their wife is due to give birth. Fairly sure there has been a high profile player recently but can't remember who.

The money is a huge thing too. It must cost hundreds of pounds every time - add up just how much he has spent this season on football trips and what you could have done as a family with that money. (In my experience, even an away game in this country costs in the region of £100 when you factor in ticket, travel, booze etc.)

If he insists on going then I'd be rethinking the relationship.

Bentley111 · 10/05/2019 14:35

My DH is a huge fan of the same team and I'm currently pregnant (coming up to 5 weeks) - he's refused to go Madrid to watch as he doesn't want to leave me struggling with morning sickness/animals etc whilst he's out drinking etc and would prefer to put the cost in our savings ready to buy for our baby... just a different way of looking at it.

Sorry you're going through this OP x

lablablab · 10/05/2019 14:36

So he's planning to leave you alone while you're 40 weeks pregnant, or when you have a very newborn baby with a toddler to look after?!

Have you asked him if he's prepared to miss the birth of his second child? Is he ok to leave you to struggle with labour on your own while you have a toddler to look after?! Have you gone through all the practicalities with him??

What if there are medical complications? What if the toddler is ill or upset?

If it was the other way around, I don't think I could ever do that to someone I'd supposedly loved. It's not something I could forgive personally, it could potentially end my marriage. He seems so selfish!

bigbadbadger · 10/05/2019 14:37

Footballers generally have more choices than us as they have a lot more money. Some plan a c section when they are not playing, some miss the birth, others attend the birth and take time off work. From what I understand more and more now do the later and see football as their job, and prioritise their family. They certainly didn't in the 90s/00s I agree.